Ok, i dont know how to ask for advice without feeling weird but...
I recently found myself as bisexual, which took me a damn good time to come to terms with. (when i started cutting roughly as well) but even now i dont feel attracted to either sex as what i used to be (16 y/o btw) parents dont know about me or nothing, but i have noticed i have now only become attracted to transsexual people. And i dont mean to offend any one reading but i always grew up learning and believing that everyone is born as "who they should be" and to have my own sexuality question what i used to believe in just wrecked me. but i dont know what i want. Transsexual people are all im attracted to now. I went through a stage of testing myself with pornography to test if i was gay, straight or bi. but nothing worked but transsexual. I had already lost a lot of friends when they found out i was bi, im just scared now about this, am i being arrogant to myself ? does this make me gay, straight, bi or whatever you want to call it, do we really have to have names? im just asking if anyone knows what i want or can relate to me or help ? thanks.
Clarke
that's got to be extremely hard to go through. I was raised very strongly christian and I had this bit where I thought I was gay (didn't really turn out) and I was so freaked out (but now I understand it's not a horrible thing). What I found out from my shrink back then was that I was looking for attachment or something. I didn't/don't have strong attachements with females in my life (mostly my mother) and so my desire for that sort of (non-sexual) attachment showed itself in ways that made me think I was gay. If that makes sense. And even now I find myself attracted to people that I think I could relate to or get really attached to or something (not really based on looks I mean). So, what I'm suggesting is that maybe you are attracted to transsexuals cause you feel like... maybe they will understand you? like they can relate and won't judge you? this is a bit of a stretch, I know ^^ took me a while to really wrap around my own stuff. because it's transsexuals you are attracted to makes me think it's more psychological, and probably deeper than just plain out sexual attraction. do you want emotional attachments to transsexuals or just sexual? cause, sometimes you need more and more "crazy" or "perverted" stimuli to get yourself aroused. Like, some of the stuff that gets me aroused I would never look for in someone else. I hope some of this makes sense ^^ and kudos with coming to terms with your sexuality. that's extremely hard, especially considering your raising, but dont listen to what people might say. there isn't anything wrong with it. take care!
- Judge someone not by how they treat their equals but by how they treat their inferiors. -
- Light a man a fire, warm him for a day. Light a man on fire, warm him for the rest of his life. -
Warum schreist du nicht? Warum verschenkst du dich? Warum qualst du dich? Wenn der Regnet fellt weist du es.
thank you for the reply, my parents i live with are also Christian, but i never worried about that as much because of my own beliefs, i was raised quite an arrogant person i will admit, but for me to open up to new things that scare me basically kill a part of me i have believed for so long, i know its for the better but it still hurts. With the transsexual thing, it's hard to explain how i feel towards it. i wouldn’t say everything i feel towards it is sexual, i have no desire for sex with anyone at the time being because im still a virgin, but If I was in a relationship with someone, I wouldn’t treat them any different from how they would want to be, but I think your right in a sense, Im quite a seldom person but I have always found that I could never want to open up to anyone male or female, but I just would like to find someone who has there own story you know, someone who has been through something as well, not just someone I find “normal” in a club somewhere ? im not saying people arnt not normal, but it feels better to be different.
the fact that there transsexual is like you said, I feel a sexual preference of mine. All I know is that its something im definitely not putting this aside, I mean I just haven’t been sexually attracted to male or female, but transsexual i am and feel always will be. but should i even be thinking stuff like this at 16 ?
I get what you are saying scarlet_fever, and that may be part of it. But, I personally think it's different, since clarke is attracted to transsexuals but not male and females. just thinking ^^
I totally hear what you are saying Clarke. as I mentioned I was also raised christian, and I believe that anything other than being straight was a sin, and I was a horrible gay-basher. It was rough for me to transfer to more acceptance and to think that I might be gay. It is really hard to have to take a hard look at some of your base beliefs and switch; it's definitely scary and hurts. but, in my experience it gets easier over time, especially if you meet people who aren't straight and realize they are just like everyone else. are you saying you would just accept the person for who they were and not try to make them something else? (little hard to tell ^^).
