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Old 01-12-2010, 12:33 AM   #1
Smurf95
 
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I'm new and I'm scared #2

Hey. I joined officially this morning but didn't have chance to post anything before school. Now I wish I had.

I turned 15 in june and I self harm, I've been doing so since I was 12. I have difficulties at home, with a certain family member. I don't talk about anything personal. There is only one other person who knows what I've been and am going through but I feel guilty to keep relying on her. The last thing she needs is me along with all my problems bugging her 24/7.

I don't have the relationship with my mum where I can talk to her about anything and I think that's why I struggle with telling anyone else. I keep everything to myself, if I don't say it I guess It's easier to pretend none of it ever happens. I've never felt in cotrol of my life and I blame myself for everything that's happened. Cutting makes me feel alive, like I finally belong. I gain control of everything for a while and it's a way of punishing myself for what I've done. It helps but I'm scared. I'm only 15 and I've gone from cutting about once every 6 months at the age of 12 to practically once every day now. What happens when this doesn't take away my pain anymore, when cutting isn't enough. I'm scared of the possabilities.

As I don't want to be a burden to my friend anymore, I thought I'd give here a go. I'm just scared, hurt and would appreciate any help/advice x

(some of you may see this in the intro forum....i just failed, thought I was in this forum when I wrote it, obv not. So I'm posting it again in the right place)

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Old 01-12-2010, 02:44 PM   #2
Butterfly1995
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Hi. I just want to say that you're not alone. I know how it feels like to be afraid of the day when cutting just won't work, and to cut because I need to punish myself, to be alive, to belong.
If you wanna talk, PM me. Hope everything gets better soon.
I'm 15 too btw :D



Message me anytime :)

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Old 01-12-2010, 05:55 PM   #3
Wonderful.
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Hey, Welcome to RYL, you really don't need to be scared, we don't bite. =]

It actally made me REALLY sad reading this, my sister is almost the same age as you, and it breaks my heart to know somebody that age is struggling so much. Although I can relate to you, I was a similar age when I started and stuff...

But anyway, you sound like you have a good friend there, but you are right, sometimes it is a bit much for just one person, who doesn't really know how to help you to take on that kind of supporting 'role'. I'm not saying don't talk to her... a friend like that is something that you definely need, but perhaps to take some strain off her and yourself you could seek professional help? Ask her if maybe she call call/take you to the doctors?
I know it sounds scary, but it might be the best thing you ever do, especially if you have a friend with you who can be like a helping hand? and it is rare they will contact anybody from home, and if you are worried about that you could always ask for the rules around confidentiality first...

BTW if it helps in anyway, I'm 19 now, and I started self harming when I was about 13, and it got easier for me and it can for you too, especially with more help than you have now!
You can do it, take care. =]




~Beauty without intellence, is a materpiece painted on a napkin.~
Thank you for everything


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Old 01-12-2010, 07:18 PM   #4
Crescendo
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Hey, I'm Bella, also 15 :)
I know exactly what you mean about you mom, i don't have a good relationship with mine either :/
Feel free to PM me anytime, you can bother me with any problems, i'll be happy to help :D

Take care :)xx



If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you can find out first hand what it's like to be me.

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Old 02-12-2010, 08:37 PM   #5
Smurf95
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wonderful. View Post
Hey, Welcome to RYL, you really don't need to be scared, we don't bite. =]

It actally made me REALLY sad reading this, my sister is almost the same age as you, and it breaks my heart to know somebody that age is struggling so much. Although I can relate to you, I was a similar age when I started and stuff...

But anyway, you sound like you have a good friend there, but you are right, sometimes it is a bit much for just one person, who doesn't really know how to help you to take on that kind of supporting 'role'. I'm not saying don't talk to her... a friend like that is something that you definely need, but perhaps to take some strain off her and yourself you could seek professional help? Ask her if maybe she call call/take you to the doctors?
I know it sounds scary, but it might be the best thing you ever do, especially if you have a friend with you who can be like a helping hand? and it is rare they will contact anybody from home, and if you are worried about that you could always ask for the rules around confidentiality first...

BTW if it helps in anyway, I'm 19 now, and I started self harming when I was about 13, and it got easier for me and it can for you too, especially with more help than you have now!
You can do it, take care. =]
Hey :) thanks for this.

My friend does sort of understand, she also self harns but for completely different reasons. We give eachother advice and support yet when it comes to ourselves we can't take it in, we don't listen to it. It's confusing but we both totally understand what we mean.

About the professional support, Wednesday wasn't exactly a good day for me. I ended up cutting in school and when it came to the slightest bit of pressure that a teacher had given me extra work I just broke down. It was infront of everyone and it wasn't great. She sent everyone away and I told her everything I just completely let go. She advised I spoke to my mum about it all. Finally I plucked up the courage after sch but it wasn't easy and I got the reaction I'd always feared. But she took me to the doctors and I've been referred to a psych :/ this is gonna be hell for a while, this is not the way I wanted/need things to have got out but I guess I'll have to deal with it.

Thanks though. Much appreciated :)

Catherine-Adele
Xx

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Old 04-12-2010, 05:17 AM   #6
NoWarButTheClassWar
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Hi there!

I'm new too, and pretty scared as well, to be honest. I know that probably doesn't help a lot, but just know that you're not alone!

-Krim



"You cannot take what you have not given, and you must give yourself." -Shevek, The Dispossessed(Ursula K. LeGuin)

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