Struggling. Again.

[Cacoethes]

Sorry to make a thread but I'm really struggling with thoughts of contamination and being worried about cars and birds.
I can't let anyone at the cmht know about anything so I'm a bit stuck

[chinahorse]

Why cant you let people at the cmht know?

[Cacoethes]

Because I'm on a CTO and if they think I'm getting unwell again then they can put me back in hospital really easily and then I'll have to go to supported housing and I don't want any of that

[chinahorse]

Have you thought of it this way. The CTO is there to keep you safe and well when you loose the insight to do so yourself. If you show insight and are proactive in saying I'm struggling with x,y,z what can we do to work together to keep me out of hospital and supported they are more likely to keep you out of hospital. If you nip this in the bud now, with their support it demonstrates that you can be trusted to work with them and identify what's going wrong early on.

[nonperson]

Or if you tell them now before things get out of hand then they might be able to work with you to keep you at home while receiving extra support?

I know it's not what you want to do but I think it's better to speak up. If you do nothing then all those things will happen anyway! This won't go away on its own... =/

Edit: Lillie said it so much better above.

[Cacoethes]

That is true
I hadn't thought of it like that
It's just scary

[chinahorse]

Of course it's scary. But as np said if it was going to go away by itself it would have done so by now.

[nonperson]

Understandably scary. No one wants you to have to give up your house etc though.

[Cacoethes]

Thanks guys
I'm mostly worried that they'll decide my meds aren't working. The only other option is clozapine which I'm not willing to take again and it doesn't come in an injectable form so they can't force it on me.
I think that was the point of the supported housing thing, to put me back on clozapine and be supported to take it regularly because I was really bad for stopping it randomly.
But surely supported housing would be pointless if I refuse the clozapine anyway??
Sorry if none of that makes sense

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

Wanna echo what others have said - sending love. x

[chinahorse]

Can you tell them your concerns and what youd like to avoid?

[Cacoethes]

Thanks E&C x

Yes I could do Lillie
I think they are sceptical of me anyway
When I had my psych appointment I said I really don't want to go back to hospital and I won't stop taking my meds again and both psych and my CC raised their eyebrows and said 'well you've said that before'

[chinahorse]

So, prove them wrong.

[one_step_closer]

If you're honest and work with them to stay well then you have more of a chance of staying at home and living a life that suits you. I think everyone has said very wise things, don't let things get worse and then be completely out of your control. You can do this.

[Cacoethes]

I should do Lillie

That's true lindsay
Thanks

[one_step_closer]

What do you think you might do about your worries then? Are you managing ok tonight or do you need to contact someone?

[Cacoethes]

I'm ok tonight I think
Just had a shower which always calms me down for a short period of time
I might try and contact my CC next week
Could send her a text but have no clue what to say

[nonperson]

Could you just text and ask if she's coming to see you soon? Or it might be better to be more direct and ask if she could come and visit you because you've got some things you want to talk about. And then you've got time to plan what to say or write something down.

[Cacoethes]

Thats a good idea
I'm actually surprised she hasn't contacted me so far
She's usually quite good with that so I'm overdue a visit anyway

[Auror.]

Sorry if this is a really dumb question, because I don't totally know how a CTO works there. But can you make a mental health directive of sorts? Like of your wishes (i.e. not to take clozapine again, to stay in your own independent housing, etc.) so that they know what are the most important priorities for you? I can only imagine the CTO must really suck and it can make it hard to trust them, but maybe there are still ways to make sure your rights and priorities get taken into consideration? I know for me sometimes if I have big worries like that, planning for the worst actually helps because then I know if it happens, I've already got a plan for how to handle it.