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Abusive person seen as helpless?
As I've posted in my other threads, I recently separated from my husband after long existing verbal and emotional abuse further escalated. But I was wondering if anyone has been in this situation where the person who has abused you is seen as a helpless kind of person, one who would never be believed to abuse and have power over you. Like if I tell someone on here what goes on, everyone identifies it as abuse. But people that know him always make excuses for him or don't believe it at all. Because he comes across as so non threatening. And it makes me think I'm crazy.
I get the attitude of "why would you take him seriously" if they do believe it at all, totally not getting why I'd ever be afraid or upset by him. I don't get it. At the very least no one ever suspects anything is wrong. Even my parents seem to see it as just a rough patch, something that he just needs to work through. I don't get any of the reactions people would normally give to hearing about abuse like name calling, threats, screaming, etc. And in some cases these people know he used to be pretty much a pathological liar. I can't tell if I'm not explaining it well enough or I'm crazy. I feel like if it's as bad as I think it is, people would at least seem worried for me, even if they respected the idea of trying to work it out. But I don't feel like anyone is even remotely worried about my mental or physical safety. It's more of a feeling that they get it's unpleasant or annoying, not that I literally lost myself in this relationship, that I have horrible memories, and feared for my safety. And it's not that I need people worrying about me; it's just the lack of concern I feel even from my parents makes me think I'm either overblowing it or not explaining it to them well. And this only seems to happen with people who know him.
Am I crazy? Am I expecting responses that aren't actually normal? Has anyone else had this where despite very clear cut abuse, people make excuses for someone who comes across as helpless? I think this is one of the reasons I put up with it for so long; no one seemed to get that he could have an effect on me or be like that even if I told them. The lack of concern for my mental and physical safety made me think I was crazy in being afraid and hurt by it. I know I shouldn't care what others think, but when no one seems to get it, it starts to feel like I'm overreacting.
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