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Old 04-07-2019, 07:40 PM   #561
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Because other people do think it makes a difference

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Old 05-07-2019, 09:55 AM   #562
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As you trust your psychologist why not bring it up today when you see her, see what her opinion is too?







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Old 05-07-2019, 02:24 PM   #563
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I saw her but there were a lot of silences where I didn't say anything as I wasn't in the mood. Which is a shame because her time is obviously precious. I tried to tell her I wasn't ill and that I don't need meds and she said I don't look okay and that I need a bit of help. It was a bit of a pointless session really which is frustrating.

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Old 05-07-2019, 03:09 PM   #564
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Ultimately you need to think about long term well being. Refusing meds and lying could possibly get you out of hospital quicker but it's not going to allow you to feel better and continue to get better. Working with the nurses and the psychologist is a much better idea. You weren't happy with being in the community either, so please try and let people support you to get to a place where you will be safer and happier at home.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 05-07-2019, 03:11 PM   #565
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But I'm fine. I don't need any of this. And I tried my best with the psychologist but today just isn't a good day for me. I just need to go home.

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Old 05-07-2019, 03:15 PM   #566
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If today isn't a good day for you then it's also not a day where you should be at home. What does home offer that hospital doesn't?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 05-07-2019, 04:15 PM   #567
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Just being able to do what I want and be with my cat

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Old 05-07-2019, 06:36 PM   #568
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That could be a goal to work towards. If you work with the staff and try what they suggest hopefully you won't need additional time in hospital.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 05-07-2019, 06:55 PM   #569
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But my nurse came in and was like "what can we do as a nursing team to help you" and I was like "I don't know."

They don't even know how to help me.

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Old 05-07-2019, 07:18 PM   #570
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Is that something you could maybe discuss with the psychologist, since you seem to get on ok with her? I guess short term it could be about finding ways to manage how you're feeling to allow you to get home. The longer term might be hard for you to think about right now but you could try. It's also ok to ask what things they might be able to do for you, rather than have to come up with things off the top of your head.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 05-07-2019, 09:12 PM   #571
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I don't know if I'll see her again since I am waiting for a treatment bed in another hospital and cause I feel like giving up on psychology anyway

Yeah they don't understand.

And I'm back on level 2s. Another punishment.

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Old 05-07-2019, 10:58 PM   #572
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Why do you think it’s a punishment? Was there an incident? What could be another way of looking at it?





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Old 05-07-2019, 11:16 PM   #573
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It's because I'm not taking my meds apparently and my mood is apparently low and it was discussed in the multidisciplinary team meeting this morning that I should be put on level 2s it's so unfair

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Old 05-07-2019, 11:32 PM   #574
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So it sounds like some of what has caused this is under your control. If you were to take your meds, and perhaps were to reach out for support when feeling rough, they might be willing to discuss taking you off of level 2s. It seems like it might be worth considering how your choices seem to lead to outcomes that make you unhappy or distressed, and evaluating whether those choices are worth making when you know you aren't a fan of the outcomes (eg losing access to your room, being on level 2s, etc). I'd really recommend considering working backwards from each of these events (eg being put on level 2s, or losing access to your room, etc), and going through your choices to see what has potentially contributed to these choices by your team. When you can address your own choices and behavior, they are less likely to have to take those choices out of your hands. I know that's difficult, but they are in a position right now where they have to do what is best for you. If you're already doing what is needed, they are far less likely to take further autonomy from you.

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Old 05-07-2019, 11:44 PM   #575
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I'm doing all I can to get by in here. Yes I mess up sometimes but that's cause I'm stuck in here. I've tried being honest and it gets me nowhere and I believe I have good reasons not to take the meds.

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Old 06-07-2019, 12:14 AM   #576
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With respect, if you shut down and refuse to engage in treatment and refuse to talk to them, they're not going to be able to understand how to help you. That's likely why they've had to resort to asking you how they can help and putting you on higher levels of observation. Generally, refusing to talk about what is going on isn't seen as a sign of wellness by doctors. It's seen as a lack of cooperation, a lack of insight, and thus signs of illness. Which will then keep you there longer. If your only reasoning for wanting to leave hospital is to be left alone to kill yourself, it sounds like they have a good picture of your well being (i.e. you are not doing well) and that you need help staying safe, which is likely why they are making decisions to keep you safe.

If you show them that you are engaging by talking about what is going on with you, reaching out if you are feeling unsafe, and that you are taking steps to understand how your choices influence what happens, you are much more likely to be allowed to leave.

If you believe that you have good reasons for not engaging in treatment or taking meds, then you need to explain that to them and try to ask for alternatives so that you can work together.

eta: This isn't to say that you aren't trying and also struggling. Those things can also be true. Trying, struggling, and not engaging aren't things that are exclusive. They can coexist at the same time. One of the hardest things to sometimes hear (I know it was for me) can be to acknowledge that you are trying, but you can also need to be trying to do more things. That's not said to invalidate the work you are doing but to imply that you are capable of more and have the strength to do more.

People who are mentally stable don't want let out of hospital to be allowed to kill themselves.
People who are mentally stable don't want to lie to the doctors treating them.
People who are mentally stable are able to acknowledge when things are not good and they are in need of help.
People who are mentally stable are able to have insight into their illnesses.
People who are mentally stable are able to acknowledge they have responsibility for their actions and choices.
People who are mentally stable understand the concept of cause and effect, and can apply it to themselves.

Does any of that help at all? None of those sound like things are you currently able to do. At least not from what you've said to us on here. For me sometimes when I'm struggling understanding that what I am doing/feeling is not actually normal and healthy can sometimes help put things into perspective.

You have hundreds of pages combined both on here and on TGL of people trying to support you. You have treatment providers who have listened to your repeated pleas for more help by providing you with more help and are working to keep you safe. Work with them and talk to them.

I really hope that now that you're getting the help you asked for you can make use of it.


Last edited by Auror. : 06-07-2019 at 03:15 AM. Reason: added


You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 06-07-2019, 05:29 AM   #577
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I'm sorry for all my "hundreds of pages" on here I'll just shut up

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Old 06-07-2019, 01:40 PM   #578
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I don't think anyone wants you to shut up. We continue to respond to you if you need us. I understand your frustrations and feeling like you don't want X but you also don't want Y, I guess you need to try and talk things through with the people involved in your treatment as much as possible.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 06-07-2019, 05:40 PM   #579
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All I wanted was some support and now it feels like I'm not welcome here. If I'm annoying everyone then I'll stop posting. I've really appreciated the support on here especially during such a difficult time but if people don't want me to post here anymore then I won't.

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Old 06-07-2019, 06:21 PM   #580
one_step_closer
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You are welcome here, everyone is welcome to post for support when they need it.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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