As some of you know, this has been quite a rough year for me emotionally. I've been down on myself to the point of being suicidal.
Most of my problems can be traced back to one particular aspect of my life: the fact that I'm single and have been for quite some time. I just feel so alone because of it. Honestly, the reason i wasn't able to enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas as much as I have in the past is because almost all my cousins (most are around my age) have significant others they brought to family gatherings. Some are even engaged already. Hell, my sister is 3 years younger than me and she's already been engaged once. My friends are mostly taken as well, even those who've been single almost as long as I have. It consumes me...literally as I've had 2 stomach ulcers in the past year. I just feel like I have so much to offer a girl but will never be given a chance.
What concerns me is that I feel like I come across as desperate because I hate being single so much. I try not to make it so obvious but I feel even when I try to downplay its importance, girls can just sense it. Either that or I over-compensate and come across as someone who doesn't care or I become unable to show off my personality because I'm trying too hard to not to be too nice.
I don't know what to do. I'm just so alone and I think of how much better my life could be if I could just find that significant other...even if just for a little while. Hell, I wouldn't even mind a lot of fighting or getting dumped. At least it would mean I was with somebody. I'm just so sick of being unloved
About 5 years ago I left the dating world due to being burned by women so many times. I tried to reenter it 3 years ago but it certainly hasn't been easy. Women have hurt me so much in the past and they're hurting me even more right now...and they don't even know it.
I've played with the idea of taking my life on January 1st, 2013 if I don't find someone by then. I'm not saying I have to marry the girl but if I didn't have someone to kiss as the ball drops next New Year's Eve I would end my life as an unloveable person. However, I can't do that simply because I could never hurt my family like that. I need to find another way to punish myself if I go through all of 2012 single. Maybe I'll just run away and start a new life somewhere else.
What can I do any advice? How can I not be single for so much longer? AM I bothered too much by this? If so, how do I not be bothered by it so much anymore? I just hate being alone!
Last edited by CaptainB2 : 28-12-2011 at 06:29 AM.
Reason: changed wording
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
I know how you feel in a way, my brother and sister were both married and had kids by the time they were my age, AI quit dating for 3 years, it gets hard, it took me a while, just put yourself out there, as much as I hate to admit it, I met my current girlfriend on craigslist. We just met today for the first time
Take me away, I just want out from this self-imprisoned self-made Hell. Don't be surprsed, this is your mind coming to life by self-sacrifice. This tragedy of death will walk hand in hand with every thought of regret. Blame yourself for what you've become. The mind is a powerful thing set to self-destruct.
~I, Dementia - Whitechapel~
You can never be too nice.. maybe you can but I wouldn't worry to much about being nice . I notice I tend to fall for girls who are commited to someone already.. stupid commiters.. -_-
Just don't fret. You can always ask ppl around you if they have any friends that are single. Start somewhere. Or just start talking to ppl when u go out, friend whoring actually kind of works. I used to do it. I was just never sober when I did it so I would forget to get numbers or give mine lol.
You can always move to, most girls like out-of-towners because you are different from a lot of ppl in that area. I wish I had more advice. I'm not sure if I could ever commit again. But ya, you'll get this. I know you will :)
I'm a member of OKCupid.com. I've been on since last summer. It hasn't been nearly as effective as I thought it would be though
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
Yeah dating sites are worse chance than going out to bars to meet someone in my experience, you have about a one in a million shot of finding somebody on one of them still, and then you have a bout a 1 in 20 chance of finding someone thats not just a bot or someone from another dating website trying to get you to use their service.
Take me away, I just want out from this self-imprisoned self-made Hell. Don't be surprsed, this is your mind coming to life by self-sacrifice. This tragedy of death will walk hand in hand with every thought of regret. Blame yourself for what you've become. The mind is a powerful thing set to self-destruct.
