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Old 21-01-2020, 06:51 PM   #1
DepartedHeart
Recovery is a Journey, not a Destination.
 
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Partner resistant to couples therapy

Hi All.
I was hoping that someone had some advice for me. Its a long story so I hope you don't mind a bit of reading! The following is a TRIGGER WARNING regarding Mental Health, Self-Injury obviously, and Domestic Violence/Verbal Abuse.


My boyfriend and I of 4 years have been struggling recently after the birth of our first daughter. I got myself back into treatment and back on meds for my Mental health issues. We've always fought on and off together through the years and at times it has gotten so bad that it has driven me back into self-injury two times. These fights drive me into Panic Attacks and the last time was what brought me back here. Last night the urges to self injure were so strong, but instead I came here and made a new profile after over 8 years. He gets angry and verbally aggressive during arguments. I think he has some untreated Mental health condition but he refuses to see a professional for himself and for our relationship. Things get heated when I bring it up....but I keep doing it, because I value the family we have created. He really does care for me when hes not suffering himself, but the combo of both of us on a bad day is asking for a crisis.

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Old 21-01-2020, 07:15 PM   #2
one_step_closer
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That sounds really distressing, I'm sorry you're going through that. Does he know how badly he affects you at times? Is there anyone else in his life who might be able to talk to him about seeing a professional? I'm glad you managed not to self harm this time, what kind of support do you have at the moment?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 21-01-2020, 09:09 PM   #3
DepartedHeart
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The panic attacks happen right in front of him. I'm crying, sobbing, hyperventilating, pacing, barely able to know how to keep responding in a neutral way. Hes so mad that he's shut me out. He cant reach out because hes so in himself. He doesn't comfort me, he just keeps it going until he fizzles out. The biggest thing that bugs me is that he doesn't apologize. I have a wonderful support system in place-Therapist, Psychiatrist, Mother, Sister, and his mother to an extent. His mother admitted to me she thinks he should be on meds...but he fights so hard, and similarly to me breaks down so she doesn't push it. I'm trying so hard to just love him through this. Its never physical, its hard when someone you love is screaming at you and verbally attacking you. I grew up with an anxiety ridden mother who is much better mentally now that her kids are grown but like me she has her episodes. She and him dont get along. My sister and him are friends, but she also would be more likely to tell me to leave him for the sake of our baby.

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Old 22-01-2020, 02:14 PM   #4
one_step_closer
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What are your thoughts about leaving him? It sounds like a really unhappy and destructive relationship.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 22-01-2020, 06:48 PM   #5
Auror.
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Emotional abuse is still abuse. Unfortunately, it's hard when it's someone you care about, because you can't force them to get help. It's really brave and great that you set such a great support system up for yourself and are working so hard to take good care of yourself as well. That said, if you've made it clear that he is acting in a manner that is unsafe and unhealthy for everyone involved and he hasn't changed anything, you may need to have a think about what your next step is. Is this relationship something you want to stay in, even if his behavior continues as is? Or is it something where you are considering leaving? You and your children's safety are most important here, so if those are not conversations you can safely have with him, it sounds like you can have those with your support system to work on figuring out a plan.



You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


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