I'm just going to get right to it, it's been 9 months since me and boyface have had sex and stuff and I don't know what to do.
I've tried everything to initiate it and he just doesn't seem bothered. He promises me that it'll happen but it never does.
I thought yesterday seeing as how it was Valentines Day that I would be getting some but no, didn't happen.
I've tried talking to him about it and telling him how it makes me feel like he doesn't want me and how horrible it makes me feel but he just tells me that he does want me and how I'm so beautiful and everything.
I did ask him before why it never happens and he said it was because of medication he was on 2 years ago but he came off it ages ago so I would have thought it wouldn't have so much of an effect now.
I'm so tempted to go elsewhere right now because I know I won't be getting any off him soon. From having it so reguarly to nothing at all is a bit frustrating if I'm being honest and going this long is just really frustrating for me.
I'm not going to lie either, I've got so depressed about the fact that I'm probably going to be in a sexless marriage, whether that's reasonable or not I don't know and right now, I don't particularly care.
Lately I've been so tempted to go elsewhere and just sleep with someone else, whether it's a one off thing or not and I feel so terrible for it. I told him, hoping it would make him realise but he just said that if I did then he would kick me out basically which is fair enough, I'd do the same. I know it's wrong to feel like this and even think about it.
I just don't know what I'm supposed to do.
I don't even know what I want from this thread really, it would be good to have a bit of advice or something maybe, I don't know.
Sorry for the rant/ramble, any advice or something would be appreciated because I've done all I can think of and got nowhere.
9 Months?! How has he managed to avoid a proper explanation all that time?
Do you know when it stopped and if anything triggered it? The only thing you can really do here is chat it out with him, and if he thinks its medication to see a doctor about it. Its a bit odd, but may be just that - though there is help for that problem.
I hope yous work it out xxx
“The consequences of today are determined by the actions of the past. To change your future, alter your decisions today.”
you could see if he'd be willing to discuss it in couples counselling? i'm thinking of couples counselling myself for communication problems and the sites like relate offer sexual counselling too. if he's not willing to at least try that i don't know if you'd be better of packing your bags...
Lotti, I dunno. I guess cos he keeps promising that I'll be getting some or whatever and I'm stupid enough to believe it. To be honest, I think it stopped when we got back together while I was living in Wales. I've tried so many times to talk to him about it but he just doesn't seem to want to know. I think he thinks it's all just some big joke or something, I don't know.
StillVacant, I could try that I guess, it's one thing that I never though of. I'll have a look and see if there's anything around here because it's really starting to get me down now, I know it's such a silly thing to get upset about but it's starting to affect my confidence and stuff.
OverAndUnder, we've been together almost 5 years on and off. Got engaged nearly 2 years ago but most of that time we were living apart and I only got to see him every couple of months. Nine months is just getting ridiculous and it's not just me that agrees.
Also, I suppose I should add that like I said, pretty much all my friends agree that nine months is ridiculous and I've got a few encouraging me to just sleep with someone else, whether it's a full on affair or one night thing. I'm not gonna lie, I've never been more tempted to do anything in my life. I know it's really silly and in the grand scheme of things none of this should matter and I know it won't fix anything but right now, I just feel as if I don't and shouldn't care, as long as I get what I want. I know it's a really selfish way of thinking and stuff but I just can't help thinking that if I were to do it, it would make me feel better, even though it's probably going to be temporary.
I feel like just telling him that it's over unless something happens which seems a bit harsh really because deep down, I know I love him which sounds so hypocritical.
I'm thinking maybe a week apart from each other might help but it's just finding somewhere to go for that week. I'll have a think about all my options and then hope I've chosen the right one.
You said: "I just feel as if I don't and shouldn't care, as long as I get what I want. I know it's a really selfish way of thinking and stuff but I just can't help thinking that if I were to do it, it would make me feel better, even though it's probably going to be temporary.
I feel like just telling him that it's over unless something happens which seems a bit harsh really because deep down, I know I love him which sounds so hypocritical."
If you've got to the stage where you feel like giving ultimatums, then perhaps your desire to go out and get some is more like an attempt to sabotage the relationship so you can break up. Equally he may be looking for an out hence the avoidance. Perhaps both of you are just not working out and he's trying to force the issue by cutting off from you.
HOWEVER, important questions to ask yourself before breaking up/sleeping around (though I imagine one would create the other either way):
1. Have you actually got someone else in mind?
2. Has he considered talking to a doctor about his loss of sexual desire? - there could be an underlying medical problem. He could be at risk of heart disease or there could be a problem with any meds he is on now.
3. If you are asking your real-life friends for advice, that's quite a public declaration of unhappiness. Is HE aware just how unhappy you are? what makes you think he sees it as a joke?
4. If you did have a fling, are you expecting/hoping to maintain your current sexless relationship afterwards?
I'm going through this right now. Its frusterating and upseting as heck.
We haven't gone that long, more like a month or two. Makes you feel worthless and ugly and unwanted, I know. And then you feel like going to someone else, with me its not even really the sex its just feeling like I'm WANTED. Uhg. :/
With my husband he says he doesn't feel comfortable with his body, he's gained a good bit of weight over the last year or two and it affects him a lot mentally I think. But it still hurts when I try EVERYTHING I can to 'seduce' him or what not and he says not tonight. I actually spent the majority of last night crying because of it. If you want, PM me, would be nice to talk to someone going through this too. I really don't have too much advice for you, other then to not to assume its your fault or anything, it could legitly be him medically or mentally not being able to. Best of luck to you love!