~I, Dementia - Whitechapel~
I wish I had advice, but I am in the same boat as you. The last "real" boyfriend I had was 2 years ago. Since then, I have dated, but it's been nothing serious, and all 3 pseudo-relationships ended terribly and I got incredibly hurt. (Come to think of it, I have never had a healthy romantic relationship before.) I don't understand it either. Not to sound arrogant, but I've been told I'm good looking, guys flirt with me, but I only seem to attract assh*les that don't actually want to *date*. (They just want to have "fun.") My friends tell me I am a good person...I think I'd be a decent girlfriend, as I am kind, need my own space/not too needy, etc...but.....I think what it comes down to is my lack of self-esteem. My good friend told me you can't love someone else (or expect them to love you) unless you love yourself......I know I am very self-deprecating, but what confuses me is my friends don't make a huge deal about it.....They don't like that I do it and try to encourage me otherwise, but they sure as hell have never "dumped" me for it...And I guess guys can somehow sense my lack of self-esteem. Not sure how, because I only go off on tangents about it when drunk...Though I met one guy last year and he told me he came over to talk to me because "I looked sad." Easy prey, I guess.
I totally understand where are you coming from, and this has REALLY been getting me down lately too (I often wonder if I am fretting about it too much). But, I am 26, single, most of my friends are dating seriously or are married...I am the perpetual Single Girl. I just feel like no one will ever want me, and it turns into a vicious cycle.
I have been trying to be more positive and not so hard on myself, but it's difficult to change such engrained thought patterns...Do you have any friends you can talk to about this? My friend offered to help me with all this because he was once where I am mentally, so I'd advise to find someone you could vent to. I think you should try and focus on bettering yourself and thought patterns, and hopefully someone will come and things will fall into place (trying to take my own advice here too, lol.)
Wish I could be of more help, but you can PM me if you'd like.
Hey, I just wanted to say that I can relate to you on so many points you mentioned, and you're definitely not the only person out there without a partner. I know how hard it is to not have a special someone when it seems like everyone else does, but for the time being, please try to remember that romantic love is not the only love there is. I know it's not the same thing, but I'm sure you're loved right now by your family and your friends, and they would be terribly upset if you were to end your life.
You don't deserve to be punished because you're single, and it doesn't mean you're a flawed person in any way. It just means you haven't met the right person yet, and not to sound rude, but based on your sister's age, I'd say that she's too young to have been engaged anyway. I know it's hard not to compare yourself to others in today's society, but what's right for someone else might not necessarily be right for you at the moment (and just because someone else is dating/engaged at the moment doesn't always mean they should be, I've seen examples).
I'm several years younger than you, but I've never even been on a date and guys don't seem to pay much attention to me. I know it must hurt to have experienced relationships that didn't work out, but if you can look on the bright side, you do have attractive qualities that women admire, and hopefully in the future they'll attract the right kind of woman for you.
I understand your pain, but please don't end things. If you do, you'll never get to know what might have been, and what wonderful women you may meet after 2012, although that's not to say you won't meet people in 2012 as well.
Hang in there, I'm thinking of you. <3
"It's not a dream anymore. It's worth fighting for."
"Well, if it's not real you can't hold it in your hands
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it.
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh, even in the dark
And that's where I want to be, yeah" - Paramore
I wish I had advice, but I am in the same boat as you. The last "real" boyfriend I had was 2 years ago. Since then, I have dated, but it's been nothing serious, and all 3 pseudo-relationships ended terribly and I got incredibly hurt. (Come to think of it, I have never had a healthy romantic relationship before.) I don't understand it either. Not to sound arrogant, but I've been told I'm good looking, guys flirt with me, but I only seem to attract assh*les that don't actually want to *date*. (They just want to have "fun.") My friends tell me I am a good person...I think I'd be a decent girlfriend, as I am kind, need my own space/not too needy, etc...but.....I think what it comes down to is my lack of self-esteem. My good friend told me you can't love someone else (or expect them to love you) unless you love yourself......I know I am very self-deprecating, but what confuses me is my friends don't make a huge deal about it.....They don't like that I do it and try to encourage me otherwise, but they sure as hell have never "dumped" me for it...And I guess guys can somehow sense my lack of self-esteem. Not sure how, because I only go off on tangents about it when drunk...Though I met one guy last year and he told me he came over to talk to me because "I looked sad." Easy prey, I guess.
I totally understand where are you coming from, and this has REALLY been getting me down lately too (I often wonder if I am fretting about it too much). But, I am 26, single, most of my friends are dating seriously or are married...I am the perpetual Single Girl. I just feel like no one will ever want me, and it turns into a vicious cycle.
