*cuddles Helen* Hope your nan gets her walk too, as it will help her heal faster. Is it difficult seeing her like this? It must be... *gentle hugs for all of the stuff you're going through*
*cuddles Laura* Yeh, I think you'll be fine once you're in the water. Just make sure the newer cuts are well taken care of, but you know that... and maybe put some more antibiotic etc. on them after swimming? because even chlorinated pools can have bacteria that live in them. I don't blame you for being self-conscious but I am pretty sure that no one would notice. If you don't mind me asking (and it's okay if you do, no offense taken), where do you cut? *more cuddles*
Can't go shooting today as it's raining. :( Boo hiss. I was kind of looking forward to that, even though I feel shitty and really full right now. I'm struggling with my parents... I posted awhile ago in the ED forum about this, but I'll post about it here too - my mum has an ED and eats barely anything yet expects me to eat so much more than she does. It's really, really triggering to see her nibble at her food and then have her expect me to eat as much as Jarrod (hubby) does!!
Also... I need to tell my parents about the sexual abuse in high school... but I don't know when, or how, or how to go about doing this. Should I post a thread about this in abuse/bullying?
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Yeh, I think I will post in A&B, they are good there although I tend not to get a ton of replies as I don't post tons there. I do some, in a few threads, but as I haven't had a ton of experience with A&B stuff, I don't always know the right sort of things to say. Plus, it can trigger flashbacks if I'm not careful. :(
I'm really not feeling well... don't feel like typing it all out here but there's a lot going on in my head... I'll try to post in my venting spot in a bit but that's not much good, is it? :-X
:(
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
It feels like everything is too hard for me too. I posted in A&B... not sure how many responses I'll get.
So much going on in my head right now, it feels like a whirlpool.
Don't know what to do to get my mind off it. I feel like I'm drowning.
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Just got told off by someone that I care about... it ****ing hurt... she didn't mean it to be harsh but said that she "doesn't believe in sugar coating things." It was about giving up etc. Said I can't, that there are lots of people out there with problems like mine but the difference between them & me is that they have taken responsibility over their actions and not given in to blah blah blah.
:(
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
*hides in dark corner for the rest of forever & ever*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
*cuddles Helen* How're you, love? feeling any better? how're your friends?
Just had a shithole of a session with my therapist. It was over the phone and only half an hour (okay, 20 minutes) instead of the expected 45-50 minutes. UGH. It really was useless. We didn't talk about telling my parents about the sexual abuse, we didn't talk about the bulimia, we didn't talk about much of ANYTHING.
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Could maybe email her or ring her again?? :( *cuddles tight*
I think I'm still feeling ****. Deep down I know I'm having a very bad day, I didn't get out of bed til nearly 3pm :/
My best friend G, who was in hospital, is doing okay physically apart from her hip etc. Mentally, not so good. Nearly phoned an ambulance on her last night but thankfully she got in touch again and we had a chat and stuff. Her daughter's not very well today, poor love :(
My other best friend J, she seems to be doing good again today like yesterday =) It's 5 weeks now until I get to see her yay =D
Aw Helen, I wish that I could make your day go better. At least your friends are doing okay... what happened with G's hip? Hopefully she'll mend quickly, both physically & emotionally/mentally... although I know that physical healing generally comes more quickly than mental/emotional. I will keep you all in my prayers. *cuddles*
I'm so tired... it's been a kinda busy day. My sister and I went to Walmart where I overspent... just a little but still, I hate it when I do that. I feel so out of control then, but oh well... :(
*sigh*
So I kinda feel like ****. Plus I had the chance to go to the gym and turned it down... probably should've gone but didn't want to, stupid me. Instead I'm going to do the workout that Vince told us... but I am scared that I am going to be rubbish at it... and blah blah blah, who cares... whatever.
:(
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
april - i wouldnt worry too much about what ur friend said to u. She cant understand your exact situation and everyone is different. Sorry that you had a bad therapy session. Maybe you could write it out for her like helen suggested.
helen - glad to hear that your friends are at least ok. Sorry you are having a bad day.
