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Old 11-01-2014, 11:30 PM   #201
Patent Pending
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Sending you kind thoughts and love.

I hope you're able to get some rest tonight and things quieten down on the ward.

x x x



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Old 12-01-2014, 10:53 AM   #202
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Hey lovely,
I'm sorry you've put on a holding section. However, I also agree with Miss A. Out of curiosity why did you demand a discharge in the weekend when the consultant wasn't in or when you got 136'd the previous night? I'm sorry you're struggling but you do want the help but your acting quite ambivalent about it.

Right now, what would you want to happen or what do you want to achieve? Is there any goals you want to happen or anything? Maybe if you work towards something it might be easier to move forward? X



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Old 12-01-2014, 11:11 AM   #203
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As I've already said the consultant told me I could discharge myself at any point if I wanted, regardless of whether it was at a weekend or not. Am I not making myself clear?

I don't know what I want. Probably to get out of here and be left alone.



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Old 12-01-2014, 11:41 AM   #204
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Katie,
There's absolutely no need to keep snapping. You keep doing it whenever someone offers some support. I'm sorry you're struggling but people are trying to help but you're getting angry. What sort of support do you want from this thread now?

You said the consultant said you can leave whenever whether it's weekend or not. But you know yourself that when your consultant Is not on duty, the duty doctor has the day whether you get discharged or not. If they aren't sure then they will hold you there until the consultant is back as if anything happened to you when you've been discharged then it would a fail of duty of acre on their behalf as they didn't evaluate your risk factors.



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Old 12-01-2014, 01:17 PM   #205
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I can understand tou wanted to leave but given that youd been 136'd less than 24hours before logically you know no duty Dr would let you discharge yourself.
When was your last full cpa meeting? I read your other post about admissions as failure, I dont think they are in the sense that for a while they keep you safe BUT given you have repeated admissions which you dont want? And people know dont work, I was wondering why there hasnt been a big cpa where everyone can put other options on the table and come up with a plan that means you dont keep going round in circles? Like, you get out of ip, then something happens,you get 136'd or crisis team admit you, you a while and either get discharged or sectiined then discharged, then it repeats. It must be oretty hard for you keep having to have this happen?
Maybe whilst you are stuck there you could use the time think of other options, other treatments/therapies/resources that you could possibly access or referred to, to try and break the cycle but one that also means you have the chance to try improve things for you?

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Old 12-01-2014, 04:24 PM   #206
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5.2 is a 72 hr holding section, you will be reveiwed by the normal weekday staff as soon as Monday comes. You can speak to whoever said what they said about being able to leave and surely if you have had an okay weekend there will be no reason for them to keep you.

I'm going to ask because I am genuinely wondering, do you make repeated suicidal gestures for an unmet need to be saved, found, protected, or to express you're stuggling? It seems to be a common route that gets you admitted to hospital or 136'd by police and if you 'hate' being admitted and know it wont help I wonder if perhaps you partly want to be admitted, as much as you hate it once you are there so to speak. I do understand this, I think a lot of people want help, but then once they're given an admission they want to run away from it. I just wonder if you realise this could be a trend?

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Old 12-01-2014, 07:08 PM   #207
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Please appreciate that I am emotionally and physically drained beyond measure and I'm struggling to focus long enough to read your replies and create a coherent response. I'll do my best.

I haven't had a full CPA meeting for a long time. One was meant to be getting set up at the end of last year but it never happened. My CPN, the doctors and nurses here, my family and friends all feel like admission are still helpful when used appropriately, by that I mean when the timing is right, I can gain a lot from them. So that's why admissions keep happening. The reason I'm not engaging with it this time is because I'm beyond hope and feel like I want to die. I don't want to waste anyones time. I don't have the strength to do the work I would need to to get out of this alive. I am sick of the cycle of admissions but I don't know what to do about it. Normally the team I'm working with say no to all admissions when you started working with them regardless of how bad you are, but for some reason my CPN hasn't done that with me. I'm not entirely sure why. There is an enormous difference in my behaviour and level of engagement on the ward compared with what I used to be like. Now 90% of the time I go and seek staff out to talk to them, hand in things I can hurt myself with and stay safe. There are no further options in terms of other referrals and what not because I still have a year left with the PD team and everything happens with them.

That being said I'm due to get assessed for supported housing on Thursday but I don't know what my CPN thinks about it and he could very easily put a stop to it if he doesn't agree. It would be an 8 month placement and my hope would be, because it's 24 hour supported housing, that it would reduce admissions/stop them altogether.

I'm not sure why I have these repeated behaviours. I know that I get a lot out of self harm and I'm very addicted it to. Most of the time it's 'just' self harm rather than a suicide attempt, or rather I do and wouldn't mind if I died from it but that's not the sole reason I'm doing it if that makes sense. There is definitely a sense of relief that normally comes with being admitted. It's such a high level of support in comparison to the community and I lack confidence in my ability to keep myself safe. Normally when I've been admitted I'm grateful for the opportunity for support and I don't ever self discharge/request early discharge. This time has been different.