I have been trying to be more positive and not so hard on myself, but it's difficult to change such engrained thought patterns...Do you have any friends you can talk to about this? My friend offered to help me with all this because he was once where I am mentally, so I'd advise to find someone you could vent to. I think you should try and focus on bettering yourself and thought patterns, and hopefully someone will come and things will fall into place (trying to take my own advice here too, lol.)
Wish I could be of more help, but you can PM me if you'd like.
I know what you mean about hiding self-esteem problems. I'm an actor so I'm used to putting on a front and I often do what I can to show confidence. I think that maybe if I fake it long enough some real happiness and confidence will slip in on accident. That's why I'm a member of this site. It's the only time I don't have to act happy and can let it all out.
I don't have anyone I can talk to about this either. I used to but now they're all busy with their significant others. So, again, this site is my only outlet.
Your situation sounds quite similar to mine.
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
Hey, I just wanted to say that I can relate to you on so many points you mentioned, and you're definitely not the only person out there without a partner. I know how hard it is to not have a special someone when it seems like everyone else does, but for the time being, please try to remember that romantic love is not the only love there is. I know it's not the same thing, but I'm sure you're loved right now by your family and your friends, and they would be terribly upset if you were to end your life.
You don't deserve to be punished because you're single, and it doesn't mean you're a flawed person in any way. It just means you haven't met the right person yet, and not to sound rude, but based on your sister's age, I'd say that she's too young to have been engaged anyway. I know it's hard not to compare yourself to others in today's society, but what's right for someone else might not necessarily be right for you at the moment (and just because someone else is dating/engaged at the moment doesn't always mean they should be, I've seen examples).
I'm several years younger than you, but I've never even been on a date and guys don't seem to pay much attention to me. I know it must hurt to have experienced relationships that didn't work out, but if you can look on the bright side, you do have attractive qualities that women admire, and hopefully in the future they'll attract the right kind of woman for you.
I understand your pain, but please don't end things. If you do, you'll never get to know what might have been, and what wonderful women you may meet after 2012, although that's not to say you won't meet people in 2012 as well.
Hang in there, I'm thinking of you. <3
I've been single since October 30th, 2004. I was still a month away from my 17th birthday at the time. I will have already passed my 25th birthday by my deadline of January 1st, 2013. I'm not saying I have to meet my life partner. Hell, I'd even be content with a relationship that only lasts a couple months. I just need to break this God-awful streak. I said I wouldn't end things due to not wanting to hurt my family so you don't have to worry about that. God knows I'll probably want to though if I go the next 368 days single. If nothing else, that would motivate me.
I know there is love outside of romantic love. I already have that kind of love. Now, it's the romantic love that I need. I feel so incomplete without it!
You're right about my sister being too young which is why the engagement didn't work out. Still, she had an experience at age 20 that I won't get to have til at least I'm 27 (I figure even if I meet someone really special right now I won't be ready to propose for about 3 years). It just eats at me and makes me feel so inadequate.
Last edited by CaptainB2 : 29-12-2011 at 11:35 PM.
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
Your happiness does not depend on you meeting a partner. Happiness comes from within. I had this conversation with my key worker, because I was saying how I felt depressed being single, but she pointed out that when you are dating someone, you still get depressed and you still have happy times but everything is enhanced. Your problems don't disappear the moment you meet someone.
Once you are happy with your life, and yourself, that's when it's the time to look for someone to share that with.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
Your happiness does not depend on you meeting a partner. Happiness comes from within. I had this conversation with my key worker, because I was saying how I felt depressed being single, but she pointed out that when you are dating someone, you still get depressed and you still have happy times but everything is enhanced. Your problems don't disappear the moment you meet someone.
Once you are happy with your life, and yourself, that's when it's the time to look for someone to share that with.
I was wondering how long it was going to take before someone said something along those lines. I'm not saying a partner will automatically make my life better. I'm saying my singleness is the root of my problems and that having a partner will go a LOOOONG way towards getting my life in the right direction and that without a partner I'm too sad and lonely and I'm doomed to continue as such. Being in a relationship would change SOOO many things in my life for the better. It'll help root out all the other unpleasantness.
All I'm saying is that right now this is something that is VERY important to me and therefore something I want to fix.
