Please someone give me a reason not to cut

[Pi.R^2]

*hugs*
I'm sorry you're freaking out about uni so much. I do know how you feel, because I think in some ways I left school in a very similar position. You're right, I think some people do deal with starting university quite well, and it's not a big deal, but there will be other people who are as worried as you. I remember the first time I started uni, I spoke to someone who as far as I am aware doesn't have mental health problems, and on the outside seemed to be just another fresher, but she told me about how scared she had been at freshers week. The point of that pointless story was that you will be able to find other people who are scared, like you, and I found that comforting.

Even though it feels like you're leaving all your friends and your mum behind, it doesn't mean they can't still support you. You could talk to them on the phone or on skype, and hopefully it will be helpfully to have them to talk through the ups and downs of freshers' week with.

How is the search for private accommodation going?

[pixiedust_11]

Hey, sorry I have gotten into the habit of leaving this thread then coming back a while later when things get really crap again. :( Uni accommodation has successfully been found. We have a house, and as I think you might already know, I know 2 of my housemates already, which can be seen as a bonus. But everyone is telling me how I'm going to come out of this hating them, and I just can really see it happening. Sorry I can already tell none of this is going to make sense. I am so not with it. Everything's just getting on top of me recently :( I'm terrified of leaving this house, because I know I won't be comfortable. One of the girls I'm living with *will* kick up a fuss about seemingly insignificant things, which actually mean a lot to me, such as not wanting to go out on odd occasions or even if I have to wear a long sleeved top. She'll just be really unsublte about everything, and she might see a cut or scar and tell people :'( And ergh, just. I'm panicking and worrying and it's really, really depressing me. I went so well, I went 3 weeks without cutting, and then I relapsed and now I'm back in the cycle again. Everything's just falling apart with the negative thinking. I'm so convinced it'll never end. I'm getting so scared of myself. If I don't cut, I need control. So I engage in other really negative and self-destructive behaviours that I hate to admit, I have really gotten myself into a pattern with now. My mum is driving me crazy. She's making me pack everything away, which I know I have to do as I'm moving it all out in 7 days, but it's just the pressure and stress of her shouting that I can't handle :( I won't be able to deal with uni, because I'm the worlds worst procrastinator. I actually put things off because it's the only way to deal with all the crap. Sorry, I sound really pathetic :( But, just essays and stuff, I will make my mind forget about them, because to me it'll indicate stress and worry and therefore urges to cut and do other stuff and just. I don't even know why I'm going. Why did I make such a huge deal about wanting to go when really it might just be the death of me? It might just be the thing that tips me over the edge. I have to leave my counseller in 2 sessions time and there might not even be anything for me at the university. she said she'll ring up and find out, but what if i'm left to put it into place? I can't do that. I just, I can't do that. The thought terrifies me :(

Sorry, this is all just one really depressive rant, but I guess I just really need some support and hugs maybe right now I'm so sorry for being a huge let down.

[Pi.R^2]

*hugs*
Sorry you're so stressed about going to uni! It really can't be as bad as you're imagining!

What makes you so sure that this girl is going to kick up a fuss about things?

As for counselling, there's bound to be some available at uni, although you may need to take the first steps yourself. But there's always people here who could poke you towards it, if you're feeling scared!

I think part of student life is procrastinating and learning to cope with it, so try not to worry! See how things go initially, and if you're not getting stuff done, then that is the time to start getting frustrated! And there's loads you can do about it, like timetables, rewards etc.

You're not a let down, not at all!