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Old 12-01-2014, 08:05 PM   #208
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Thanks for answering x I am sorry youre struggling so much. From the sounds of the supported housing,it sounds like it *could* work if admission gives you the support/safety thing,then having support staff where you live could maybe replicate that? Is that hiw its kinda expected to work? (Even if its not, its something to keep in mind incase you need to fight for it?). I didnt realise you were under the PD team,still, that long without a cpa is pretty bad,they could/should hold one even if everyone cant nake it (well with the peoole who can make the most dexisions)... I hooe you find it in you somewhere to try fight again,even though it must be extremely exhausting for you, there seem like a few options that could help you?
Apologies for the spelling-my phone doesnt seem to ryl xike r

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Old 12-01-2014, 09:01 PM   #209
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Thanks for the reply. Yes, that's the idea with the supported housing. Essentially using it as an alternative to ip but like I say I don't know what my cpn thinks about it yet and he could put a stop to it. I'm hoping to find some fight from somewhere.



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Old 13-01-2014, 05:33 PM   #210
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I had review today. I got very angry and upset. They've kept the section going. I wanted to go home today.



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Old 13-01-2014, 06:10 PM   #211
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I'm sorry to hear that Katie <3

Have they put a plan in place on how to help you whilst you are in there?



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Old 13-01-2014, 06:19 PM   #212
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No. There's no plan. I don't know what's going on.



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Old 13-01-2014, 06:33 PM   #213
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Could you talk to them about speeding up the supported accommodation route as a discharge plan? I don't know if it increases the pressure if you are being moved from hospital to supported living, rather than home to supported living, but worth asking about.

I understand lacking confidence in your abilities. When I did see the ED dietitian, I asked her every time to tell me that I could recover. I didn't believe I could and I needed someone else to carry that belief for me, and just remind me they believed it was possible.

If you have to stay, perhaps the ward, or you yourself, could call your PD worker and ask to see them for a bit of joined up thinking??

Sorry to hear the review was upsetting x

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Old 13-01-2014, 07:07 PM   #214
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My pd worker was at the review today. I ended up walking out because I couldn't handle it. I don't know about asking about supported housing. I'm meant to be having the assessment on Thursday. I just spoke to my allocated worker who said I'm not well and won't be discharged tomorrow. I think they might section me if I refuse to stay. I have no idea because consultant already said that he doesn't want to section me but he didn't drop the section today so I'm getting mixed messages and generally don't have a fucking clue what is going on. I might try hard to change my thinking/need to be discharged before tomorrow and just accept the admission.



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Old 13-01-2014, 07:16 PM   #215
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It might be they feel they would benefit from more time to assess your mental state, and thus are pushing the 5.2 as long as it can go without making a bigger decision.

It sounds like they don't want to hold you there against your will, but that they are very very concerned for you at this time.

If you have the option of voluntary, I genuninely believe it would be best to go this route and stay a few days, a week or so and get together a more long term plan to manage your crises/general mental health.

I'm just thinking of what you say about 90% of the PD team clients being blanket refused admissions and I think that being there voluntary and working to co-operate and make use of the admission is going to be the best way to keep this option of admission in your individual case continue. I hope that makes sense, but I hear also that you normally find this productive and it would be sad to lose that opportunity/available option.

x

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Old 13-01-2014, 07:24 PM   #216
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Yes I think you're right. I'm not sure I want/will ever want any further admissions though.



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Old 13-01-2014, 10:10 PM   #217
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You might if your mood changed or you felt differently about the purpose of admission. Try not to burn any bridges.

I hope you get some decent sleep tonight x

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Old 14-01-2014, 08:24 AM   #218
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Hey lovely,
How are you feeling today? I agree with Miss A, don't burn your bridges because in the past you have said the admission has helped therefore it could help again. I'm sorry your struggling and seem to be having a hard time. Maybe like you said a few posts up^^ that you may have to accept the admission? Perhaps it could help by giving you a break from everything and maybe so you can build up your strength so one day hopefully soon you can start fighting again? And show your sister how strong you are?

I don't know but from what you said it does seem like they do want you in hospital therefore if you argue or refuse it sounds likely they will pursue the 5:2 until they are slightly more satisfied with your safety.

Take care Hun x



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Old 14-01-2014, 11:45 AM   #219
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The 5.2 ran out today. I've calmed down and got over myself a little bit. I spoke to the consultant and his recommendation was that I stay another week. My cpn wants me discharged though. I have the right to discharge myself because th consultant doesn't want me sectioned. I've agreed to stay and 'engage' with them. I might impulsively change my mind and self discharge but we'll see. Presumably 'engaging' means talking to the staff and not self harming.

I am feeling slightly calmer. I'm not on 15 minute obs anymore and I have unescorted leave which has calmed me down and made me feel less trapped.



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Old 15-01-2014, 02:05 AM   #220
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Hey Katie,

I'm glad you've calmed down.

I think it might help for you to stay for a while and not be under section.

I hope you're able to engage and it helps.

x x x



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