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Old 23-07-2016, 10:42 PM   #1
not_so_insig
It's Bouquet! B-U-C-K-E-T!
 
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Join Date: Sep 2004
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Feel like throwing it all away

I have a sore on my arm which I half pick and half take care of. I pick it because I have a bad habit and sometimes I want to see blood (which is one of the reasons I have cut in the past). I also rather enjoy taking care of my sore. It's probably the only time I practice self care.

But I am tempted to cut again. I really find the sore triggering. I know there's nothing I can do until the sore heals. I know that I will cut time and time again if I start again. I have worked bloody hard to get to 5 years free. But I am tempted to throw it away.

I can't do my usual distraction because I am not at home and everything is there. Normally I would take prn but I have none.

Idk what I want from this other than to get it off my chest.



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013


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Old 23-07-2016, 11:40 PM   #2
EMH
 
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is there any way you could cover it up? i know youre not at home with your things but maybe just some folded up kitchen roll and stick it with micropore tape if you dont have any plasters?

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Old 28-07-2016, 05:15 PM   #3
Pi.R^2
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Sorry I didn't respond to this sooner. Are you back at home now?

Maybe you could print off/look through some of the "X years free" threads you have made over the last few years to help remind you of all the hard work you've done- you could even carry some with you in case you are away from home again and need some reminders as to why not to give in.



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Old 30-07-2016, 06:38 PM   #4
not_so_insig
It's Bouquet! B-U-C-K-E-T!
 
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Thanks Jenna.

I can't put a plaster on it due to the location (it's very near the joint ) because the movement means that they don't stick very long.

I don't have an printer but I might start bringing colouring books again so that I have something to do.

It seems to be healing (at least it's becoming harder to pick) now though. I haven't cut so far though.



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013


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Old 31-07-2016, 01:44 AM   #5
Bellatrix
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You could also start planning your 6 year free present to yourself and getting excited about it. Or if that feels like too far away and you need something more urgent you could look into a smaller gift for yourself if you make it another month and then another month.

I also like Jenna's idea of reading your old threads for inspiration and motivation.

You could also write down a list of reasons why you stopped in the first place.

I can empathise though. When I get an accidental wound (I have a pretty bad one on my leg right now) I feel a sense of excitement that I have a wound to tend to and look after. In a way I think it's because it's the only way I can show myself physically that I'm looking after myself. Maybe you could try practicing other self care things like taking the time to have a pamper session with a long bath and face/hair mask and nail painting and moisturizing and a nice hot drink. Ways you can show you're looking after yourself without the physical need for a wound to do so.

You've come so far, don't give up now lovely.




Imperfection is underrated.



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