Swimming went okay-ish yesterday. I had a lot of anxiety, but i dont think anyone noticed, except maybe one of my friends.. who kept throwing me disapproving looks but didnt say anything to me. April, to answer your question, i usually cut on arms or legs, depending on my mood. It was my leg this time, i guess i shouldve thought it thru better... but i figured that it was january.. so swimming didnt cross my mind.
School starts again tomorrow. Im nervous, but i always am nervous at the beginning of semesters.
<3
forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past - buddy wakefield
April, to answer your question, she had hip sugury and popped it out again last week :( I think it'll take her a very long time to heal, she's rather ill really :( But I still love her to death, though she can't understand why :( I'm sure you'll be good at the workout.
Laura, good luck with the new semster :) Understandabel to be nevrous and glad the swimming went okay.
I'm really really upset about few things, oh well >_> Not like anyone freaking cares anymore.
*squishes Laura* Glad that swimming went okay. I cut on my arms, which is probably not the wisest thing to do as my arms are covered in very visible scars... and I have an internship this summer to do. :-X I'll probably be working with psychiatrically disturbed patients and I'm not sure what the staff will think about having an intern who is also psychiatrically disturbed. Urf.
It's understandable, as Helen said, to be nervous about a new semester. God knows I am... I am not ready at all... it doesn't feel like it's actually going to start, you know? I'm sure once I get started on it, it won't be bad, but the starting is always the worst part. >_< I hope you enjoy your classes - and I hope that I do too!! Last semester was an epic fail in terms of enjoyment. Yuck. I hated my courses so much.
*cuddles Helen* We care here about what's going on in your head & life, love. Please remember that. You can always PM me about stuff... I am a good listener & can be a good support, and once in awhile can come up with some good advice. Heh.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend's hip... that had to hurt like hell.
What's upsetting you? *holds you gently*
Just did part of my workout & it was pretty fantabulous. Just the arms and some squats, but it got me warm & my heart pumping, which was what I was aiming for. Woohoo. Only about 20 minutes of exercise, but it is better than nothing & pretty good for someone who's just been ill for almost a week. :)
I'm really upset about that friend still... :(
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
*hugs april* you could always just wear longer sleeves to your internship. If ur psych problems dont affect ur work i dont see why they would have a problem. And i hope that the new semester is better for u! I agree though, starting is the worst. In fact, i think the first day of classes is painful, but after that it usually gets better. Glad your workout went good.
*cuddles helen* i agree with what april said, we care here. You can always talk to us.
<3
forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past - buddy wakefield
*hugs Laura* Thing is, I don't know if my psych problems will get in the way of work... I hope not, but I am scared that I will get triggered, or the patients/clients will try & push my buttons to make me upset, or I'll go psychotic or suicidal and have to be hospitalized myself. :( I really don't know. It's scary. Sometimes I wish I had been in a different major but I love psychology so much I wouldn't switch for the world. :) It's so fascinating and plus, I know I will have the chance to change people's worlds. THAT will be uber awesome... if only I can get myself stable enough to help other people first. :-X
How's your day been? :)
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
A couple of nights ago I had two of my friends around. We shall call them H & K. Orginally it was just going to be me & H as we had a few things planned for the day and the evening. We ended up not going to the cinema, but went ahead with the takeaway/alcohol bit. She invites K, which I was half happy/half not happy about. Selfishly wanted her to myself.
They both didn't even arrive and over 30 minutes later, I met them at the chinese place, which was fine, apart from the pouring rain and their whinging about getting a ****ing taxi when they only had like 10 more minutes to walk. Spent most of the evening making comments, more H than K, as she knows more. That upset me. Less than two hours later, they've gone!!!
Since then, apart from the rest of that evening, both are pretty much ignoring me. I should be seeing H on Wednesday and now I'm scared I'll end up rowing with her. I've known her since we were 11 and started at same school :( Now nearly 20!! We've only ever had one row and that was just epic tiredenss and emotions running really highly.
I'm being pathetic. Feels like nobody gives a **** somtimes. It's fine. Not like I'm really strugglign at the moment.
Yeah, it probably did hurt her, but when she popped it out, she wasn't exactly concious..
