Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: UK
I am currently:  
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If theres any mistakes in the last chapter I wrote and these chapters that are coming next then I'm sorry and I will correct them when I get onto my laptop, I am writing this on my iPhone.*
* Chapter 25*
Waking with a drowsy head my mum and dad are sat beside me, whispering to eachother. My dad holding my mum in his arms as she looks sad. I sit up and look around the room, in a hospital bed again? What for now?*
"your awake!" dad says and I stare at him*
'forget that i'm awake, why the hell am I in hospital?' I ask him and look up*
"don't you remember what happened? I mean, last week?" he puts my hand in his and I snatch it back*
'no... I don't. What happened last week?' confusion runs through me, doubt starts running through my mind, questions, where's Luke? Why am I in a hospital ward? Why is my hand bandaged up? Again I wake to find tubes coming out of me and bandages wrapped around me with my parents doing the doting patent act which seems to fool everyone in this damn hospital.*
"there was an incident, some problems on the ward, with your friend" dad says and looks at mum "with your friend Mike... You remember him don't you?" i close my eyes tightly and images flash through my mind. My body shakes violently and I go ice cold*
"Laura, listen to me! There's nothing you could of done, he wasn't in the right mind that day, he was confused, hurting, he wasn't right.. In the head... Please understand that" He continues and my eyes shoot open again*
'are you trying to tell me that.. Mike... He's.. Mike.. Is dead? Please tell me he's alive, please tell me he's ok..' I watch my father look at me then pace around the room and then look at my mum who's shaking her head*
"I'm sorry, Laura" she says. I shake my head with her and stare at her, then my dad and back again*
'your sorry? Your sorry? Oh Laura, I'm sorry for being completely and utterly f*cking selfish that I will put you in a mental institution so then I can cover up that I'm a crap mother to you. I'm sorry that I'll put you in a mental institution with all the PSYCHOS. I'm sorry I will make you look insane because you might cut yourself every now and then, because of me, your mother. I'm sorry that I humiliated you infront of many many people, ran off because I wanted a break and would leave you, my daughter on her own, with nothing, no one. I'm sorry that I will take the one and only person away that loves you and will ever truly understand you. I'm sorry, for being a s*it mother and a s*it father to you...' a nurse walks in and my dad tells her to stand back and let me get it out "I'm sorry, Laura, for destroying you, for blaming you for everything, for taking away your childhood, for treating you so badly. I'm sorry Laura for letting you see the things you saw. For letting you hear the things you heard. Your not sorry, you will never be sorry to me and to anyone else, either of you. You've messed with my life too much, I'm done with you, maybe I'll be better off in this f*cking mental institution with all these nut cases because you know why? At least they care, at least they have compassion, at least they try to understand why I hurt so much, at least they might listen and accept I'm a person, I feel real things. That I'm my own person, I'm not you, or you. I never will be, ever' I stare at my mother who has tears coming down her face and tissue in her hand to try and hide that she is crying*
'laura, you need to calm down now' the nurse says to me as she steps closer to me*
'No, I don't. I need to say what I've wanted to say for years, for all this time I've kept it in. I need to get this out, now' I tell her*
"would you like me to call for Valerie to have a family meeting in the private room?" she asks me and I nod*
'actually yes, could you? Would you get Hayley too?' I ask her and she smiles, walks out and we sit in silence. My mum still sobbing and my dad still gobsmacked. I watch the clock on the wall and watch as every minute ticks by. Twenty-nine minutes had passed when Valerie walks in with a clipboard, she helps me put my slippers and dressing gown on then shows us to the room they had prepared, Hayley sat on a seat, one empty chair one side of her and two the other. I sit on the one empty chair and my parents in the two*
"I heard you wanted a family meeting, Laura" Valerie says to me and I nod. For once her voice doesn't make me want to curl into a ball and I'm putting up with the way she speaks to you, in the tone she does. "would you like to start?" Valerie asks my mum and she shakes her head "well what about you?" she asks me dad and he shakes his head "Laura..." she finally looks at me and I nod*
'Valerie, I'm finally ready to talk infront of these two people, in the prescence of people that I'm comfortable in talking around, which is why I asked Hayley to be here' Valerie nods and I look at my parents, holding hands with eachother and terror both written on their face*
