Boyfriend problems i guess you could say (half rant, but mainly wanting advice/opinions)
I think this will be quite a long story
My boyfriend is Mark, and yeah..
He had a week holidays last week
On Sunday last week, he said he was free to do something with me on Thursday if i wanted to and i said yes i wanted too.
And then he said we will work it out on thursday.
On tuesday i was talking to him on MSN and i was trying to suggest what we could do, and he didn't seem interested in any of it and he said
"i dont really want to do anything"
i said; "with me?"
"anything at all"
and i got upset over that, because i don't see him very often and this was his holidays and i'm on holidays as well, and i thought he was trying to avoid seeing me.
Then i messaged him a while later, no reply all night, i messaged him again a few hours later, no reply so i called him and it rang out, and 2 or so hours later i called him again and still no answer.
I called him a few times in the morning before his brother answered and said he was getting a tattoo and couldn't talk (i knew he was getting one just wasn't sure of the time) and i asked if he could call me when it was finished and he said he would and hung up..
and then, i was wondering why the hell hadn't he answered any of my previous calls or messaged me back, because he wouldn't have been getting a tattoo before the first call..
Well, later that day, i messaged him AGAIN to ask him to call me, and he didn't, so a few hours after, i called him again.
Then, later that night (after i saw Harry Potter) i think i messaged him but i called him a few more times,
didn't answer or reply.
Thursday, i was beside myself. I thought he was ignoring me or somehting, and i called him a few more times and messaged him and left him one voice message and my voice was shaky because i had been crying..
uh, then finally i got so pissed off so i just called his home phone (I'm scared of the phone. Well, i get too scared to ring people that's why i didnt ring his home to begin with)
and i was crying, and he knew it, and we spoke and i asked if he was ignoring me and stuff and he said he wasn't, his brother never gave him his phone back from wednesday, and i told him i had tried calling him alot, and he was asking how many times, and i said maybe 30, and then he started saying that's alot of times and 'isn't that a bit obsessive' and i said don't judge me/dont hate me (duh he wouldn't) and he said 'i'll just have to see when i get my phone back'
and he said he may get it back that night or not..
THEN, i spoke to him on MSN later that night and he didn't get it back, and i said 'i love you' and he said 'you're only saying that because you know you called me alot' and i said 'i really do' and he said 'i love you too'
and then on friday i called him again to see if he wanted to do something but he said he was busy and he didnt have it back yet,
i spoke to him on MSN again and he said we could do something tomorrow (saturday) and he was definatley getting his phone back in the morning..
Saturday (here is mainly where i'm mainly upset)
i woke up and messaged him around 2 asking if we were still doing something,
and a few hours later he replied; "hey i just got my phone back, 42 missed calls and 3 were from my dad..."
and then "yeah that really is alot of times"
and said he couldn't do anything that night,
He came on MSN last night, i spoke to him and he was fine i suppose,
and then he said 'brb' and i said ok..
well, after about 15 minutes i said 'are you back yet!?'
and.. i always talk to people, even when they say brb..
and he got back and said; "i'm going to add that to the number of calls on my phone"
and then started saying "why do you need my constant attention all the time" and i said i didn't, and he said "well it seems like it"
then i was saying i was sorry for the missed calls, i didnt mean to call him that many times,
him "i dont understand how you didnt mean to call that many times, nobody made you call me"
and i was ****ing upset at that,
and he said he was 'Annoyed' with me.
Now, i guess that was being a bit over the top with the messages and calls, but we ALWAYs text eachother through the day, and he didnt seem to be acting like himself on tuesday and i miss him like CRAZY and i was upset that i couldn't see him.
I just dont understand how that's something to take this far,
or if i'm just being crazy
but i feel like absolute rubish,
and ontop of that, i'm beginning to become jealouse of a girl who talks to him.
but, oh i just dont know,
if i'm being 'obsessive' or if he is taking it a bit too far.
sorry it was long, but i just needed to get it out
You're not being obsessive at all, you were worried so I think you have the right to keep calling/messaging him like you did. I know in my relationship that stuff like this has happened, like last week Dave went out & I called him about 5 times in a few hours but he wasn't picking up. He came on MSN finally & said he hadn't heard his phone. & the week before I did it, I turned my phone on silent because we went to the cinema & it makes no noise/vibration on silent. I checked it when we got off the bus & he'd called me 3 times & texted me twice. It's not as long as you hadn't heard from him, but I see where you're coming from.
