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03-08-2019, 01:00 AM
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#2
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Camden
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: USA
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I think it is great you are trying to stop and that you have reasons to stay safe.
What's making it hard to communicate with your cpn? What means of communication is generally easiest for you?
Urges being so strong can be really difficult to deal with. I hope they lessen in intensity for you soon. Is there anything you have tried before that helps that besides self harm?
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Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
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03-08-2019, 11:53 AM
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#4
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The Shadow of the Day
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Scotland
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Do you know what it is about this form of self harm that you feel eases the horrible thoughts? Maybe there is a safer way to even partially get that. Having animals to care for might be really good for you, I know that having my cats has reduced my self destructive behaviours because I don't want them to suffer if I end up in hospital.
I'd hope your CPN wouldn't be judgemental but I know it can feel like that sometimes. Would it make any difference at all if you wrote something for your CPN but she didn't keep it after reading it or she shredded it? Or writing something digitally that you could show her on your phone or something and then delete it? Would you ever discuss with your CPN that you worry about being judged or people thinking you're stupid?
I don't think you're weak or pathetic at all. It can be hard to move on from self harm and it sounds like you're really trying to put the animals first and find new ways to cope with things. I hope you can find something that works for you.
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I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
You didn't come this far just to come this far.
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04-08-2019, 06:08 PM
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#6
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The Shadow of the Day
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Scotland
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Is being at home difficult for you?
Also, I think mindfulness can be useful for some people to get peace from their thoughts although it does take some hard work. I find listening to loud white noise through headphones can be good but obviously it's not a great idea to have headphones on for a long time.
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I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
You didn't come this far just to come this far.
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04-08-2019, 06:22 PM
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#8
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The Shadow of the Day
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Scotland
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That's a shame, home is supposed to be a safe place where you can relax. It's definitely good to get out though but be careful not to completely burn yourself out. How would you feel about getting rid of the things needed to do this form of self harm? I understand that might only help prevent you from physically doing it and doesn't address the emotional stuff but it might be a start.
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I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
You didn't come this far just to come this far.
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05-08-2019, 03:47 PM
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#10
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The Shadow of the Day
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Scotland
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That isn't stupid at all, I think a lot of us can relate to keeping self harm tools to help us feel safer. If you're not ready to get rid of things it can be harder to stay safe when you don't have them because you'll go hunting for something.
There are things like mindfulness journalling and prompts for when you're outside etc if the 'traditional' mindfulness stuff doesn't work for you.
How are you today?
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I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
You didn't come this far just to come this far.
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06-08-2019, 02:29 PM
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#12
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The Shadow of the Day
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Scotland
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I know that feeling, it's really painful. I'm sorry life is such a struggle and you can't see it ever getting better. I guess there is always hope even if we can't see it but it's hard to hold on to that. Have you seen your CPN recently?
Someone gave me this Mindful Journalling book (link). I'm too lazy to try it but I think it's more of an interactive type mindfulness if it's better for you to be occupied.
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I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
You didn't come this far just to come this far.
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