Hi guys, sorry I haven't been around much, been focussing on recovery and avoiding anything triggering
I've been in recovery for a little while and I've made huge progress. I've stopped purging, I've stopped binging, I am eating lunch & dinner and not weighing myself at all!
The ED voices are creeping back in at the moment and I haven't eaten in a while.. How do I fight them?
I am determined to beat this but it just seems as though the urges are getting really strong again & I'm feeling a little vulnerable at the moment.
I still can't handle breakfast or certain foods but I want to get there slowly.
I'm also terrified about Christmas but that's a while yet
I'm in exactly the same position as you. I think that you've got to think about what helped you on the road to recovery in the first place. That is what's helped me.
The darkest times of my life were when I had my ED and I know for a fact that I do NOT want to go back there.
You've come so far and you've been so strong. Rely on that to get you through.
I'm here for you
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful, oh
They can all get f*cked.
Just stay true to you
Firstly, I am really proud of how far you've come and how much you're trying. You are a true inspiration.
Your ED voices are getting stronger at the moment because it realises that you are doing well at beating it. Do you have a positivity book or something like that? Something you can read to remind yourself of why you are doing this and why recovery is the way to be happy?
I remember you saying in one thread that the only thing that was making you unhappy was your eating disorder. Cling on to that thought and remind yourself on it whenever your ED starts to try and take control. You are happier and healthier when you are eating a bit more. If you continue on this road, you will have your friends and family and will be able to work hard at your degree and will have a life. If you go down the other path, like your ED wants, you will only end up miserable.
With regards to breakfast, when you are ready to try some, start of very small. An apple or a small yoghurt or something like that? Remember to start it off with baby steps, so you don't freak yourself out.
Christmas is understandably scary, but I believe you can do it, love. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
i know how you feel cuz I have the same thing... I've been "recovered" for a couple of months but sometimes I feel like it's too hard to fgt it and it's just so much easier to just starve and not have to fight it and the thoguhts keep coming back to me but u have to stay strong!! I'm here fr u... feel free to pm me if u need more support :) *hugs*
I think the advice above is good. You're doing so well at the moment, don't let that ED voice destroy all that for you.
It might be for a while that you have to consciously force yourself to keep eating. The anxiety can be very strong when you're constantly having to challenge the ED voice, I know, but it does get easier.
Can you identify if anything happened to start those ED thoughts creeping back in again? Or what helped you to ignore them before? Maybe try and keep a list of reasons to keep eating well, distractions for after you've eaten if that would help, ways to make yourself slightly less anxious when you're eating.
I know it's hard but try not to focus too much on Christmas yet. One step at a time, and you will get through Christmas - and there are lots of people here to help you with that if you need support then.
wow well done thats brill keep fighting, be proud of yourself for choosing recovery!!
I know it can be hard think of it as a little slip up, no road is ever straight
there will be bumps. I think you need to remember why you wanted recovery,
start a recovery book and fill it with positive quotes / goals. Remind yourself the hell ED brings and how good recovery will be, all the things you will be able to achieve without ED. You are so strong I hope you realise this and I know you'll get back on track.
Locked in, Buried under my skin
Riding on the whispers, Restless in the wind
Hunted, I can feel it coming
Keep me under cover in what could of been.
I don't have a positivity book but I did make a list of why recovery is better and I will need to fish it out.
I probably will have to force myself to eat..
I skipped 2 meals yesterday and didn't eat much the day before either, it just seems that my appetite has gone away.
I can feel myself hungry right now but know I'm not gonna eat till later.
I think it's just bad habits that I need to get myself out of. I'm going to keep trying though as I don't wanna be miserable.
I don't know what started the voices again really, they're always there but some days are stronger than others..
I hate bad days.
Mum just gave me some breakfast, and that's the one meal I haven't learnt to deal with yet..I'm just looking at it but know I will have to eat it.
I'm home and want to weigh myself but would probably freak out as I know the number will be much higher now I've been recovering
I just want the thoughts to go..