New and need help with relapsing
Hi! I've never posted on this before and only discovered it because I was looking for help and stumbled across this so thought just making a post would make the most sense.
Some back story *trigger warning* I think?
I've been self harming regularly since the age of about 13/14 (I'm 24 now) and it has been something I have tried many times to deal with. I have tried meds but theymade me worse and tried lots of other things lime mindfulness. That worked the best. I was in a relationship for 3 years and for the last 2 years I didn't self harm. I felt I had done it myself, however, I have realised that t was only because he had threatened me with leaving me if I did it, so I wouldn't do it. He was really aggressive and I think I kind of manifested it in other ways, such as hair pulling and banging my head against a wall.
Now we have split up and I have regressed. I'm self harming again but worse than before and I don't know what to do. I have a lovely new boyfriend of 8 months qho was also my best friend for years before and he knows all about everything the whole time and has been super supportive but I know it hurts him whenever I come round and there are more cuts. I dont know what to do because I really want to stop.
I had to go on holiday with mu family and then another with friends and it is so humiliating for them to be seen by everyone and stared at. I feel ridiculous because I feel too old for this as everyone I know did this when they were young and have out grown it. Everyone also always sees me as the happy positive person so I struggle with coming to people with my problems bc I feel they are too dark.
I don't really know what help I'm looking for but some support. I'm in a really bad place at the moment and need help with stopping what I'm doing to stop hurting my boyfriend and family when I do.