my first cut was when i met a new girl...i knew she did it and it just popped into my head that it made everything go away....i felt numb when i did it so i guessed i loved it. ever since then it has been on and off...but mainly on and i hate it
I was 11. So 11years ago now.
I was always a destructive child though (headbanging/skinpicking/friction burns etc) then one night mum was out, me and dad had a fight (physical) and he told me to sit on a chair in the corner of the kitchen and not move he also said not to breath. I could feel tears welling up. I picked my key up of the side and put it in my pocket of my hoodie and yes.
Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in
Sometime is 07.
Almost middle of sixth grade I think.
I remember I was feeling really depressed because my mother had been yelling at me. If I remember correctly, I did something (not sure what, maybe back talked or maybe wouldn't do my chores) So we were in a screaming fight and she grabbed me by the hair and made me look her in the eye so she could yell at me or some ****.
I went back to my room and was playing with a sharp (it was either a needle or a safety pin) and was making light scratches on the skin of my hand (didn't hurt, just enough to leave little lines) and writing stuff and I pressed too hard and was like oh ****. It was a small scratch, just a little blood. But it gave me this release. I dunno how to explain the first one. It was the best cut ever. It stemmed the feelings for so long. Like a month, but I returned to it again. And again. Blehh.-
Must be a bit more than three years ago, I think...
I was totally upset: OCD, depression + not knowing how to cope with everything I had to learn for school. I really NEEDED my friend to come over. But she said she was busy, doing sports.
I felt so very let down, that I took a swiss army knife and... well... I remember I cut the word "ALONE" and the next day at school a girl saw it and all she said was "Cool. That's like that girl in Gothica, right?" and I said "No. Her cut said "Not alone"."
It was pretty sad, really.
"The opposite of love is not hate; it's indifference."
- Elie Wiesel
I remember always loving the skin on my arms- not a single blemish.
I had actually started self harming from much younger.
My first cuts were when I had moved out- I remember that I got scared and called my best friend after I passed out. Told him to get help. Made me have to explain why- alot of things come to light like the child abuse and molestation I experienced- but most people just told me- let it go- it is in the past. Snap out of it.
When I touch the scars on my arm- I wear them to remind myself that I am real, and that my past is my reality. I hurt and it matters even if no one else can bear to see it.
Last edited by bitomato : 23-11-2009 at 02:29 AM.
Reason: to add reflection
~Happy tomatoes together we will be~
You say toe- may- toe, I say toe- mah- toe:
Let's call the whole thing- red
ďItís time to lead the third revolution, which is not to say we want to be at the top of the world, but to say we want to change the world. Because the way the world has been designed by men is not working. Itís not working for women, itís not working for men,
itís not working for polar bears.Ē Arianna Huffington 2014
When I was 10/11 I would scratch off the skin of my hands and knees. I remember going camping with my family and being kicked out the car and made to walk back to where we were staying. I sat in a bush and scraped all the skin off my right hand. Scratching stopped being enough and I cut myself with anything I could get hold of.
This is just a friendly reminder, please remember not to glamorise self injury or to tipshare otherwise I'm going to have to take a heavier hand to editing the posts here. This includes saying tools that aren't commonly used.
I think the first time I started was when I was 11 and I had accedently hit my cousin in the face with a pinecone when i was aiming for her leg (she was sitting down). She got up and I turned around and she started beating me in the back and then she stopped and went inside. I sat down and cut mt arm ..I felt so hated..but i had only ever seen one other person do it other than me....which was my mom....so i think that was when i started....and I didnt realize this till the other day!
Last edited by Mrs Sam : 27-11-2009 at 08:19 PM.
Reason: removed "tool" as not common and so could be tip sharing
Be my friend, hold me. Wrap me up, unfold me. I am small and needy. Warm me up... and breathe me. -Sia
My first cut. I was about 12-13.
Although i had been hitting myself and other stuff for a few years beforehand. I was very upset because i was being bullied a lot at school and i basically wanted something that could "relieve" the pain i was feeling. So, instead of drinking that night i got a pair of scissors and i went to my room and cut. I remember thinking that i didn't even know about self harm until i had watched a documentary on it a couple of nights earlier.
