Media portrays people with DID as out of control and just freaking out all over the place, when really it's a secretive thing and mostly is barely noticeable..
Very true, Facet. thanks for pointing that out as well.
I hope you get some answers too, Hiding.
You may, you may not.
And remember that diagnostic labels are just words for a bunch of stuff that academics have noticed sometimes go together.
I'm always curious however what a proper trauma trained psychiatrist would diagnose me with, I suspect mixed personality disorder and/or complex PTSD, along with the depression. I know one isn't qualified to diagnose oneself, but I know enough by now, of theory, and about myself, to have the general gist, at least.
Moke - all my alters named themselves and made their names known to me by carving their names into my skin.
The important thing to remember is that they are not different "people", they are different identities that hold different things, and their existence was necessary for survival. So to say that someone with DID could "train" themselves to deal with grief in a more controlled manner is quite frankly ridiculous. Media portrays people with DID as out of control and just freaking out all over the place, when really it's a secretive thing and mostly is barely noticeable.
Alright, so I just woke up and stuff, but wanted to reply. Maybe I'll make more sense later.
I think maybe my reference to "control" came across wrong. I didn't mean so much out of control as the fact that people can't control the timing of when x personality decides to come out - I've seen people on this forum referring to not wanting a particular personality to show its face to certain people, or at certain times - in that respect, at least, it appears there is a lack of control of what's happening, whether it's noticeable or not.
I'm aware that the media thing overhypes DID (don't get me started on Me, Myself and Irene), I have a psychology degree so have *some* awareness that it's not this crazy messy disorder of rapid personality switches... but it's obviously still difficult to deal with so it was natural to assume that the ultimate goal was to "cure" wherever possible (it may sound ridiculous, but to someone with no great deal of knowledge in the matter, it's really not - which is precisely why I asked the question in the first place! I like to understand things)
Ultimately, whilst I supposed that assimilation would be the only way to "regain control", I've learnt from this conversation that communication and adapting is the main approach and if that works, it's great.
i'm probably not explaining myself very well, lack of sleep and general crapness on my part, so again, sorry if I'm treading on any toes or just sounding stupid, I'm just trying to learn and understand. Education is a good thing :)
I so totally cannot usually control when I 'switch'. I don't get how people can. The whole nature of it is a defensive reaction against unbearable past feelings touched on in the present. It can happen so fast at times. And I'm 'trained' to allow it, observe it, gradually understand it, rather than shove it away. Because it has something to teach me - about myself, my feelings, my past.
Stella - thank you for the clarification. Have you ever tried to get a diagnosis? Or just happy to let it lie and deal with it without labelling it?
Hiding - I definitely agree on the whole books and textbooks thing. I have a psych degree and tons of books on the subject (mental health in general, not just DID).. and I still have basically no in-depth idea of any disorder which hasn't had a direct impact on my life.. so yes, definitely take your point on speaking to people directly about it! A book can only convey so much (usually hard facts - which is a bit of a contradiction when discussing grey areas such as this) so I've found this discussion really useful, and think I've learnt a lot.
A lot's happened in my life lately which has made me feel the need to sit back and think, and try to not be judgemental at all (in general, not just on this topic).. and I figure the best way to go about is to just ask!
labyrynth, i dont know what to say, but i hope things get better for you.
sounds a mess.
I didn't name anyone. Morgan named jordan, but that was because he didn't *have* a name.
they do have a right to exist
they're (usually) fully seperate from us (us, in this case, being main ie. who has the birth certificate)
personally im not trying to get rid of anyone, and degrading others is a good way to be blocked off and find your body a mess without knowing what happened.
these others are how some people deal with events they cant handle to remember.
Ah. So the idea of "allowing" them to remain and learning to live with them crops up again :) It seems that's the general consensus so far. Which is interesting as I'd never really considered that they might be viewed as just as valid as the "main person". My automatic assumption would be that the goal was to get rid of them if at all possible. I guess it makes sense though, when I think about it.
Certainly explains my question about naming, though!
Thing is, they carry core feelings for a person - e.g. anger, or protectiveness. To discard them, even if that were possible, would be devastating, as what kind of a person would be left?
They can also carry memories. Where would we be without our memories?
moke~ I will tell you something that has bothered me quite often over the past few months.. fueling my denial of my other 2.
I am 2 classes from my bachelors in psychology. before i knew about sarah and sadie, while taking my abnormal psychology class I was drawn to DID and took amassive interest in learning about it, ive read tons of books, website and blogs written by those who experience it and decide that was going to be my goal.. to become a therapist for those with DID. I joined a forum (not this one) and made friends there and offered support everyday for many months. Then sarah started making herself known to me. many (not all) on the forumwere upset by it, assumed i was faking it.. i was basically unwelcomed as i was allowed to join on the fact that i was a future therapist and supporter. I was crushed.. i had supported everyone there for so long and the first sign that I need the support and i felt they abandoned me ( again, not all of them but most)
when saide came to be known.. she told me that it was no coincedence that i got so interested in DID. there was a reason for it. I am suppossing the reason is that They were there with me, sarah and sadie, and before they made themselves known...they wanted me to understand more so i would be more acceptiong and understanding. *shrug*
but one thing the site owner on that forum said has always repeated in my mind .."people come here as a singleton/supporter.. and DID seems to be contagious"
i suposse she felt threatened somehow. but it hurt ..ALOT and for that reason and knowing what i do about dissociative disorders and DID.. it makes my denial go into overdrive.
even tho I know due to my strong morals and values, i would never ever fake this.. i still at times..ok .. alot of the time.. think maybe somehow i am faking it and making it all up on some unconcious level.
it makes me feel like a horrible person.. thinking that maybe i have and maybe i have betrayed my morals, values and friends like that.
