How do you feel about the plans for starting DBT? Did your CPN not think you need to get checked out for any of the overdoses? If you're concerned then you can always see your GP or even phone NHS 111 or go to A&E if you think something is seriously wrong. I think someone bluntly telling you what the consequences could be reinforces what you already know and makes it seem more real.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I feel quite positive about it; I hope it does me good.
No, she didn't mention getting checked out or anything. I ended up taking PRN and calling 111. They said they're more concerned about my mental health rather than physical but I was assured, i suppose.
I self harmed so I lost my 4 months free which I'm upset about but it's obviously my own fault. I now feel I have a free pass because I'm not a significant time free. Debating what to do, I'd like to but I'm so tired which I suppose is a good thing.
I miss when I was dependant to this painkiller as I'd just sleep. I really fucking miss it.
The lady from that centre called my CPN like she said to talk about counselling. My CPN asked me if it was alright if she speaks to her, I said yes even though I don't want the counselling anymore. No matter what everyone's telling me about what happened that night, I just don't believe it. I thought counselling might help but I just want to forget about it. Tbh I should not be even talking about it.
I plan to OD next week when I get my prescription and not tell anyone, just to see what happens. I'm terrified of my thoughts.
Sorry to hear you're still having a hard time. I understand what you mean about feeling like you have a free pass when you slip up with SH, I hope you can focus on how much you achieved with having 4 months free. That's like round about 120 days free out of the 121 that passed and that's amazing. This doesn't have to be a set back. I really hope you will take care of yourself.
It can feel like a relief to miss so much of the pain of life through sleep. Do you get a healthy amount of sleep at all? I know it's not much if you have been sleeping lots in a chemically induced way but if you could get your sleeping pattern sorted and get a bit of a break through sleep and then have the energy to face the day then I think that would be positive. What helps you to get away from things when you're awake?
Of course you want to forget about what happened and I hear that you still blame yourself so much. Those things are easier to do than to face things and be kind you yourself. Maybe the counselling will help, I think it's worth trying and you can always stop if you think it's not beneficial. Maybe discuss it with your CPN once she has spoken to the lady from the centre to see what her opinion is after speaking to her.
Have you OD'd on whatever you're planning to OD on before? There are so many unknowns and terrible consequences with ODing. What are you thinking might happen? It's a bit of a huge risk to take. I know that it's hard when you are stuck in a pattern of overdosing, I remember my struggles very well. Could you find someone to be honest to about your plan? You say you're terrified of your thoughts so that must mean that not all of you wants to go through with the plan. I know you often say you're afraid of death. Please reach out if you can or find another way to stay safe.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Thank you for saying that, I'll try and be kind to myself.
I told my friend I've been relying on OTC flu remedies to sleep, she basically told since I quit uni and have no obligations and don't need to be up really early, to try not to nap during the day and sleep naturally. I've tried this and I get up in the early hours of the morning wide awake and hungry, craving cigarettes so I like to knock myself out so I can avoid that. But, I suppose I'll have to put up with it as I can't afford the remedies anymore.
Yeah, my CPN told me to consider counselling but I just can't help feel it was my doing and so I'd be wasting other people's help, people who have been through trauma.
I know what would happen and I feel like I deserve the horrible bits, but also the thing I'm going to overdose on has been likened to speed, and to be very honest, I'd like to experience that. Sorry. I'm a twat. If I tell my CPN she'll make sure I'll never have it again and I don't want that to happen. But, usually when I see her I tell her all sorts, probably because I'm attention seeking.
I think it can take quite a while to get into a good sleeping pattern, keep trying.
Your CPN obviously feels that you would benefit from counselling and that you are in the position where you need it and it is right for you. You have lots of feelings about what happened and it sounds to me like it has been a trauma for you. If anyone thought you were wasting the time that other people could be using then I don't think counselling would have been suggested. Is there a time limit to it?
You're not a twat. I was stuck in an overdosing cycle for many years so I can really understand what it's like to crave the 'good' and the bad of what overdosing brings. I think you need to try and tell your CPN because it's dangerous for things to carry on like this for you. You deserve some support and that doesn't make you attention seeking.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
My friend told me where she hid the painkillers, I told her I needed them for my headache. My plan was to take all of them but she counted them. I had them, but stupidly told her my plan (I suppose a part of me didn't want to take them) and she pleaded me not to take them so I've put them on her bed. I waiting for her to come home so we can talk about them.
If the woman from the centre calls me and says the counselling is available, I'll do it.
I'm glad you were honest with your friend. I hope you can stay safe and find a way to cope with things. That sounds like a good decision with the counselling, it's worth a try.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I was wondering, can you have both EUPD and schizoaffective disorder. I looked on Google because I don't think I have the latter and it said that you can't have both which means I shouldn't be on antipsychotics such a Depixol and I have the right to refuse it.
Why the fuck did I have to stay with early intervention for almost 4 years if I didn't have it.
I had my depot but told her I'd like to see in writing about my diagnosis and she's going to look through my notes.
I told people about my plan to overdose and they threw them away with my agreement and I took it off my repeat prescription so I won't stockpile them again. CPN said she was proud of my actions or something.
I start the oriantantion dbt on the 14th Feb for 6 weeks. It's only a small group so I won't be intimidated, also as CPN is a DBT therapist she'll be co running it.
I've joined the gym, starting reading the bible and I'm eating healthily but I just don't think it's sustainable.
Sounds positive, well done. I know it's hard to imagine positive things remaining in place, I do hope you manage to continue with things and they help you to feel more confident about keeping things going.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I'm at my parent's house for a couple of weeks so I can start therapy. It's not a safe place. I binge and purge so much here because it's acceptable. I've purged so much today and just feel generally awful as I've been mostly alone for the past two days.
Sorry being at your parents house is hard. It sounds really counterproductive that you're there to start therapy but being there is a negative experience. Do you have any other family/friends in the area who you could arrange to meet up with? Or even plan to do something nice for yourself away from the house for a while?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I have no friends near and my other family aren't supportive except my Aunty but she has her own life. I have no one.
I'm seeing signs in everything, signs of bad to come. I don't remember my nightmares but I know they were bad. I've taken PRN and I hope I go back to sleep but May be I shouldn't have taken it. Maybe I need to be more aware?
I can feel pain in my back and years ago I Would have said that it's a demon inside me, pure evil. God, talking about it makes me sick. I told CPNrecently that I don't believe that any more but I'm starting to again. It makes sense.
Do you think these beliefs are something you can talk about in therapy? When are you due to start it? I know it will obviously take a while for you to know if you feel like you can trust the therapist though. Do you have phone contact with your CC while you are staying with your parents?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I'm scared to as I've told cpn and psych that I'm past my 'delusions' so I could get rid of the depot and diagnosis.
I don't even know if they're delusions as if they are, the average Joe is delusional too.
Anyway, I don't think the therapy focuses on that side of mental illness, I think it's about stress tolerance and emotional regulation, but correct me if I'm wrong. I honestly have no clue.
It starts on the 14th.
I do have contact with her, I'm seeing her Monday so she can check up on me before the therapy.
I'm getting horrible mood swings, especially in the evening. I was so close to doing something drastic yesterday night because of some thing. Dunno.