I really wish that i had never started cutting as it's now been about 5-6 years and i still have very strong urges from time to time. (Even though i'm 8 weeks free atm!)
However, even if i never cut again, i now have all these ugly scars which i feel i must cover up from the rest of the world.
Truly, i wish i had talked to someone (parent, teacher) instead of handling it the way i did that night.
My first cut was when I was 11. I don't even remember why I did it. I have always felt like an outsider, and I think I have been self-harming in different ways all my life. Cutting got worse for me after I was abused when I was 12, and went to a new school with lots of people who hated me.
The mods have received several post reports about this thread, so could I please ask that everyone takes extra care to make sure that their posts dont break the RYL Rules .... particularly the rules against posting anything that could be seen as "tip sharing" and encouraging self harm - ie -
Please do not encourage self-harm in any way or express anything that could be taken as glamorising any form of self-harm, including excess alcohol consumption and drug usage.
For example : "go cut yourself", "cutting is cool", "let's all get pissed"
Please do not share any information on methods to self-harm or any tips, including the best ways/places to self-harm. Discussion of techniques that people have not yet heard of encourages them to then go and try them and must be avoided at all times. Information on scar reduction and preventing / reducing the risk of infection, however, are very much allowed and encouraged.
For example : "I find it works best when I do ...", "If you cut yourself on your XXX then even your doctor wouldnt see it" , “If I took X amount of pills – would it kill me?”.
Some of the posts on this thread so far have been going into just a bit too much detail in terms of different self harm strategies and self harm tools that people have used, and I know the last thing that anyone here would want would be for their post to give another member an idea on how to hurt themselves.
So please be very careful to avoid mentioning the names of anything but really well-known self harm tools and methods (razor, cutting, burning etc) .... and perhaps it would be a good policy to avoid going into too much of a detailed description on self harm techniques and tools altogether, as these extra details can be quite triggering for other people.
If this thread does continue to be a problem, then the mods will have to remove it from the boards .... but I am hopeful that in reading this reminder, that everyone from here on in will make that extra effort to avoid mentioning details in their posts that could be seen as "tip sharing" ... and so this thread should be able to stay.
If anyone has any doubt about the content of their post or a reply that they plan to post on this thread, please dont hesitate to PM a moderator who you see online at the time (check for the red names in the "who's online" list) and we'll be sure to help you.
Mine was October 2006. I was 14 and in year 10. I remember it quite well actually, it was because one of my 'friends' had invited everyone in the friendship group apart from me to her birthday party. I did know about cutting and had heard of other people doing it, but I don't really remember my thought process or why I thought it would be a good idea.
~"To the well-organised mind, death is but the next great adventure."~
I remember that night pretty clearly...I had gotten home from drama and was feeling really proud of myself, because I got the main role. My mother, who was ill, started yelling at me about some random thing and I just got angry at myself and...Yeah. About three years ago, I think? First time I actully started self harming was biting and scratching myself at a really young age, maybe when I was seven or eight? Addiction, a bad one...
"Hate can't drive out hate. Only love can do that."
-Martin Luther King Jr.-
Mine was 1999, i was/am ana and i figured that loosing blood = loosing weight. If i had have known what that first cut meant I hope i would never have started. It didn't just stop at cutting for me. I always thought i was a strong person who could make up their mind and just stop, but cutting isn't like that.
I'm about to become a doctor, and i still can't properly examine patients because i have to be so careful about not letting them see my arm, i can't be a practice patient for my friends because i don't want them to have to see my arm, let alone the rest of me. I can't really say how i feel about all of this without being triggering, but seriously think about it before you start, or get too far in, talk to someone first.
yeah, that's all for my high horse
I had actually never heard of SI the first time I hurt myself. It would have been when I was in about 5th grade, looking back.
My dad was diabetic and had to check his blood sugar with a finger prick. Sometimes he would check mine. I remember always being so scared to get it checked (I'm still terrified of shots and getting blood drawn), even though it didn't really hurt.
So one day I wanted to prove to myself that I could handle the pain, and I started cutting on my hands. Then when my parents were fighting I would progress to my arms, my legs, etc.
I guess I've never made that connection before....