Yesterday, I was in Jewelry class and I was cleaning up to leave class and this girl came up behind me and grabbed onto my shoulders and said, "Scared you, didn't I? What? Huh?" And she was lunging at me when I was walking away. I didn't look at her, but I'm sure it's one of the girls who say mean comments to me. I was scared of her, not cause she came up behind me. I knew she was there, but she touched me... When I HATE people doing that... When I FEAR people doing that... Because in freshman year, one of my ex-boyfriends touched me when I didn't want him to... We were on a date at Downtown Disney and we were somewhere not a lot of people were... And then he just started touching me and doing things to me... I was terrified to say stop cause I thought he'd get depressed and wanna kill himself... He was very unstable... Now, I'm just terrified of people touching me when I don't want them to or I don't know them... That's why I get mad at teachers when they wake me up... That's why I almost had a panic attack Wednesday... Two instances after ninth period scared me... I know it was probably by accident, but two boys and two different times within seconds of each other touched my chest... It was probably accidental, but I was terrified even so... I just hate this...
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
I can completely relate to this and it's hard to deal with something that you're not expecting. Learning to deal with being touched accidently, after it happens is possible though... You need to reassure yourself that you're safe. Try taking a few deep breathes and taking note of your surroundings. Accepting that you are not going to be hurt, and stopping yourself from panicking. It's easier said than done, and it will take practise but i suppose it's like everything else. The more you do it, the sooner it will be second nature and being touched accidently wont be as scary...
Maybe with the people you know at least you could just explain you're not comfortable with being touched so if they could avoid it.
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears...
The people I know, I'm fine with them touching me. My friends anyway and family that I like. But teachers and certain people I know, I just don't like them touching me, but I'd be labeled as rude if I said something...
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
It can be hard when we have been hurt in the past to deal with people touching us. It is important to remind yourself that you are safe and that no one is going to hurt you anymore. Also focusing on your current surroundings can help remind you that you are safe. You are not alone in finding it hard though.
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
Last edited by LizzieRose : 30-11-2012 at 05:54 AM.
Reason: typo
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
Reading the words "Scared you, didn't I?" sounded pretty scary to me. I very much relate why they can be instantly triggering but whilst being touched unexpectedly reminds you of unpleasant times, there really is hope that you can change this. I believe very much that high.hopes advice is good & if you are able to practice the new behaviour described then the next time, you would be more prepared. Each time you react more positively, the better it gets. It can be up & down but improvement is possible.
It may sound a bit daft but actually practicing the new behaviour by imagining your head that you are doing it can be helpful. You can replay the original trigger situation in your mind but apply the new behaviour. I used to think that "imagery" (as they call it) sounds a bit silly but now I use it to help me cope with things. It can be very helpful. One good thing is you can go back & change a situation that's already happened. I know that doesnt re-write history but it does help prepare you.
At the moment you may feel it's not possible to change but by gradually conditioning yourself to another way of thinking, new behaviours can become "second nature". Instead of triggering a fear reaction, you will be able to cope in a more self-assured and confident manner. As you become more confident in yourself this actually help you to appear more confident to others and that can have a very positive knock-on effect. I am talking of my own experience here - believe me I used to be subjected regularly to full-on bullying - at home, school and later in the workplace. Through changes I made (including demonstrating confidence outwardly) I am no longer bullied. It can also be this way for you.
Regarding physical contact - this is another area in which I have personal experience. I used to feel very uncomfortable with being touched at all, by anyone. I can remember a very trusted colleague of mine who I admired, going to put his hand on my hand. Even though it was clear to me that he was demonstrating genuine trust & affection and was behaving in an appropriate manner, it freaked me. I withdrew my hand so fast, his never got near it. He was a lovely person, like a second father to me but as you can see from my reaction, i was scared about being touched. But this is something I have worked hard on. Even after I moved onto another job & this trusted colleague retired we stayed in touch. After time passed I was able to let him hug me if we met up. I learned to really appreciate the contact and I am so glad I did the work involved to get me that far. He was a lovely person and by learning to accept affection, I was able to benefit from his warmth.
So I'm hopeful that by developing skills that provide you with reassurance that you're safe, you can effect change in your reactions. So remember the advice above .... try taking a few deep breathes and taking note of your surroundings. Accepting that you are not going to be hurt, and stopping yourself from panicking. Also, stay in touch here because people have so much to give & share on this site it is a very healing place.....
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
