Live Help


Forum Jump
Post New Thread  Reply
Old 13-08-2018, 06:21 PM   #1
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
Buttons.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: UK
I am currently:
Please

Can I just have some love, hugs, whatever.

This is not a disabled pity party but argh. I am so tired. Tired of not just planning everything around the wheelchair but Getting to places that Are So Hard To Navigate if you are in a fucking wheelchair, transport not being a dream either. I'm also tired of having to rely on people so much, I mean I do as much as I can independentely but ultimately.....today...how do I explain. I was so tired and in so much pain then I had to get up to do x then the food shop then x then home. Travel isn't simple either. I don't want a pity party just someone to realise I am so so tired, I have the MH crap to and I am so close to the edge. Sorry for the ramble.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


Buttons. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13-08-2018, 06:52 PM   #2
nonperson
 
nonperson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: London-ish
I am currently:

I don't know what to say that might help but you can have some love and hugs from me. <3

Rant and ramble any time you need to.

nonperson is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 13-08-2018, 07:02 PM   #3
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
Buttons.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: UK
I am currently:

Thanks NP <3



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


Buttons. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13-08-2018, 07:28 PM   #4
one_step_closer
The Shadow of the Day
 
one_step_closer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Scotland

I hear you, and I'm sorry things are such a struggle. It's ok to rant and to acknowledge the things that make you sad and pissed off. I think a lot of people would feel the same way as you do/a lot of people probably do feel the same. I wish I could do something useful but I don't think I can. Be kind to yourself because you are a lovely person.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


one_step_closer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13-08-2018, 07:39 PM   #5
chinahorse
 
chinahorse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: UK
I am currently:

I hear you lovely. And I hear how shit and frustrating and difficult it is.

Love and hugs <3



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


chinahorse is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 14-08-2018, 12:04 AM   #6
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
Buttons.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: UK
I am currently:

Thankyou Lins and Lille <3

Oh and thankyou to all the huggers (okay that sounds wrong :P) <3



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


Buttons. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-08-2018, 03:01 AM   #7
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
Buttons.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: UK
I am currently:

Thing is....everyone expects disabled people to be brave saints, and I'm not. I have adjusted and got on with it but that doesn't change the fact that in my head I'm going 'was the abuse as a kid etc not Enough, now I have to deal with this shit??'. I'm not a saint. I'm not even a good person. At all. I'm someone who somehow just about manages to keep it together for the people I love and the dog I adore and the rare moments I feel happy.

Also when people ignore the wheelchair and just barge past regardless of nearly tipping me out of the damn thing, when people talk to the person with me not to me because clearly being in a wheelchair means I can't understand English it pisses me off. Which I know it shouldn't. But it does. There's other things and it pisses me off. Then I feel guilty for it pissing me off, then either shout at myself (in my head) and/or sh and feel even worse. What the fuck is wrong with me?



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


Buttons. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-08-2018, 02:09 PM   #8
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
Buttons.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: UK
I am currently:

Thankyou Jinxie, that is actually genuinely good to know (not that you're in the same shit but that I can talk to you about it).



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


Buttons. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-08-2018, 06:27 PM   #9
one_step_closer
The Shadow of the Day
 
one_step_closer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Scotland

I think you totally have the right to feel pissed off. I can understand you feeling guilty and then ending up being horrible to yourself but that's the opposite of what you deserve. People react so much based on stereotypes and wrong perceptions etc, I can relate somewhat by how people treat me based on my MH diagnosis but I can see that having a physical disability will be more obvious and more problematic at times. You don't have to act like a brave saint, maybe don't go mad at people in public but make sure you rant to others/here.

Sending love.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


one_step_closer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-08-2018, 09:27 PM   #10
Auror.
Aurors for the win.
 
Auror.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Godric's Hollow

Unfortunately to the abled (physically and mentally) shit like that doesn't.... like they don't think about it or realise a lot of times. It sucks. I can't speak to the physical aspect because I am very lucky to be able bodied, but I know I do try to be respectful of others when I encounter situations, or say/compliment when places seem to be good about accessibility. It really isn't super difficult. I know I get people talking down to me (or not even to me but a friend) a LOT when I go places with my dog or am non verbal, etc. It's really infuriating.