But I think you & him really need to talk. Ask him if there's a reason he seems to not be as interested. He might be just having a rough time at home or with one of his friends, but there's still not much reason why he should be being so unkind with you. Maybe, as hard as it might be, you need a few days away from each other to cool down & think things through? But just do the best for you =) PM me if you need me xx Hope things work out.
Last edited by Kame : 15-07-2007 at 03:05 PM.
You can't lose hope when it's hopeless.
You gotta hope more,
then put your fingers in your ears and go,
"Blah blah blah blah!"
Yeah, i think sometime was up and there was just something there for him to get mad at maybe.
He hasn't been himself quite lately, but i think maybe that's also because he has been on holidays, because he works full time.. idk
Yes, you had a right to call him. Specially as he wasnt answering, and he was acting weird. But it was quite obsessive. Boys dont need talking and connection as much as girls. Personally, i think that yes something was up with him, but your response didnt help. next time, a call or 2 a day is enough. He *will* get back to you when he can. If you cant trust him or believe he'll do that, then why are you with him? It was like what,5 days? You need to be able to go without him that long, overwise, it does seem a bit dependant.
Relationships are tricky. They need constant work. Do that, and you can work it out.
~He accepts that ambiguity and compromise are a part of life, but he doesnít necessarily like it. Itís not his way to dwell in gray areas, not to try and resolve complex situations. And yet, if heís really honest with himself, this time he doesnít care. He surrenders to what he wants, not what he must. ~
I think that 42 calls is a lot of calls, but I also think that he should have been asking why you felt the need to call him 42 times, and if I were you, I would have asked him why he hadn't answered my MSN messages from the night before either. Then I would have asked him why he didn't respect me enough to call me from his house phone to let me know that he didn't have his phone, and I would have asked why his brother couldn't have just picked up the phone and asked me to stop calling.
He does not have a right to be upset with you, if anything, you should be upset with him. This guy seems like he just doesn't care if you are worryed or scared of anything at all. And if when I told a guy "I love you" and he gave me that response I would told him to shove his 42 missed calls up his bazzoca and to never call me again (I say I would have I have put up with much more then that from Andrew).
Maybe you to should to to sit down and make some ground rules like "If your brother takes your phone, please let me know so Im not a hysterical mess and call your phones 40+ times" and for him "Sometimes I just need a little space and want some time alone, its nothing against you, but I promise from now on, if I make plans with you I will try my hardest to stick to them". Compromise is key in any relationship, and it sounds to me like that may be something you two are lacking. Just work through this darling, and everything will be ok.
"Even if hard work and determination doesn't pay off immediatly, it will ALWAYS pay off EVENTUALLY"
42 calls is alot... though I can understand, my boyfriend is in germany at the moment and we barely get to speak...
we had a similar situation to the one you are having a few weeks ago, but the reverse... at the time I had been banned from the internet and the signal on my phone isn't too good... over 2 days I had about 40 missed calls and 5 emails off him which I got all at once... I guess I felt the same sort of way as your boyfriend does about it... I thought he was either being a little obsessive or that he was trying to get in touch with me to dump me... turns out that he thought I was ignoring him and from that decided that I obviously didn't want to be with him anymore... took a very long msn conversation to even begin to sort out... in fact the issue wasn't fully resolved until I actually went over to Germany to see him and we had a long conversation...
miss understandings are never a good thing...
so, basically I think a conversation may be in order... just explain that you were worried, you didn't know that he didn't have his phone and it's only natural to try ringing again if the phone is not answered...
I can understand that you needed to talk to him and missing people is hard. I think you got a bit carried away calling him but thats easy to do. He has over reacted abit, try talking to him about how you were feeling and maybe lay off calling him for a bit?
Sorry I've not got anything more useful to say
You're a star the way you are
You know you're not fooling anyone, no
You got the eyes of an angel
Don't try to change, yeah
Everybody's got their scars
Nevermind how ugly they are
No matter what they tell you
You're beautiful the way you are
"You shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh"