What am I?

[Milkcoffee]

Well, well, people. I am a very strange case of self-harm. Let's say I've started since I was only six years old and I still do it. I'm used to tying myself to my ***, and I feel something like pleasure when I do that. And since I was a child, I've always had dark fantasies about someone else hurting me and, most of times, killing me. I know it's strange, but I've always felt great. And I wonder why. Please... I need an answer.

[XxDarkenedHeartXx]

Sorry that you haven't had a reply for so long.......

I don't think there's anything like a strange case of self-harm. Self harm is by definition hurting yourself, which is not "normal". It's just a case.
And have you ever asked a professional that? You will probably not get very accurate answers here.

[Milkcoffee]

Thank you for your reply ^^

No, I haven't. I think my madness would be understood by a very few people, I live in a small town in Italy and they aren't so serious here...

[EMH]

maybe you fantasise about someone hurting you because that would somehow justify the emotional pain youre in, give you more of a reason other people would understand rather than just internal destruction which is invisible.

on my darkest days ive often wanted someone to kill me. because i think for your loved ones, its different to deal with it if someone else did it, someone to blame, rather than suicide.

few people may understand but do consider going to a doctor about this and get some support, there will be people out there who understand