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Old 03-08-2018, 10:51 AM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2018
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Iíve been trying so hard not to relapse, but Iíve never felt I needed it so much as I now. Itís been a few months now and I had got rid of anything I could use but this morning I had this urge to find something to keep close to me, I donít know it kind of makes me feel safe, it helps just having it there but at the same time itís all I can think about. I want to get rid of it like the others but thereís something stopping me this time. My boyfriend gets really angry when we talk about self harm, I donít want to bring it up to him or how Iím feeling but I also donít have anyone else to turn to. This is why Iíve come to here, knowing people in the same situation or similar. Iíve spent the last 15 hours contemplating what to do, sitting here trying everything to make the thoughts go away but nothings working. Iíve never desired it more then i have now. But I donít want to relapse but at the same time I donít know if Iím strong enough to fight this

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Old 03-08-2018, 04:05 PM   #2
The Shadow of the Day
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Scotland

I'm sorry you're struggling right now, you are so strong for having these thoughts for such a long time and managing to hold off. Would it help to talk through here what's making you feel like you need to turn to self harm? What has helped over the past few months? I think you are strong enough to keep fighting and that the feelings of having to fight will reduce over time so you're not battling so much. What do you like to occupy yourself with? It sounds like you're very consumed by thoughts of self harming at the moment and that can be difficult to get away from unless you're doing an activity that takes a bit of focus and that you can hopefully enjoy. Keep posting if it helps.

I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

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