There is nothing stupid about your post at all! Well done on four years free, that's a brilliant achievement :). I've been free for a similar amount of time and I hugely agree that a good reason to resist the urges is that one slip could very easily run into a bigger relapse.
Even though it's still really hard sometimes, I do think it's got easier over time, especially when I've worked through some of my issues and got onto the right medication. Have you had any professional help to work through the issues that cause you to have self harm urges?