Self harm craving for no reason help

Rainydaysneverend123 · 12-06-2018, 05:01 AM

TW: Cutting

I'm clean from cutting for a little more than a year. In that year I went to therapy regularly and cut a lot of toxic people out my life. Problem is, none of my current friends reakly understand how bad it all (depression, cutting, anxiety, home life, etc.) was before I started therapy. Life has gotten a lot better for me, but even so for the last month or so of school (April/May) I have wanted really badly to cut just because, not because I was sad or numb or anything. I just craved it. And this hasn't gone away. Now it summer, I live alone which I hate because I'm a lonely extrovert who feels trapped, and I don't have therapy. I don't know what to do. I am way more self aware from therapy, so I realized without cutting I use food, sex, etc. to replace it. But now since it's summer and I don't actually have a reason to be stressed other than my parents' problems (which is nothing new) it stands out more. I just don't know what to do.

Pi.R^2 · 12-06-2018, 06:12 PM

Hey, well done for reaching one year free and for reaching out when things have started to get diffficult. Would it be worth trying to seek some sort of therapy to help you build up healthy strategies to manage the feelings?

What are your plans over the summer? Perhaps making plans to be with other people at some points might help with the loneliness. It could also be helpful to think about the reasons you stopped in the first place and try to use those reasons to motivate you now.

rubylee111 · 13-06-2018, 12:15 AM

I used to feel the same way.I would get cravings for cutting even after a good day and when everything seemed to be going fine.I still do from time to time but I'm able to push it aside.You can try reading a book if you enjoy reading,or you can even start now! It's a healthy escape.You cross into someone else's world and you immerse yourself in it,by the time you know it the urge will have passed.I can't offer much help but I'm a message away if you need to ever talk about this.❤

Rainydaysneverend123 · 13-06-2018, 04:50 AM

Thank you both. I'm trying to start therapy again but I haven't had the strength to make the call yet. I think what's bothering me so much is I feel like I can't talk about it with any of my current friends. Usually having people around helps but since no one knows I can't just say hey I'm craving this terrible thing can you come over. Like even right now I'm thinking about. This summer is really lonely and monotonous so I think I'm craving it honestly so I have some kind of good feeling, even temporary. The only thing really holding me back is I don't want to break the streak of clean for a year.

Pi.R^2 · 14-06-2018, 07:31 PM

I'm glad you've got some motivation to keep fighting it. The 'good' feeling wouldn't be worth it.

I hope you can manage to push yourself to make that call, is there anything in particular that you're finding hard about doing it? I'm sorry you don't feel like you can talk about it with your current friends; even if you don't feel ready to tell them the details, perhaps just arranging to spend time with them (maybe telling them a little bit, even if it's just that you're feeling a little lonely and would love tot hang out) would be helpful.