when will the curse end?....

fallen wings44 · 02-05-2014, 01:41 AM

i promised myself i wouldnt come back to RYL told myself i didnt derseve support or help but.. here i am again....

things have been stressfull lately.... last wedsday i found out that i have borderline personitly disorder... (both my mom and therpys knew but i didnt) and desite being on meds i drank 3 gulps of beer and want to try more drinks.. i feel like im cursed with mental illlness ( i allready paranoad, depressed and i hear voices in my head....) . and and on monday i read an magazine story that basically told me that most of my family going hell because they drink and my friend told me that story is true.... accoulding to the story my dead gramma and grandpa and other gramma are in hell....
and i think that god sent the bullys that were in school to bully me as a sign....... and that he hates me......
i hate my birthday its coming up and i just feel like shit... my SH is out of control.... im going to hell anyways so why not die.......
i just want this life to end.....

Patent Pending · 02-05-2014, 12:53 PM

Hi there,

Welcome back, I know you probably don't think it's a good thing being back but you DO deserve support and help. It's good you felt able to reach out here again.

First of all, alcohol is a depressant so while you're feeling so low please try to avoid it at all costs. It lowers you inhibitions and will make you more likely to act impulsively.

I don't really have much to say on the whole God/Hell thing because our views will differ greatly however, I'm sure God will know that a person isn't inherently bad just because they drank - there is a difference between that and being 'evil' or 'bad'.

Finding out your diagnosis can be tough, how do you feel about the diagnosis of BPD? Try to remember that your diagnosis doesn't define you - you're still your own person, it might just help to explain some of the decisions/reactions you make.

x x x

lozza · 03-05-2014, 04:55 AM

no words but thinking of you and hope you are ok

fallen wings44 · 03-05-2014, 05:03 AM

hi....
thanks.....
its kinda hard.... :\
i feel like no matter how hard i try ill never be able to have a good relesionship with anyone...... thats the first time someone said that to me...... i dont think i know how not to let it define me though..........

fallen wings44 · 03-05-2014, 05:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lozza

no words but thinking of you and hope you are ok

thank you!
*hugs you*

fallen wings44 · 03-05-2014, 05:31 AM

i hate my mind!!! its like the problems keep on coming!!! i can braely hadle the other things!!

lozza · 03-05-2014, 05:31 AM

a diagnosis is not who you are, it just helps you to know why you may react in certain situations and how you can better react in future. *hugs*

lozza · 03-05-2014, 05:32 AM

if it helps... I have BPD too

fallen wings44 · 03-05-2014, 05:56 AM

*hugs*

fallen wings44 · 04-05-2014, 11:14 PM

i feel like shit..... im tried of feeling like a recycleable oject i just wanna die

Patent Pending · 06-05-2014, 08:21 PM

Hey honey,

I can completely understand the feelings that BPD thoughts cause. Just know that it is possible to get through them and have good relationships with people. I still struggle from time to time but for the most part I can control them.

How are you doing now?

x x x

fallen wings44 · 07-05-2014, 04:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fallen wings44

I feel very very bad lately it when I SH is when I feel the most good..... Sorry........

Patent Pending · 07-05-2014, 03:59 PM

Hi there,

There's no need to apologise for saying how you feel.

Often people do feel better when they self-harm; that's how it becomes an addiction.

Do you want to talk more about why you feel so bad? What thoughts/emotions are you experiencing?

x x x

fallen wings44 · 08-05-2014, 01:49 AM

thanks....
ok.... ive thinking about all the friends that had left me and the stuff they lied about like "you are surrrund by people that love you" and stff like that..... when in truth no one loves me....if they did they wouldnt have left me.....

fallen wings44 · 09-05-2014, 10:35 PM

i feel like a lost cause........i thinking of deleteing the thread.......its not like i can be help....

Isoverity · 10-05-2014, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fallen wings44

i hate my mind!!! its like the problems keep on coming!!! i can braely hadle the other things!!

Your mind is fine. You're just dialed in wrong - like a radio set to the wrong station. Hating the problem, life, yourself etc is the glue that keeps you fixated to a morbid state. Resentment is a hypnotic emotions. If you resent the image to a spider in your mind you will think of more spiders. While you're thinking of more spiders you will be missing other thoughts and realisations that you need to grow from the bright side of your psyche. Your stuck in the dark side. You can't force yourself to be positive. You need to learn how not to be compulsively negative - then the positive will come back on its own. Don't get tangled up with labels like "borderline". Most of that is gibberish and is used as an excuse when "experts" don't know what to do

Patent Pending · 10-05-2014, 04:59 PM

Hi there,

You're not a lost cause, even if it feels like it right now.

It can be hard when your mind is dwelling on people who have hurt you - can you think of times when people have come through for you and helped? Focussing more on positives can give you inner strength.

x x x

fallen wings44 · 10-05-2014, 07:32 PM

but i dont derseve RYL support and help........ i just want to die and get over with....... i dont want to live anymore...... my friends now.. will leave me in the summer like most of my past friends did...... my family is stressed out because of me.... my dad says that i drive everyone crazy....... and my SH now isnt enough to make me feel like it used to.... now its making me feel less good....... i think i need different tools but i cant get any different tools because my family hides most of them from me........

fallen wings44 · 10-05-2014, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Isoverity

Your mind is fine. You're just dialed in wrong - like a radio set to the wrong station. Hating the problem, life, yourself etc is the glue that keeps you fixated to a morbid state. Resentment is a hypnotic emotions. If you resent the image to a spider in your mind you will think of more spiders. While you're thinking of more spiders you will be missing other thoughts and realisations that you need to grow from the bright side of your psyche. Your stuck in the dark side. You can't force yourself to be positive. You need to learn how not to be compulsively negative - then the positive will come back on its own. Don't get tangled up with labels like "borderline". Most of that is gibberish and is used as an excuse when "experts" don't know what to do

i dont know how to do that though.....

CloudysideofJune · 10-05-2014, 08:58 PM

Hi! You must be so distressed right now but I hope things get better for you. Learning that you have a mental illness can be really hard and sadly many people (including family) can be very insensitive to it. I don't know what religion you are but I know that we all have different views on things like drinking. I doubt it will land you in hell I think it is more complex than that. Anyway I hope you are ok or at least getting there :) xxx