I knew that it wouldn't be too much longer before I turned back to my old ways.
And here we are. Round of applause for ****ing up again charlie. Well done-./ urge, I thought I'd be ok. I thought I knew myself again and I've just realised I haven't got a bloody clue who I am. I knew I was like, the tiniest fraction away from self harm again, I had been thinking of where to get blades from for 2 days, cause i threw all my others away, heat of the 'I'm going to be ok' monent. I lied.
Earlier, I tried to tell my mum I wasn't ok... And well, can't say she caught my drift... I said 'August sucks' mum 'its only just started, how can it suck?' me 'because I feel really sad again' mum 'you'll be fine, it's just the stress of leaving your school to go to college' me *thinks* oh yeah, that is exactly what it is-.- not. I WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE THAT WILL HELP ME BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! That's what my head is constantly screaming!
Anyways, I cut myself again tonight, fresh blades so they did a bad job:/ by that I mean it was bad... As in, well bad:L sorry I'm a shocking explainer.
I just can't believe I've gone in a complete circle -.- why can't I just be ok. I was fairly ok without sh for a year, why can't I be like that all the time. I don't want any more scars but I need to do something to stop the pain, I don't want to be like this forever, promise me I won't be?:'(