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Old 05-01-2019, 07:18 PM   #1
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
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I can't do this

Last couple of days I've cut bad, I've been throwing up blood, if it weren't for th dog I think I'd do it.

I am blank. A blank piece of paper never to be filled in.

I am so tired.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 05-01-2019, 07:42 PM   #2
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Really wish I knew what to say. =(

Have you told anyone how much you're struggling right now?

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Old 05-01-2019, 07:50 PM   #3
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I hear you. The place you're in sounds awful. *sending hugs* Do you have MH support at the moment?



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old 05-01-2019, 08:13 PM   #4
Auror.
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I'm glad you have your dog. <3

Do you think you are in need of medical attention, or is that not necessary and/or possible right now?



You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 05-01-2019, 09:23 PM   #5
Ingenue
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It sounds as though you are really struggling right now and i know we can all really sympathise.

Have you got any support in place currently?

It sounds like it is an extremely important time for you to have a network to help you (be it MH team, family, friends, professionals). <3



"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay"


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Old 05-01-2019, 09:59 PM   #6
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Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
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I've asked for help but I can't get help no matter ow much I've done.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 05-01-2019, 10:32 PM   #7
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To be blunt have they said why they won't offer any support?



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old 06-01-2019, 03:34 AM   #8
Buttons.
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Yup...



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 06-01-2019, 10:58 AM   #9
one_step_closer
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If you need help surely it can't be refused, medically at least anyway.

Is anyone able to advocate for you?

Sending lots of love.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 07-01-2019, 10:39 PM   #10
Zedebee
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First of all, you CAN do this.
You are amazing and so bloody strong and I'm amazed at all that you've overcome so far. Can you please tell your doctor about the blood? I believe in you more than I believe in myself. Please don't give up. I love you.




The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..


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Old 09-01-2019, 09:23 AM   #11
Buttons.
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Thanks all. Some shit has gone down I don't really want to talk about jut yet. I'm pretty low but I managed to get the dog to the vet (yearly health check nothing bad) yesterday even though the thought of leaving the house seemed too big a challenge, and a seeing people trying to sort out the stair lift today even though I feel like locking my door and never seeing anyone again. So I am trying. It's just so hard.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 10-01-2019, 03:34 PM   #12
one_step_closer
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You are obviously trying big time, huge respect. Are there people who you would like to see, who you feel are supportive of you? I know that hiding away can seem like a good idea sometimes, and it can be useful to get a bit of time to yourself but we all need good connections with people too. Take care.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 17-01-2019, 03:03 PM   #13
Buttons.
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Already struggling...Slipped with SH and acogol.

I wondered with hosp and that but never thought thids-my CPN after 5 years is leaving me without even telling me, my new SPN is apparently a man*abuse triggers* She promised she'd say when she left and slowly introduce new CPN. Not happened, she clearly doesnt give a shit.

Already tiggerd an all that then this is straw that broke the camel's back.

Am I being stupid to be this upset?



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 17-01-2019, 05:54 PM   #14
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You're not being stupid at all. Changes are always difficult and especially so when the people making changes are being incredibly thoughtless and insensitive.

How are you doing now? Hope you're alright. <3

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Old 17-01-2019, 06:28 PM   #15
Auror.
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I don't think it's unreasonable to be upset. Can you ask for a swap in new CPN to a female? Given your history I don't think that'd be an unreasonable request.

Do you need any medical attention and/or can you let someone know about the alcohol and self harm?



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This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 17-01-2019, 07:12 PM   #16
Buttons.
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Thankyou both.

I feel like I'm discriminating if I ask for a woman. But I'm scared of being alone with a man which I thought I was over but clearly not.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 17-01-2019, 09:00 PM   #17
Zurg
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Honestly Katy, it's so far from discrimination!!!! It is perfectly reasonable to request a female cpn if you prefer that. I also find it odd they didn't bother to ask you if you would be okay with a male. That shows a lack of time and understanding on their behalf. Ask for another one!!!!! You're not bothering anyone, you need to have someone you can trust and work with!!!!

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Old 17-01-2019, 11:26 PM   #18
Auror.
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It's definitely not discrimination given your trauma/abuse history. Without that I'd say it was, but that's absolutely a valid reason to need a certain gender of staff.

Definitely ask.



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This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 18-01-2019, 07:29 AM   #19
Bellatrix
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Just a thought, but if you tell them you'll find it hard they might be able to do exposure treatment with you. I had a male CC and it was so hard at first but over time it got easier and it ended up being a good thing to challenge me to trust. It has to be your decision though




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Old 18-01-2019, 09:42 AM   #20
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I've cut really badly. Refused to go hospital. No one has fucking turned up who was supposed to 8:30 What's the fucking point? NOBODY FUCKED CARES



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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