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Old 08-11-2018, 09:01 PM   #1
amy_
 
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Help. I miss the feeling *trigger warning*

I had a flash back this moring and my first thought was to cutt to feel the realse of the thought i was have ive been clean for almost 8 year i dont want to start cutting again i just find myself missing the release of it and the feeling it gave it was a realease and i cant get it out of my head today. I want to feel the pain of the razor . I miss the sound of my skin under it as a cut im scared im gonna relapse . I keep shaking i still have a blade but im married now and he will see if i cut im scared what he will say if i tell him . Its been years since he helped me cope with this. Im afraid he wont know what to say anymore. Please i need help

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Old 08-11-2018, 09:16 PM   #2
Pi.R^2
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Hey, I'm sorry that you've had a flashback and that it's causing you to have self harm urges. Was your husband helpful previously when he helped you cope? If so, I think it would be worth talking to him again. He might be sad that you're struggling but would want to help rather than have you suffer in silence.

Can you remember what helped you back then when you were stopping self harming?

One thing that I find useful to remind myself (I'm six years free) is that after all this time I probably don't actually remember exactly what cutting feels like and have most likely glamourised it in my head since then and see it as this wonderful release. So I've convinced myself that if I did it again I'd actually just be disappointed that it wasn't as good as I've hyped it up to be!



We’ll find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 08-11-2018, 09:37 PM   #3
amy_
 
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I remember ice helped but i dont have to ability to do that im at work right now i cant even think staight. He used to help by just talking to me and distracting me but hes at work and can do that right know. I feel like i cant breath i remember what it was like to cut part of me never forgot . I know it weird to say but i remember the sound of my skin ripping apart under the blade . I remember feeling like i was on a high when i cut . Im so scard if i cut know id do more damage and want more i dont have anything thats helped me in the past i used to usw rubber bands ice red pen or marker anything that wasnt a blade

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Old 09-11-2018, 09:57 AM   #4
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Something must have helped in the past because you managed to stop for so long!

What about listing all the negatives of cutting? I know it's easy to remember the "good" feelings but that's because you're in a certain state of mind right now where you think that's what you need.

What about the shame? The mess? The pain? The scars? The lying? Trips to A&E? Ruining clothes? The cost of medical supplies? Hurting yourself as well as other people? And the list goes on.

I can understand you're at work right now but that doesn't mean you can't talk to your husband later! Or even drop him a text now to say how you feel? Give him a quick call at lunch time?

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