Beyond repair.

[Stellata]

Well done. I hope it's helpful. Do you get on OK with your doctor?

[chinahorse]

Thanks. Don't think it'll be any use really. Just going so that the cmht don't freak put when I tell them.

Really low tonight. Tired of fighting.

[one_step_closer]

I'm glad you went to the appointment, how did you get on?

[tamobhuuta]

Hope the appointment went ok x

[chinahorse]

The dr was nice. I like her.

Unfortunately the same isn't true for my care coordinator. She basically blamed everything on me when she called at lunch and insinuated I won't get therapy if I'm continually in crisis even though there's no one to give me therapy anyway.

[one_step_closer]

That's pretty judgemental and horrible of your CC, totally uncalled for. I'm glad the doctor was nice, did she offer anything useful?

[chinahorse]

The dr rang me with my test results just. And I'm booked back in to have more tests next week. There are a couple of physical treatment options if I want them.

[one_step_closer]

How are you feeling about that?

[chinahorse]

I'll have the tests. The gp is aware I won't get treatment right now.

[Stellata]

So sorry that your CC was so judgemental. Glad the dr was helpful though.
How are you feeling?

[chinahorse]

I don't know what to do. I don't kow what I want.

[Auror.]

I think being unsure is okay. Do you know what you DON'T want? Sometimes that's as good a place to start as any.

[chinahorse]

Don't want to die. Just not live. Don't want another blood transfusion but my head is saying that I've failed unless j gt one. And an iron infusion would mean I could potentially keep doing it longer. I really don't want to be forced to do anything or to collapse at work.

[one_step_closer]

If you don't want to be forced to do anything or collapse at work then maybe it's best that you choose to have treatment while you can, as much as that might not seem like an actual choice. Please try not to listen to the part of your mind that is encouraging you to do more damage or calling you a failure if you don't, that isn't a kind part and it isn't right. I know it's really hard though but please keep fighting.

[chinahorse]

Im at work but I have called the gp and she is going to arrange for me to get treatment and call me back shortly.

[chinahorse]

I'm going to hospital for treatment now.

[tamobhuuta]

Hope it's going ok, well done for talking to your GP.

[one_step_closer]

Huge well done. You deserve to feel better.

[Auror.]

I'm really proud of you. I hope it is not awful at hospital.

I know it's hard, and as one step closer said, there are choices you can make here to still be in control of the situation, even if they're not ones you like, and it doesn't feel like much of a choice. Sometimes inaction is a passive choice as well, so I'm glad you chose to do something. Getting medical treatment will show that you do have the ability to make decisions to care for yourself, and show willingness to work with treatment providers. That should make them less likely to force you into any type of treatment or help later on.

Thinking of you.

[nonperson]

Also just want to say well done for getting treatment. Hope you're getting on ok.