Hugs, hope today improves for you at some point, Mark. What's up? Anything specific or is it a case of the horrible lows swooping in and taking over without warning?
Sorry to hear you cut today runwithscissors, have you tried any distractions? I've recently started throwing pillows down the stairs and stomping on them, no breakage, no danger, plus it seems to jolt the urge out of my system for a while, maybe give it a go?
I need to go to the shops but all I want to do is stay in duvet land, not go out into the big wide world outside my front door. Feel a bit overwhelmed today, a mixture of sad and hopeless.
- Emily
INTROVERTS UNITE! Occasionally, in small groups, for very limited periods of time...
I always picture them as a massive paintbrush swooping in and tingeing your life with grey for a few days.
We should all unite to create a magical grey-repellent spray... we'd be like understated superheroes. The Anti-Lowness League... The Admittedly-Shy-And-Anxious-Happiness-Defenders...
Hmm... I don't think it'll quite catch on... :P
- Emily
INTROVERTS UNITE! Occasionally, in small groups, for very limited periods of time...
Slightly boosted by the possibility of a league of BPD Folk taking the world by storm, I think I might be able to make it out the door to buy supplies for the weekend. I'm thinking there shall need to be a banner of sorts, so I'll stick some paint in the basket, in between the milk and tea bags... :P
Back later... :)
- Emily
INTROVERTS UNITE! Occasionally, in small groups, for very limited periods of time...
I spoek to the duty worker and I agreed to try not to harm anymore though really need to im gonna have lunch and go to ASN latee which should be good
Smallbluething nothing seems to help wish I had stairs I recently started hair pulling I have an elastic band o can use later to try and not get so worked up
I think I'm bitter. Why do others get help but not me? Why did mum not come and say goodbye to me (she lived 5 minutes away from me) before she left my home city to live a new life in Scotland with dad 5 hours away. Its been nearly 3 years since I last saw mum and dad (don't care about seeing dad). It feels like no-one in my life has time for me or wants to work with me.
Chrissy, keep busy or alternately relax. Take a bubble bath or watch a DVD or do the housework. You can fight the urges, I believe you can.
Glad you feel a wee bit better Mark, you give so much to this thread, that makes you worthy of support. As I said to Chrissy, if you keep yourself and your mind occupied with positive things that may help. Doing jigsaw puzzles, crosswords, tidying your place up if it needs it.
Emily you have a vivid imagination!!
*Squishes Chrissy, hugs Mark, glomps Emily
GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
Not sure how many of you will remember me. I just wanted to drop in and say that things are actually pretty good right now. I got engaged in July, my fiancé moved in with me in September. I started going to a mental health centre that runs all sorts of groups and allows you to jut sit and drink coffee if you want. Plus I get paid for going there, and they have lifetime membership. It's really helping me to structure my days and keep busy, and helping me work on my anxiety around interacting with people.
Liddy - Yeah, I never even knew it existed until a random person I only met once mentioned it, and I went home to google it, then applied for membership. I think I was flowingtears at one point, but I've been trechu for a while. I was never super active, just dropped in now and then, which might be why you don't know me (I'm not sure I recognise you either). I'm Rachael by the way. Congratulations on getting engaged as well! :)
I am scared that my CPN hates me and is avoiding g me and at the same time I'm terrified that something has happened to her. And my therapist thinks I have traits of OCD. What? I have seen what it is and it is not me and I feel guilty even thinking that I could claim something that isn't mine. ..
Know not helpful in the least but just wanted to say you're not alone and so long as you remind me to talk about it I think I can shed a fair amount of light on the OCD thing :) Seriously text/ring/generally remember to bring it up when we meet upbecause my CPN brought up OCD stuff and it's a lot more complicated and different than I expected/can express when my head's decked.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
Hi friends! I'm seeing names and am hoping I'm tying them to the right people. And I hope its okay that I use them. If not, let me know and I'll refer to you as you wish.
Mark - *Mega-glomps* my friend! Sorry the lows crept in on ya. Hate that! Hang in there!
Chrissy - I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. Have you tried tearing paper? I tear card stock when I'm angry or anxious. There's something satisfying about the effort it takes to tear a tiny piece - size of a finger tip or so. I'm glad that you made a call and hope that you are able to occupy yourself today. I'm doing the same thing. So I can relate. *hugs*
Liddy - Congratulations on your engagement! And I can relate to being bitter, but for different reasons. Still family drama/issues though. I'm sorry. It really sucks! Hang in there friend! *hugs*
Emily - I love your idea! Count me in! So now I think that makes three :) And I love your idea with the pillows and stairs. I'm going to give that a go next time I need an outlet. I really liked the idea of a 'heavy' bag so I could release my aggression that way, but my therapist poo-pooed it. So I guess I'm back to the drawing board on that one.
Hi Rachael~ its nice to meet you! I'm not new, but new-ish. Congratulations on your engagement and six months! I'm happy for you that you are doing well :)
If I missed someone or got the name wrong, I apologize. I'm off to walk for several miles. Anxiety is bad today and trying to replace my current behaviors with healthier, more accepted versions. So far, they are not satisfying, but I haven't given it a fair chance yet. So I hope I stick with it to see for myself. Have a great day all!!
It's so nice to have a place where you feel like no one else judges you 'cause you're all going through the same thing, so thank you all for this. And I'm so going for the superhero thing, I'ma paint us a banner and post it, the least it can do is give us all a bit of a smile :)
DyingToBeFree (sorry, not up to speed on names yet), I'm glad you're going to give it a go, it's so satisfying, without the damage afterwards :)
My day went to ****, and I feel like there's no end to it. I'm just lost in this whole thing, and I don't have anyone around to lift me, you know? I'm not saying I want to depend on anyone, it would just be nice if I felt like anyone I knew understood or gave a damn.
Jeez, I'm just melting into the grey, I need to take my own advice and paint the world with inconsequential happiness. Sometimes that's just the hardest thing. I really don't want to fall down tonight, but I feel like I'm already on the ground.
runwithscissors - sometimes crying is the best thing, it's the body cleansing the mind I guess.
Hugs to all.
- Emily
INTROVERTS UNITE! Occasionally, in small groups, for very limited periods of time...
** I didn't know where to write this or post this, may be TRIGGERING**
Yeah, so its 2:08 am here right now. I can't sleep. I was so anxious earlier in the evening and I painted and it seemed to dissipate with painting. I thought I did well. But now it seems like a low creeping its way in. I've been all over the board today :-/ I just read about signs of suicide (out of curiosity) because I keep saying that I'm not suicidal even though I have thoughts, but I've let my therapist, psych, and husband know that the thoughts are there. It scares me because I fit a lot of the warning signs. I don't put them there and I don't know where they come from, but they are there whenever I'm low or when I'm ping-ponging from mood to mood throughout a particularly rough day. I didn't think anything of them as I don't identify with them and I do my best to distract myself and push the thoughts away. But lately they are becoming more detailed. So I don't know if that is cause for concern or just intrusive thoughts. I know I should let my psych know on Tuesday when i go for my appt, but I don't want her to make an assumption and hospitalize me. I don't want that and I don't think I need that. But I hate feeling like this and the thoughts do scare me because I still don't identify with them. I do have a diagnosis of DID and PTSD aside from BPD and have been caught making attempts before (unbeknownst to myself). So I can't help but wonder if they would cause me to try when I'm not really there. Or a worse fear, hurting someone else like my husband. Can any of you relate to this or maybe have been there and can shed some light on this? Thanks for reading.