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
I was wondering how long it was going to take before someone said something along those lines. I'm not saying a partner will automatically make my life better. I'm saying my singleness is the root of my problems and that having a partner will go a LOOOONG way towards getting my life in the right direction and that without a partner I'm too sad and lonely and I'm doomed to continue as such. Being in a relationship would change SOOO many things in my life for the better. It'll help root out all the other unpleasantness.
All I'm saying is that right now this is something that is VERY important to me and therefore something I want to fix.
For me, having a partner wouldn't automatically make me happy either; I know this from past experience. I think the notion of having someone there unconditionally...willing to stay by my side nomatter what....is more of what I want. It would make getting better just a little more bearable, I think....*shrug* I have no clue if that makes sense, but....Yeah.
For me, having a partner wouldn't automatically make me happy either; I know this from past experience. I think the notion of having someone there unconditionally...willing to stay by my side nomatter what....is more of what I want. It would make getting better just a little more bearable, I think....*shrug* I have no clue if that makes sense, but....Yeah.
Oh it makes total sense. Like I said, almost all my problems would ease up if I just had a partner. Some directly, others indirectly. Again, I know it won't solve them all but it would go a long way to help.
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
Um yes, I think you are bothered too much by being single. If you're considering killing yourself if you stay single, that's a problem. You have to be somewhat comfortable with being yourself before you can be a good partner in a relationship. It sounds like you're expecting a prospective girlfriend to save you from killing yourself. (You might not consciously think of it that way, but that's kind of how it comes across.) People don't want to sign up to be your savior.
I don't want to be harsh. I'm single too, and seeing my younger brother with his girlfriend was hard for me at Christmas. I don't know...it just seems like a bad idea to stake so much on one thing. I know I've done that before and gotten burned because of it. We have to make our own lives, not wait around for other people or keep saying "if only..." But obviously that's easier said than done :)
Um yes, I think you are bothered too much by being single. If you're considering killing yourself if you stay single, that's a problem. You have to be somewhat comfortable with being yourself before you can be a good partner in a relationship. It sounds like you're expecting a prospective girlfriend to save you from killing yourself. (You might not consciously think of it that way, but that's kind of how it comes across.) People don't want to sign up to be your savior.
I don't want to be harsh. I'm single too, and seeing my younger brother with his girlfriend was hard for me at Christmas. I don't know...it just seems like a bad idea to stake so much on one thing. I know I've done that before and gotten burned because of it. We have to make our own lives, not wait around for other people or keep saying "if only..." But obviously that's easier said than done :)
Um, you clearly missed the part where I said I've contemplated it but WOULD NEVER DO THAT due to not wanting to hurt my family.
I don't know, I'm starting to change my mind though and not just because of this but because of everything.
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
I don't really have any advice either. I'm 21 and I've never even been in a relationship. The holidays are always the hardest because while I'm an only child, I have a zillion cousins and ALL of them are in relationships (although I'm not sure any of those are good relationships). Seeing them with someone- it just hurts. I spend 9 months of the year at school on the other side of the country which just makes the loneliness worse. I know there have been and will be more nights where I just wish I had a hand to hold or someone to stand besides.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainB2
I just feel like I have so much to offer a girl but will never be given a chance.
This in particular resonates with me. I feel like I'm about to burst with all that I want to give to someone, but there is no one to give it to. Sometimes I'll torture myself by reading or watching shows with epic romances. That's no good, but it does help me in a weird way. I feel like by making it more painful for that bit of time, it's easier to push it to the back of my mind later. Anyway, I think what everyone has said is important. There is someone out there for you, and by Murphy's law, you'll find them when you are least expecting to, in the last place you thought. Just hang on til then :)
"Absoloodle!"
"He was a fierce hunter, but he was small and easily squished."
krazeevilturtle. That second paragraph I could've said almost verbatim. I know exactly what you mean.
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
Since splitting with my ex in july i've been feeling the same.
I miss all the things i had in a . It's been 7 months and i'm slowly coming to terms with being single (we'd have been together 4 years this february). It's not by any means easy and i've gotten hurt. There was a guy i met on a dating website and we really clicked, but since we...*ahem* took things further he's pretty much ignored me which hurt and has put me off internet dating.
4 years ago though i was single and didn't think i'd ever meet anyone, i vowed to stop looking, 2 days after that i met my ex. So whenever i feel down i think it *could* happen
Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up
At this point I'd rather get hurt by somebody than be alone as sad as that may sound.
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