"When your ready, Laura, in your own time" Valerie gets her clipboard and pen ready and I take a deep breath*
'mum... Dad... If that's what your being called, I don't see how you should be allowed to be called such names.. But I guess crazy things happen' I grunt as a laugh, almost sarcastically 'i've wanted for so long to say what I could to you but I've always had fear that if I do I will either be beaten, belittled or locked up and now? What do I have to lose? My friend has just killed himself and he slashed my hand open and injured another man who was there to help him..' I pause for a second and look at valerie 'is he ok?' I ask, him being the therapist, I never knew this persons name. He was middle aged. Kind, he cared about his patients, I just never had him as a therapist myself, this is all I have heard*
"he's doing well, recovering at home" Hayley says and I smile
'good, now where was I? Oh yes... I don't have anything to lose. I won't lose my parents, I won't lose the person I love. I won't lose this apparent unconditional love that a mother is meant to have for their child, I never had that, never from either of you...' I stand up and walk to window*
"I have always loved you, Laura, always" my mum says to me and I shake my head*
'you have never loved me, you've never found it in your heart to find any feeling for me. To find anything in that disgusting heart of yours for me. You've said so yourself. I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for the man beside you who happened to have some lively sperm one night. you wanted me gone, you hated me because apparently I ruined your life..'*
"laura, It isn't..." mum interrupts me*
'let me speak' I interrupt her back and she nods*
'how could you do it? All of it? Treat me like a slave, order me about, use me as a babysitter, humiliate me. How could you take me away from him, from Luke? How? What did I ever do wrong? Did I look at you wrong, did I dress wrong? Was I not quite like you enough?' I look at her and she stays silent*
'i'm asking you a question...' I say to her and our eyes meet*
"my life was in meltdown, my illness got worse, it took a few years to see, you got the brunt of it because you were always around and I'm sorry about that, I guess you were unlucky..." she says to me and my dad nods in agreement*
'i got unlucky? So what, because I got u lucky I deserved to be treated like you had trod on me? Did I deserve to be hit, beaten?' mum shakes her head*
"I never hit you or beat you up..." she stares at the ground and my dad lets go of her hand*
'tell the truth, for God sake just tell the truth, you owe me this, right now, it's now or it's never' I tell her and she looks at the man sat next to her. Who's eyes meet mine and I can see in them what he's thinking, that he needs to let it out too but he's afraid*
"I.... I...." mum looks at Hayley, then Valerie and then me "I hurt you, I beat you, I screamed at you and I blamed you. I took everything away from you and I made you suffer for all those years, I admit it, ok? I admit I did it, I made your father suffer too, i got drunk every night and shouted at you both, I slept around. I hit you, humiliated you, I punished you for wrong doings that I did, ok? I did it all, I admit it, does that make you happy now? Does it?" she screams at me and I shake my head*
'no, because you know why? I had to make you say it, I have had to open my heart up to you, I have tried for year after year after year for you to tell someone, to help me because you wanted too, because you finally saw I deserved to be free, because you want to free me from the prison that you called life...' I cry and Hayley comes and stands by me 'i tried to get away and start my life over again with someone that loved me and cared for me and you snatched it away from me. You choked me, you suffocated me. I can't stand you and you can't accept that you created that, you've created a monster in me, LOOK AT ME!' I scream back at her and she jumps when I do
'and look at him, mother' I say pointing to my dad who's face is covered by his hand 'look at him. He's turning into you, he used to love me, he used to care, he used to try and protect me, until you destroyed him too, until you took away his happiness and his freedom. You try and blame me and him but you never blame yourself.. You never accept the truth, you never put your hands up and admit it' I walk to my dad and kiss his forehead and wipe his tears away*
'i love you for the person you were, dad, I love you for who you were before she started, before she created this' i tell him and he reaches his hand up and wipes away my tears. I walk back to the window and look out of it*
'Hayley, will you go and get him?' I ask her and she looks at me and then Valerie, who nods in agreement. Hayley walks out of the room and I return to looking out of the window.....
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