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Old 10-11-2019, 11:41 PM   #1
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Looking for advice

Hi everyone, I am a 27 year old man seeking advice. This past year has been one full of highs and lows for me. I was lucky enough to become engaged to absolute love of my life in late December 2018. At this time her and I were both excited and full of energy as one might expect. We started making plans for a wedding and searching for our first home, things were great. Two months after our engagement her father tragically passed away. This obviously devastated her. After the initial shock and mourning period we put planning the ceremony on the back burner and focused on finding a home to purchase. We are both first time home owners so during this period I had begun to work 7 days a week(I am an electrician and a builder on the side) so that our savings would take a minimal hit when we started to furnish the home. This was a tough time for us, constant work was taking its tole on me and I was becoming more and more concerned for my fiancé. She has a history of depressive episodes and I, having never lost a close family member, struggled to understand what she was going through. I have loving family but find it difficult openly discus such things. All I really know to do is simply be there, listen and make sure she knows how much I love her. We eventually found a home and after a somewhat stressful buying process moved in in late July. At first everything was great, but as time passed Taylor began to get worse, to the point that it’s extremely difficult for her to talk about a wedding In which her father will not be a part of. I try so hard to support her and be there but I am ashamed to admit that I became inwardly frustrated and have begun to fall into my own depressive spiral. It has become difficult to stay on top of normal responsibilities, I have lost interest in most of my hobbies, no will to do side work, having trouble sleeping, and feel anxious and ashamed most of the time. We are at a point where she needs the best me that I can be. Has anyone had a similar experience? How can I find my old vigor and drive again? The will to constantly improve? The words to say when she could really use them? I know this is minor compared to the problems of some but any advice or guidance would be a huge help. Thank you so much in advance.

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Old 21-11-2019, 04:46 PM   #2
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I am not entirely sure what to suggest other than to ask if either or both of you have considered seeing a GP/medical doctor about your depression? They can run necessary tests to make there that there is no physical cause, as well as refer you to mental health services if it is something that you would want/ need / be open to.

Obviously given you are both adults your fiancee would need to be open to doing this for herself, but you could offer to support her through the process, or at least go through the process for yourself so she could see what it is like and see you taking some steps to take the best care of yourself that you can.

If that doesn't feel possible, are there any friends, family, or other types of support either of you could seek out? I know a lot of folks find solace in religion, so that type of support could also be an option too.

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This is happening, this is part of you.

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Old 30-11-2019, 02:49 AM   #3
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I would try to open up a dialogue with your fiance about how you feel, and ask her how you can support her through this. I wouldn't push too hard if she doesn't want to talk about it. Sometimes time is the best healer, it may be too soon for her to continue with the wedding plans. I know how stressful getting into a house can be, especially when your young and don't make a lot. Don't burn yourself out, working 7 days a week while depressed takes a lot out of you. Hang in there, i hope things turn around for you soon.


'in the quiet heart is hidden, sorrow that the eye can't see'

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Old 26-01-2020, 12:35 AM   #4
Rae Noctem
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You should both sit down and talk together. Share your troubles and search for resolutions together. Neither of you should struggle in silence.

I have one hard suggestion: breaching the subject of her father, to make him a part of your wedding somehow. It won't be easy. But perhaps a locket to wear on the day that carrys their pictures?

She needs to look forward, and the small things that put her father at the wedding may help. And if you spend this time together, you should help each other through.

I wish you all the best!

Do not go out your way to gain a scar!

But a scar is a sign of a fighter! You are still standing!

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Old 27-01-2020, 05:10 AM   #5
jumping over the moon
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When I get really down or one of my friends to, I always repeat to myself "life is tough, but you're tougher" short and sweet.

I don't relate to having a similar situation with a partner, so I can't give advice on that, but I like the saying. Good luck, and life is tough, but you are tougher.

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