*lowers head in shame..*
i dont know.. i hope that isnt true but sometimes.. i honestly am not sure. Hiding
yes we have what we call "the voice". it seems like a spirit/shadow thing .. it holds severe pain and memories it says. it doesnt talk much and says it will never tell us or let us see those things.. anyhow it writes lefthanded.. sadie, sarah and I write right handed.
we dont understand the voice.. what it is and such but we dontpay it much attention and it seems to like that we dont. *shrug*
Hiding - I'm sorry you had such a bad experience when DID first surfaced for you. At least you have the support of this forum - and know that the judging you says more about them as people than it does about you. I'm not really a believer that you can make something like that up on an unconscious level - if it's unconscious for you, it's not a decision or an act, as such - it has to be an integral part of you, something in your psyche that is triggering it and beyond your control.
It may be that DID forums seems to pass it on as an illness - but I'd think it's more because the type of people that frequent these sorts of forums are more prone to mental health issues (hence why the interest), or problems which are comorbid with DID and the discussion possibly opens previously suppressed channels in the mind, through no choice of their own.
I hope that makes sense, anyway :-/
I'm probably never going to be much help, not having a great understanding, but if you ever need a friendly ear, feel free to PM me :)
thank you for your kind response. It does help just to have someone trying to understand, people who do trust that i would never ever conciously fake this.. Who would? it isnt fun and it doesnt get attention in the way attention seekers want..
but i have NEVER been one for attention.. I have never felt i deserve attention.. anxiety problems dont allow me to be an attention seeker ..even if I did want to be.. which I dont.
Thank you. hopefully i will find out some answers this weekend.. very anxious and scared.. oh and katie~ thank you for your support sweetie xoxox
Thanks for taking the time out to explain things to me, it's been really helpful :)
Good luck for the weekend - hope you manage to get some answers and it makes life easier for you :) Don't be scared, it will hopefully be a step in the right direction for you! x
Hiding, you already know what I think, I think. :)
I've had a similar experience, although not exactly the same. I think it's more problematic when one lacks it as a medical diagnosis, and when one's trauma history is somewhat 'atypical'. But everyone is different and unique. Trauma and abuse can cause a whole continuum of personality fragmentation, it doesn't have to lead to text book DID, or DID in a wider sense. I think that's what many people struggle with. If one has 'identity confusion', people can automatically think/assume DID. [and sometimes it's 'easier' to go along with, as it bypasses confusion to some degree. Perhaps.] It's almost deified, and it seems the only way some people can understand the language of internal disconnections. The new draft DSM actually includes this in the personality disorder assessment stuff -
Quote:
Identity Integration: Regulation of self-states; coherence of sense of time and personal history; ability to experience a unique self and to identify clear boundaries between self and others; capacity for self-reflection
well sadie thinks i am too obsessed with a dx but I want to know..i am hoping it will calm things for me some and help me and us to understand better.
you also know I think the DSM is screwed up.. it needs more specifics, more categories.. but i think the DSM people are lazy haha
Moke~ thank you. i will hop on here asap after i get back and let you all know what happened.
I think today will be very difficult. not much anxiety yet.. just horrible muscle tension. I am sure the anxiety will build as the day goes on tho. taking a book as reading seems to help calm us and we can escape the anxiety/chaos some that way.
I think the confusion, on the whole, comes as people's assumption that mental illness is as black and white as physical disorders - you have cancer or you don't, must be the same for psychological problems, right?
A lot of people don't seem to realise that mental illness, in the main, is a scale ranging from what is perceived as normal, through to debilitating, and most people will have some traits and characteristics of at least one illness - it's just that they don't tick enough boxes on the arbitrary scale to meet the criteria for a diagnosis. The problem is.. what boxes do we need to tick?
As a result, they seem to lump everything similar into one super-mega-giant-disorder to make it more palatable and easy to label and categorise.
Not a criticism of them, mind, it's just how people are. We like to stick easy-digestible labels on things so we can compartmentalise our brains into neat little shelves of info!
So I guess when you mention identity confusion it's just easier to label as the big one, to avoid too many messy, confusing categories for people!
I actually like the new personality disorder proposed things. Even though I'm not officially medically diagnosed with one. I think because maybe my core self is pretty much functional. I don't know. But the 'pick and mix' element is so much more human.
kyle- I agree. I want to know what is going on with me as well. which is why i am going to the ER that dr wrote me a referral for. wish me luck.
when the voice writes left handed.. which it has only done once.. it was very very messy as if I had done it .. but well as it wrote i could hear it telling us what it was writing.. it speaks very very slow. Sadie with her..being her..lol..had to ask it why it spoke so freaking slow.. it said it was very tired and hurting. *shrug*
on another note, how are you kyle? i know for a while Tyler was worried about you as he felt you had "disappeared". hope you are alright hon Hiding
