Lack of support

Albus Dumbledore · 18-11-2015, 02:17 PM

Hi,
Firstly, I know I don't reply to many threads at all (I tend to convince myself that I'll do more harm than good), and I'm sorry for that but I think I need some support right now.
About 6 weeks ago, my psychiatrist changed one of my antidepressants, and I'm not doing well with it. My GP was kind enough to increase the dose last week as my next psych appointment was on 15th December. The increased dose doesn't seem to be having much of an effect yet, which is fine, I know it takes time. However, I've just got a letter saying the the appointment has been cancelled and rescheduled for 8th January. I did not cope well with the news. I cried for about half an hour, text my mum, and then self harmed. It was only meant to be a little bit, but I lost control and did more than I had planned on.
My old CPN went on maternity leave and basically said there wasn't much they could offer while my self esteem is so low, and not wanting to waste resources, I agreed for her to discharge me. Bad idea. Now apparently my psychiatrist is my care coordinator, but obviously doesn't have much time to do that, so last time I saw her, she said she would get me a new care coordinator. I phoned her 2 weeks ago, and left a message asking for her to ring me back. I left another message 2 days later. I have heard nothing from her.
I know I should ring my CMHT but I don't cope well with using the phone, and so I'm not really sure what to do next. I feel so guilty about wasting people's time and wasting resources, but I think I really do need help. I'm not sure what I'm looking for from this thread - advice if anyone has any, or just some kind words maybe? I'm sorry.

Albus Dumbledore · 18-11-2015, 05:50 PM

Just phoned the CMHT again. They told me to ring back tomorrow about the psych appointment. Apparently the person who would be able to tell me if I have a new cc or not is on annual leave until next week. And I'm still crying >:(

Epicene · 18-11-2015, 06:54 PM

Oh this sounds so stressful, I can understand why you are crying. I'm sorry that your psychiatrist has been so slow in organising you a new care coordinator. Please don't feel like you cant get on their case though, you are just as worthy of support as anyone else. You are not a waste of resources, you need this help.
Is there anything you can do in the meantime to help soothe yourself? Maybe writing down some of what you want help with might act as a bit of a release?

Albus Dumbledore · 18-11-2015, 07:10 PM

Thank you for the reply. I really appreciate it. I'm now on the end of my 3rd disney movie and had a good old cry whilst devouring some fried chicken (must have been quite an amusing sight!). Binged on food a little, but not as much as I normally might, which I guess is sort of positive. Managed to text a couple of friends which cheered me up a little. The first text is always so difficult as I worry so much that they don't actually like me etc. I'm starting to think that I might have some social anxiety as well as GAD and panic disorder.
first task tomorrow is getting a GP appointment to sign me off for another week, then will try and contact the CMHT again. It's so frustrating, because I feel okay most of the time at home just doing low-stress stuff, but as soon as I even think about something stressful I fall to pieces, and my job is incredibly stressful. And because I'm okay mostly, it makes me feel like I'm just faking it, and need to man up. It's so difficult not feeling like I can trust my own mind.

random.swirls · 19-11-2015, 01:16 AM

Could you ask to speak to the duty team as they may be able to give you some support now.

Epicene · 19-11-2015, 08:44 AM

Well done for self soothing and texting your friends. I hope it made you feel less alone with things.

I think its quite common for people to feel like they can cope with 'smaller' things but becoming overwhelmed by bigger issues. That doesn't mean you need to just man up though; it means there are things you need help with. Its important you get help before things spiral and get any worse, especially if you're feeling like you might be also suffering with additional problems (the social anxiety). Try and stay in touch with your friends too, as withdrawing tends to make everything a whole lot harder.

Albus Dumbledore · 19-11-2015, 11:36 AM

Thank you both. I've got a doctors appointment in half an hour. Will ask them to sign me off for another week. Have phoned the CMHT 4 times this morning, but it's either engaged of just rings and rings. Will try again when I get back from the doctor. Feeling very stressed out atm.