Is this good?

[manic_felinemistress]

I'm bored. Not depressed bored, it's more like the bored I remember feeling as a 9 year old waiting for my mom in a Pottery Barn. I haven't been /just/ bored in so long. It's not constant, but if for instance on my day off, when I'm just chilling I'm like oh man so bored.

Is that a sign of recovery? Pretty much since puberty my bipolar started taking over my life. I'm used to being one extreme or the other. But these days I am just content. Or just bored. Or just mildly entertained. I can't even remember having nuance feelings like this in so long.

This is good right? I think.

[tiptoes]

I know that I can usually tell that my mood is evening out a bit when i start to get bored again.

It sounds like you have made good progress, content is good but it can be a little odd when you experience it for the first time!

Maybe it is time to experiment with things you can fill your new found free time!

[manic_felinemistress]

I applied for a part time job at a gym. Figured if I work a gym I'd have no excuse not to work out regularly because I'd get a membership.

[manic_felinemistress]

So I am currently the healthiest I've been since before puberty. I'm the fewest meds I can remember being on ever.

And I have these two new feelings I didn't even realize I've never experience or at least haven't in so long that they feel really alien.

Contentment and boredom.

It's making me really uncomfortable because it's just so different. I'm used to being morosely sad or just plain manic. The last time I remember being bored is when I was a single digit at a pottery barn with my mother. I never had the time or opportunity to be bored, if that makes sense.

It's uncomfortable and feels kinda selfish because I'm just bored. I tried playing piano but it's.... too calming? I used to play piano for hours because it was like meditation for me which I needed to exist.

My therapist is really happy for me about all this but I kinda don't know what to do now? I keep thinking something is gonna happen soon so I shouldn't get used to this.

[Pi.R^2]

I'm pleased to hear that you're doing so well! I think it's understandable for that to feel a bit unexpected and hard to sit with though. Maybe now is the time to look for new hobbies/interests? You're not the person you were when you used to play the piano for hours, so perhaps now playing in a different way (e.g. different styles of music) is what you need, or learning a completely different instrument or trying something completely different, like a sport or youth work.

Something may well happen (and you'll meet it and fight it if it does), but it also may well not, and you don't want to miss out because you're spending your time anticipating things not lasting!

Have you spoken to your therapist about feeling uncomfortable with things being so different?

[drooselynn]

I just feel like you. Thank you for your awnser.