You have a right to be angry; your anger is totally valid. That said, I know you've had issues with police not understanding before (unfortunately and not your fault) so hopefully finding safe spaces (like here) and safe humans to vent to and listen to you, as well as safe (including safe to yourself) ways to release that anger is really important. I hear you. Your anger is valid. I'm glad you can express it here. <3



You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


Auror. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-08-2018, 10:13 PM   #11
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
Buttons.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: UK
I am currently:

Thankyou, those replies mean one heck of a lot. It's good to know I have a safe space to get it out.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


Buttons. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-08-2018, 06:39 PM   #12
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
Buttons.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: UK
I am currently:

Is it alright for me to feel depressed (not just physical crap but MH as well) as in I keep it together to a degree, but sometimes I am just so emotionally and physically tired from doing so. I know it's never going to happen but I just want a day off. From dealing with anything physical or emotional just a day off *hide under the duvet* I don't and can't but it doesn't mean I don't feel that way. I mean yesterday was hell because you know what I'm too tired to even go there but that combined with a bad night's sleep as per made me knackered for today. I did it anyway don't get me wrong, sorted dog out, got whatever from Tesco helped my sw with her problems (???) saw my CPN etc. I did everything. But I am so so so not just physically (although that is a factor) but emotionally tired.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


Buttons. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-08-2018, 07:19 PM   #13
one_step_closer
The Shadow of the Day
 
one_step_closer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Scotland

It's hard to face up to difficulties every single day, no wonder you get exhausted. It's more than upsetting to experience everything you do and not feel like you get much if any respite from it. I think lots of people can relate, I know I do. As soon as I wake up all the crap starts and I just want everything to stop. Does anything give you a bit of a break? Something you could try and fit in maybe every day or just once in a while. I know it's not that easy and there is probably no real solution but do whatever safe things you need to do. I/we are here to listen if you need to rant or need some hugs.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


one_step_closer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-08-2018, 07:48 PM   #14
nonperson
 
nonperson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: London-ish
I am currently:

I get you. I know my condition is not the same physically but it's the same in that it doesn't ever go away, there's never any break from it and it does have physical implications. And sometimes, along with everything else on top (MH and life), it can just be one too many things to deal with. So I get you.

Burnout is common for all medical things. I'm not sure what would help other than talking to people (be it ranting on here or talking to professionals) and making time to do things for you that you enjoy and relax you and not just daily chores. And asking for help when you need it... which is not easy, I know.

nonperson is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 18-08-2018, 09:46 AM   #15
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
Buttons.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: UK
I am currently:

Thanks for both replies although I'm sorry you both have troubles of your own *hugs gently*. If I could help I would.

I try and put aside time each day to just enjoy and relax but often when I have that time my brain basically goes 'nope, now I'm going to torment you with random crap'.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


Buttons. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-08-2018, 01:26 PM   #16
one_step_closer
The Shadow of the Day
 
one_step_closer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Scotland

I know what you mean by that. Maybe your enjoy/relax time isn't stimulating enough. Is there anything that you can really focus on and get into?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


one_step_closer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-08-2018, 02:10 PM   #17
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
Buttons.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: UK
I am currently:

Sometimes books get me properly involved, but often I'll be half way through a page or so brain is to busy and I'm like sod it. Sometimes some TV programmes get me involved but again same problem.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


Buttons. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-08-2018, 02:15 PM   #18
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
Buttons.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: UK
I am currently:

Also woman had a go at me (yet again) for asking her politely to move her car off the pavement so me, dog and support worker didn't have to go on the road, I was quite proud of how calmly I reacted even when she started shouting, I didn't swear, remained polite and just said along the lines of 'look I only asked you to move your car so wheelchairs and in some cases prams can get through' because I'm sorry but unless necessary I'm not taking me, wheelchair, dog, and support worker on the road. She called me a stupid cow stormed into her car and moved it shouting where the hell do you have to be so urgently anyway??' ….I didn't respond. Not worth it. But in my head I'm going 'going about my daily life and it's no business of yours and don't call me names, we're not in primary school'. Think I handed it pretty well, support worker said so as well, but it still put a dampener on my day. Did get the reg plate but just cannot be bothered getting into an argument so although it's saved in my phone, I'll probably just sit there and take it like a coward again if it happens next time.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


Buttons. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-08-2018, 02:22 PM   #19
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
Buttons.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: UK
I am currently:

Didn't get called spazzer this time though so win!



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


Buttons. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-08-2018, 06:49 PM   #20
one_step_closer
The Shadow of the Day
 
one_step_closer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Scotland

That's horrible. :/ I'm sorry you are confronted by rude people so much. Well done for the way you handled it though. People seem to react in awful ways when they are asked to do something that they don't want to or feel like is an inconvenience to them. Selfish.

As for the post before, have you tried mindfulness to keep your attention focused on the things you want to focus on? I personally don't seem to be very good at it but it probably takes practice and I know a lot of people find it really useful.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


one_step_closer is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Members Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is OFF
Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 11:29 AM.

Back to top