Meh

[The Worst Witch]

Things are difficult. In some ways, I'm doing a lot better than I ever have, but in others things are still hard. I'll try and elaborate a bit.

I've been seeing a counsellor from Cruse about my mum dying. It is helping, and I only have 2 sessions left (both of which are happening after Christmas). We sometimes talk about my mum, but sometimes it is kind of like 'general' therapy in the sense that we talk about other things too. This is okay, I'm just struggling with the idea that I won't have someone 'professional' to talk to soon.

My relationships with certain people are going down the tubes because I can't control my anger. I've been told the way I behave when I'm angry or in a bad mood is akin to living with a monster all the time, and I'm not sure how to change it. I don't even know why I'm angry, as this is something I've always felt. I did try and talk to someone about it the other night, it helped a bit but I'm still no clearer on how to 'fix' things.

College is a bit stressful. I have 5 assessments due before the end of semester 2 (the end of January), 2 of these have to be done by Friday. I'm struggling to start the second one, I'm not sure what she is expecting of us. I have emailed my tutor and told her this, but she was very vague and since then, I haven't been able to get hold of her because she's always out of her office. I'm doubtful I'll get hold of her before Friday now, I'll just have to do my best.

I'm just tired I think. So ready for the holidays, although I can't take the full 2 weeks off as I'll be working on the other 3 assignments it'll be nice to spend some time with my family and my cats.

I'm not entirely sure what I want from this thread, a hug would be nice. Also, if anyone has any advice on managing your time effectively, then please let me know.

[Soft Kitty]

*Sending hugs*. Have you noticed any patterns around your anger? I don't mean to minimise anything you're experiencing and there could be many reasons you're feeling the way you do, but I found that my explosive anger happened during various times of the month (not just during my period). If there's a hormonal element, it can be managed. I thought I'd just mention that on the offchance, it might be worth keeping a mood diary?

In terms of managing time effectively, I can't say I'm very good at that but perhaps a change of setting for assignments might help you separate work space from relaxation space. If setting aside time in a favourite coffee shop or the library doesn't feel like a reasonable option, having a specific work space at home or wherever you're staying during the holidays might help. Maybe identifying times you feel better, for example if your mood is better in the morning, allocating some study time for, say, two mornings a week might help you make some headway that feels manageable.

Do you have any contact with other students? Maybe a study forum might help you all. When I was at college we created a WhatsApp group to give each other a bit of moral support without too much pressure.

Regarding the counselling - endings can feel very unsettling, I can definitely relate to that. Maybe it's worth making a contingency plan in the time you have left with your counsellor? It can be very reassuring to know where to turn is you need more help and support.

Finishing by sending *more hugs*.