Help me please. I'm starting to get scared cause the reasons not to kill myself are getting smaller and I can feel myself not being so able to stop myself. I wish I had the support I needed.
My depression is getting worse, eating is getting worse and the need to SH is getting bigger. I don't know why this is happening, I just know it is.
I'm sorry to hear that :( Are you seeing a counselor? They can be a real source of comfort and can help you figure out the uncertainties in your life.
At the very least there are people here that care about you and would be hurt if you did anything to yourself. If you ever need anything, yo have a friend in me :)
what are your reasons right now? when i feel my reasons to fight shrinking, sometimes it helps me to list what i have left, and then find ways to make them more tangible and bigger in my mind... i try to turn them into goals, write all the memories i have connected with them, find photos that remind me of my reasons, think about what the result of hanging on for those reasons would be and how they could make my life better...
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Thanks. I have seen people in the past but got passed on from one to another cause I was moving about, then the most recent one said that because i had seen so many it meant I wasnt showing the commitment she wanted and that there was nothing she could do. She then passed me on to another department, but the letter i got to ask if i still wanted to be on their list (3 months after and the list is a further 2/3 months long) arrived a few days after the time i had to reply by.
So yeah, safe to say I've lost alot of trust in psychologists/ psychiatrists as out of the 8/9 I have seen there was only 1 I got on with/ respected. I wish I could see her again, but I have no details for her/ I'm not in that catchment area for NHS now so probs cant. :/
But thanks so much for just taking the time to reply, it really helps.
Also thanks for those ideas. I think what I'm struggling with is that dying is alot more appealing than living. And the only thing stopping me harming/ killing myself is I can't do it for my family. It's easier them not knowing how crappy things are as I kinda have to be there for one or two of them. Baaaaaah I don't wanna be here.
Sorry to post again. But I'm scared. I dreamt last night that I was away to kill myself. I wrote the note and everything. I remember what I said in the note and how precise it was. I really don't trust myself. :'(
Thanks. But no I'm home alone. And I don't have anyone professionally I can call either. Im exhausted, but scared to sleep. I want to be able to control as much of me as I can, and sleeping means I lose control. I just don't trust myself :'(
I know you dont feel like sleeping hun, but you need a good nights sleep to function properley, instead of sleeping, can you tr things that will distract/relax yourself instead like having a nice hot bath or reading a book/magazine?
I really do want to. I'm shattered. And I know it sounds slike I don't want your help, I really do. It's just I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to be relaxed. And I'm **** scared of going to sleep. Like the ideas/plans I get from my own dreams scare me. I wake up and its all I can think about! And yeah I do want to kill myself so much, but I can't do it to my family. I don't want them to find me. Ah my heads a mess. What I want and what its saying are 2 completely different things! Argh, I need a break.
if you don't get enough sleep, it makes it much harder to control your actions during the day... your self control is going to drop drastically the more tired you get... what is it that you feel like you need to be in control of over the night? if everyone else is asleep too, there isn't really much that needs to be looked after
would you tell anyone else that they don't deserve to be happy or don't deserve to be relaxed? if you wouldn't, what is so so terrible about you that you don't merit the same basic care as everyone else... are those terrible things really something that only you have? and could they be exaggerated in your mind?
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I'm scared of sleeping cause in the past I have got up still half asleep and done what ever I was dreaming about including self harming. And I'm scared I and up doing something more serious. :/
I am a terrible person. If I said the thoughts in my head aloud no-one would ever want to associate with me. Theres nothing nice or good about me. I don't deserve anything good to happen to me. I really just need to accept it and get on with my crappy life. F.S.
But seriously, thanks for taking the time to reply guys.
I'm scared of sleeping cause in the past I have got up still half asleep and done what ever I was dreaming about including self harming. And I'm scared I and up doing something more serious. :/
I am a terrible person. If I said the thoughts in my head aloud no-one would ever want to associate with me. Theres nothing nice or good about me. I don't deserve anything good to happen to me. I really just need to accept it and get on with my crappy life. F.S.
But seriously, thanks for taking the time to reply guys.
Nobody would ever want to associate with anyone if we could all see the thoughts in each other's heads. A lot of people think they are terrible people. Most of the time it's for the things that make us human. We all have flaws.