I think I get what you mean about someone with a story. Like, I was thinking (but forgot to add) that maybe it could be kind of an... outsider thing. if that makes sense. like, I attracted to people that are different, unique, etc. And also people that seem to be "outsiders" or out of the norm. that's what your thing about ppl w/ a story makes me think of. or is it different?
there's nothing wrong w/ thinking about this at 16, it makes sense. there is puberty, gaining independance, discovering who you are, people starting to take dating seriously, all that stuff. but, I would suggest trying not to worry about it so much. things change so much during that period. it could change, or you could become more comfortorable with it. it's still big, but don't take it as everything. it gets easier. gah, sorry for ranting XP
- Judge someone not by how they treat their equals but by how they treat their inferiors. -
- Light a man a fire, warm him for a day. Light a man on fire, warm him for the rest of his life. -
Warum schreist du nicht? Warum verschenkst du dich? Warum qualst du dich? Wenn der Regnet fellt weist du es.
thanks for the replys, im not saying i would "accept them" but its more the fact that thats all i feel attracted to, and it doesnt bother me in the slightest of who they are as a person, but i feel now that if i was just to go out with someone who was male or female, i just wouldnt be happy, at all. if you were to meet me you wouldnt think i was any other than straight, so i know thats why people would be shocked if i come out. I feel that when i say story its just that someone who is transsexual, i see, is someone who is a very open person as well, some one who i would feel right with. i dont feel right with a guy or girl, and that scared the hell out of me for a while. plus when you mention that dating is taken more seriously, that is true, all through high school i went with out going out with anyone because i didnt want to, but none of my friends could understand why, that then forced me to think im an outcast.
I know what im about to say will seem very stereotypical of me but i feel that guys will always have that male egotistical chauvinist part in them, and girls with have that I am holier than thou part to them, most of this based on where I live and school, but I don’t want to end up with some one like that as a partner, that scares me as a 16y/o which I find so weird, but in school right, there was one main person who made me see this, there was this young male in the year below me (I was in year 11, so he was in 10) who was transgender, and him as a person was just such a beautiful personality, even though I was in a bit of a rough school, he would walk around with long blond tied back hair, wore tight pants that the girls wear, and he looked beautiful as well, I mean you wouldn’t be able to tell he is actually a guy for now, and that one person was what made my life me see what im attracted to, but also scared the hell out of me as well because of the thoughts I was having, that’s where the cutting began, but is it wrong of me for liking something that everyone else wouldn’t see reasoning to ? i just feel thats what i would be best suited to ? to make someone happy who can make me happy as well ? is that possible or am i being to much of a fantasist ?
Thank you scarlet fever, it was helpful because I just learned something new J
no, you aren't being a fantasist because you want someone to make you happy and you them in return. that's definitely possible. it's likely harder given your more selective attractions, but there are still people who are the same. there is nothing wrong with liking who you do. you can't control you and it's not your fault, and you shouldn't have to fight it to suite other's desires. your entitled to like who you wish and to find happiness.
the way you talk about the people at school makes me think. is it a possiblity that you liked someone and they were transgenered so you became attracted to transgenders; versus you being attracted to transgendered people in the first place, and liking the guy for that? hope that makes sense. are you against liking a male or female because you've had negative experiences with them in the past? I guess what I'm wondering is if you are attracted to transgenders and not males or females because you are that way, or was it cause of social events? neither is bad, I"m just pondering. cause it sounds like it might be because you've had bad interactions and views, and you don't want any of that. like, what if you took the personality you associate with transgenders and transplanted that onto a male or female? would you be attracted? or does that just push you away? i'm sorry, i hope I make sense ^^ and sry for being so... analytical. ignore this all if it's a bother, lol. take care
- Judge someone not by how they treat their equals but by how they treat their inferiors. -
- Light a man a fire, warm him for a day. Light a man on fire, warm him for the rest of his life. -
Warum schreist du nicht? Warum verschenkst du dich? Warum qualst du dich? Wenn der Regnet fellt weist du es.
i don't think there's anything wrong or weird with that. and 16 is the age you begin finding out who you are sexually, so that's not strange at all! be who you are, you'll be happiest if you do. and if that is that you prefer transexuals in relationships, for whatever reason, then that is your right. *hugs*
I have been out with both male and female but just didnt feel emotionaly or sexually attracted to it, not because of social reasons but thats just how i feel, im not saying that all male and females are a stereotype of what i said but i just know even if they were the nicest person ever, i just wouldn't be happy because i wouldnt be sexually attracted to them.
