Adult - A poem that may just be me rambling on.
I'm very scared if dying...
and I find myself trying to wrack my brains,
crying when it feels like someone's taken my mind away.
So I can't think of anything else but that thought.
Every unhealthy chip, choclate or energy drink could be my falling.
The calling of my heart to its death.
Every gust of wind tonight,
could blow down that enormous crane,
could crush my last breath as I sleep.
Oh but sleep does sound good though,
but what good is rest if you dint reap the benefits the next day!
I know I only get this way when I think of you,
and the fear kicks in and sits in my chest.
Yeah yeah the best thing is to keep myyself in the now,
but how do you allow it when the pain is too strong?
When you long for the past where he was still alive and could be saved,
or the future and all the good I can do in it,
if I can only hold onto the guilt.
I know it only sounds slightly positive but trust me,
The alternative is much worse. Nothing but bad,
My punishment has transmuted from the chair, to the lash,
to community service, which doesn't sound too hard.
Even if depression grips at my heart and burns me from the inside,
I still have to go out to work , cause if I didn't,
I'd cut myself or worse. I'm too scared to exist tight now and it hurts.
I have no choice right now but to make it right.
I have so much more to give but I broke.
Broken and cursed, worth every black smudge.
Deserving of every hard day on this earth.
That is my worth or else why even live anymore.
I take every wrong that I get and if it stopped...how could I even exist.