haha that made me giggle too.
and i want jake as a mate *whine*
:P
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
*steals Jake*
I loved this update, it actually made me go "Awwwwwww!" Much love <3 xxx
"People have abused you lots in the past? Why do you then abuse yourself more?" - Quote
Sometimes I feel like I'm alone, Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong, Sometimes I feel nothing at all, Sometimes I feel vulnerable, Sometimes I feel a little fragile
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
N'aww, this made me smile :) Your grandmother reminds me of my gran when I was little. :P The whole "I can do whatever I like on my own" kind of attitude xD
Hope you're okay Katy :) <3
I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
The next day unfolded with more bustle and packing and unpacking until finally we were removed from the house and happily settled in the hotel. Although only a 3 star establishment it was a grand old building with old fashioned pillars and décor, attentive friendly family-like service and luxurious rooms. My family and I were treated like long lost relatives by the well known staff and they leapt to help us with our bags in their stiff red uniforms. All this impressed Jake to a large degree, having quite the taste for grandeur pomp and flourish.
Once the bags were unpacked and my Grandma and been up to deposit copious amounts of biscuits into each of them ‘to make sure we didn’t get hungry in the night’ we wandered down for a quick, quiet lunch and then onto the beach. Jake and I had a whale of a time. The salty sea air seemed to cause us to regress to the state over excited children.
The moment our feet felt the sand we were off, playing digging and prancing and paddling through the waves as though we had never seen the seaside before. My parents and my Grandmother settled themselves with a tad more refinement onto an old picnic rug and settled in to watch our shenanigans with indulgent amusement.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
Eventually we had to accept the chill in the air and the darkening sky as a call to return to the hotel. Each of us disappeared to our respective rooms to dress for dinner (something that Jake found exceedingly elegant and pleasingly fanciful). I slipped on a skirt and top, covered my scars with a small black cardigan and made my way downstairs. Despite lingering insecurity over my appearance I was privately pleased and proud as Mum insisted on photographs of me dressed up for dinner, stating that I looked wonderful.
With us all together again we progressed down to dinner. By now Jake was worrying about whether his choice of shirt was really posh enough, which was enough ammunition for me to tease him all the way down to the dining room. Greeted at the door by a familiar waiter we joked and teased right up to the table. Finally we settled in to consult our menus.
At this point the reality of the dining room hit me. It was a vast room filled with elegantly dressed tables, filled to the brim with diners chattering and laughing, sipping wine and digging into the delicious meals. I watched fork loads of food meet gaping mouths and suddenly my eating disordered glasses were forced back onto my face. I saw every spoonful of soup, mouthful of meat and swirl of sauce for what, to my mind, it really was. This room was filled to the brim with calorie sodden fat inducing food, which I amongst others would be expected to consume, despite the fact that I was sure it would cause my body to bulge and stretch into a gluttonous mound of flab and fat.
I swallowed hard, trying desperately to refocus, to go back to just moments before when I was looking forward to dinner and all associated with it. Try as I might I could not. I forced myself back into the conversation, pasting on a smile as I feigned focus, all the while conniving how I could avoid eating any of the scary options available.
Gradually it dawned on me with heart stopping clarity that there was no way; the whole dreadful ordeal of forcing that food down my throat was unavoidable. Right, I decided finally and firmly. I would eat, I would pretend to enjoy and then I would slip off and get rid of. It would be fine, I could get it all out; it would be fine.
Once my mind had settled upon a solution I found it much easier to partake in the conversation. I laughed at Jake’s utter delight at discovering sorbet as a starter and ate my meat and vegetables with as much gusto as anyone. Then as pudding approached I seized my chance. Carefully and guiltily avoiding Mum’s gaze I slipped from the table, declaring cheerfully that I needed to nip to the loo.
Leaving the room I mounted the stairs quickly and strode purposefully towards the toilets, blind to anything or anyone beside the goal to be empty and pure once more. Reaching the bathroom I didn’t even bother to wait for the silence that signified I was alone. Slamming the cubicle door shut I fell to my knees and forced the food back up through my throat in a rush and a roar. I continued until I was sure nothing more than bile remained in my stomach and then straightened up; head spinning, throat aching, spirits soaring.
Shakily I left the cubicle and stood in front of the mirror, carefully washing the sickly smell from my hands and mouth, touching up my hair and wiping my eyes. Once I had deemed myself respectable I left my sanctuary and returned to the dining room. I slid into my seat hardly seen, smile slick and easy as ever. No one noticed a thing, just as I had hoped.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
Much love <3 xxx
