If you ever asked me what I've always wanted most out of life, a social circle and a significant other (i.e. girlfriend) have always been at the very top of the list. After 26 years of life, though, I've come to realize that I'm incapable of having these things, these things that I've wanted more than anything in life.
The problem is, over time, the desire for these things has gotten so strong and overwhelming, that I'm at a point now where every single second of my life, I feel completely miserable because I'm incapable of having those things. No matter what hobbies or activities I try to distract myself with, I just feel miserable 24/7.
Ergo, I want to rid myself of these desires completely. I want to be able to say "I don't want friends, I don't want a significant other", and mean it. I don't want even the tiniest inkling of desire for these things. I want to no longer feel any kind of sexual urges or arousal, as well. I want it all gone, for good.
And please, can we skip the "Humans are social creatures by instinct" and "Anything can happen, never say never" discussions? I can say I believe with 100% certainty that I will never have these things in my life. There is no question about that. It's not up for debate.
I have no desire for love, relationships and sex. I have two friends who live over 50 miles away from me and I don't care. I don't know how to advise as I didn't make myself like this, I am like this. I just need my textbooks and my support workers. I have zero interest in love and relationships. I've never had sex before and nor do I want to.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I suspect that if you already have a desire to have friendships and relationships then you cannot completely get rid of them. It would make for a very lonely, unhappy life trying.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
I'm incapable of having those things because, well, I dislike people, in general. As contradictory as it sounds, I really don't like people at all, but I want to have friends and romance. I've never been able to connect with people, because I just never have any interest in them, specifically, I never feel anything for them at all.
I've tried examining and changing the way I think, to no avail. I've tried forcing myself to try to like and connect with people, to no avail. In a weird sort of way, I hate the thing that I actually want the most. That puts me in what is basically an impossible situation.
weird. i like peoples comradery if their genuine, not many people like me. I get the i can't stand people... Ive been back-stabbed a lot. You wouldnt be here if it wasnt for people however. Maybe just take a trip to las vegas pay up some american dollars and bag you a pornstar get that dust outta ur pants and see how you feel.
I dont like people for different reasons. ive given em shots. lol.
I'm kind of already where you want to be. Any interest I've ever had in love and partnership, even friendship really, has just completely disappeared. I'm not sure exactly why, maybe just a lifetime of being let down, but i'm sure I'm not the only one. To be honest I keep wondering now if it's normal to be this way, if im normal. I don't know and I can't really telL you how to feel the same. Why don't you like people, or could that be a defence thing possibly? As in, i wont like them first before they dont like me? How old are you, you probably shouldn't give up on it just yet. Though I understand because I know with complete certainty that no one will ever like never mind love me. I've come to accept it and have it not bother me (too much) when it does i try to just keep busy with reading or dvds etc so I can't think about it, or I'd probably go nuts. I hope you'll be ok somehow, if I can be of any more help on any way just let me know.
I feel your pain. I'm a few years younger than you but I know damn well when I hit 26, its' gonna be 7 painful lonely ass years. Hell, the whole friggin reason I started SH was to fill the void that knowing I don't matter and I can't be loved has left me with. It really worked but then I met someone, it hurt her that I cut, I didn't want to talk about it because I wanted her to see who I am inside, not what I have on my arm so instead she assumed... and assumed, and I lost her. The sad part... I stopped cutting for her, but it was too late. Biggest regret of my life.
IDK how to advise you because you said no matter what you do, the feelings don't go away, and it's true. It's so ****ing true. However, perhaps you shouldn't find a hobby that you are distracted with. You should instead focus on a hobby that you are genuinely interested in. For me, that "hobby" was cars. I'm actually restoring a classic American car right now and I have a Camaro that I race at the local track whenever I can (aka whenever it's racing season). It's not crazy modified but I keep up and that's what matters. Win or Lose, its' something that genuinely makes me happy. The adrenaline of trying to beat the other person (and beating them or getting beat lol), the wait for the green light, it's a rush. Not to mention the sounds. It's a great subculture to get into, and it's easy to socialize there as well. Everyone has a great topic to discuss (their car internals) so it's not like going to the bar or the club where convos dry up quick.
I seriously feel if you want to ignore your feelings of emptiness, the best way is finding something where you feel nothing else matters. For me it's cars, for others it's knitting or a book club. You just gotta find what makes you sincerely happy. I know with depression is hard, but it's very plausible.
