Contains sexual abuse - Can't accept it happened.

Winchester Angel · 11-09-2010, 11:01 AM

I've been off work for ages now, I've had an emotional breakdown and have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression because for the past 16 years since the abuse started I've never even accepted it happened. I can't say the words that it all happened either. I've started in therapy and I want to talk about it but I can't and I can't help but think I'v made a big deal out of nothing. Talking about it and actually dealing with it is terrifying to me. I'm scared that I'll never move on from this. I just want to be able to cope with it all and I know to do that I need to talk about it before the damage this does is irreparable. I find it hard to think so many people could hurt me, it must mean it's my fault that I did something to make them hurt me.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : sexual abuse part

I thought i had accepted it but to learn that in actual fact i havent has left me pretty much going through everything like it just happened and i don't know how to even start accepting this.

Sorry this is long.

shadow-light · 11-09-2010, 11:08 AM

Do you think you'd be able to write down about it? SOmetimes that's easier than speaking. Talking about it in the 3rd person, like telling a story, is smetimes easier too - I guess it adds some distance between you and it

Winchester Angel · 11-09-2010, 11:13 AM

i hadn't thought about the 3rd person thing. I did try writing it all down but it felt like I was writing about someone else. The main thing that scares me about it is the fact that I have to accept it happened to me and I'm scared of things I'll remember that I have managed to forget about.

Bronze Moth · 11-09-2010, 02:53 PM

just wanted to say i know how it feels to feel like youre making a big deal out of nothing and how difficult it can be to talk about.

*hugs if you want*

writing it in third person could help you feel it wasnt your fault, i know it helps me with that.

comaxXxwhite · 11-09-2010, 03:48 PM

There is NO WAY something like this could be your fault...no one has a right to do horrible things like this to you. Maybe try journaling? I find that I can write about things that I can't really talk to anyone about. Hope you feel better soon. PM me if you need to talk <3

Winchester Angel · 11-09-2010, 09:36 PM

Thanks for your replies, I already do journal, it's just detached ramblings really. I find it helps to write things down but its never really helped me deal with or find anything easier.