back in hospital, help? - Page 4

Gone. · 18-01-2011, 09:51 AM

Hey love, I've just seen this thread.
I'm sorry things are so hard right now. What the others have said, that weight is just a number, is so correct. However, it can be hard to believe. I saw a picture of you on the Compliments Picture thread and can also assure you that you're one very beautiful girl.

Talk to us, what is making you want to give up on everything?

Take care.

crazykat · 18-01-2011, 11:22 AM

What's happened sweetheart? Don't give up, you can get through this. I care about you very much.

Revival · 18-01-2011, 01:05 PM

I'm giving up on everything because there is no point anymore. I've tried so so hard to get better, but it's unattainable. I've spent years and years in therapy, a million different meds, more hospital admissions than I can count, more OD's and cuts than I can count.

I am exhausted. I dont want to fight anymore; I cant fight anymore.

I'm sorry that I'm weak and a failure, I'm sorry that I cant be what you want me to be.

crazykat · 18-01-2011, 01:34 PM

You can fight this, please talk to one of the nurses about how you are feeling. I love you heaps xxx

akita · 18-01-2011, 01:42 PM

You can do this though Ally. I don't know what else to say to make you believe us.

xx

Revival · 18-01-2011, 09:49 PM

thanks guys, but I think that I'm beyond help. I'm sorry, I dont know why I'm posting I just feel so alone. I don't know what I want from this post either. I'm sorry for wasting space.

[SundayGirl] · 18-01-2011, 10:17 PM

You are not beyond help.
As long as you want recovery, its possible. It might just take longer than you want.
Keep fighting.

lozza · 19-01-2011, 03:45 AM

you are not wasting space by posting and you do deserve your voice and help
I am sorry things are crap right now I seriously am. I wish I could really be with you and just wave that magic wand and make everything ok again.

I love you. Please talk to P about this please
love you

akita · 19-01-2011, 05:37 AM

You aren't beyond help. Loz is right about talking to P again.

crazykat · 19-01-2011, 01:39 PM

Your not beyond help, please talk to P about the way you are feeling. I care about you too much to lose you. Hold on there hun

Revival · 19-01-2011, 08:42 PM

thankyou for the replies guys I really appreciate it.

I'm seeing P today but I really don't know what to say, or even if I can say what I need to because there will be another doctor there. Does anyone have any ideas on what I could say to him? I can't print out this thread because I have no printer in here, but I dont think that I could show this to him anyway.

I just feel so lost and everything hurts

fairylights · 19-01-2011, 09:33 PM

*hugs*

why don't write down on a piece of paper what you want to say to you P and then give it him to read? Atm I'm finding it very hard to know what or how to say things and i find it some what easier to write it down.

take care x

Revival · 19-01-2011, 09:40 PM

thanks fairylights,

I think the problem is that I dont know what I want to say, I'm just really torn and confused right now. If I didnt have to stay here for the 40 days (length of the program) I would be so out of here. I have to stay though and I dont know how to deal with being in here.

This is my 3rd admission to this particular unit, but it's also the hardest which I don't understand.

fairylights · 19-01-2011, 10:17 PM

hey call me heidi :)

*huggles* sorry you feel like this :( i have been told that i will have to be referred to ip soon if i don't turn things around which kinda scares me.

maybe tell them you are finding it hard to cope... they may offer you more support.

Even if you think that wouldn't help telling them, telling someone how I really feel normally makes me feel a little better, so it might make you feel better.

Maybe in time it might get a little bit easier?

I hope my advice helped a little, try to stay strong and pm any time if it helps x

crazykat · 20-01-2011, 03:58 AM

I hope you manage to talk to P, hold on there hun. Thinking of you xxx

Revival · 20-01-2011, 03:42 PM

Thanks Heidi and Kat xx

I talked to P yesterday... well I sat there and cried and he did most of the talking. I literally begged him to let me go home and he said that I am too unwell. I also told him that I am seriously struggling with thoughts of suicide, he kind of helped with that but it's all still in my head.

I also told him that I dont trust anyone anymore; he was really surprised because I've always trusted him. I just feel like everyone's lying to me, telling me that I won't gain weight, telling me that things will get easier when they just keep getting worse.

No more. I've had it.

crazykat · 20-01-2011, 03:45 PM

I am glad you talked to him, I wish I had the words to make it better but I want you know I care about you. Hold on there hun xxx

fairylights · 20-01-2011, 04:10 PM

glad you spoke to your P :) *hugs* stay strong you can get through this and it will get easier just take every day as it comes. Im finding very hard atm but i just try and remind myself this.

Take care xx

Uglyducklin · 20-01-2011, 05:23 PM

Sorry you are hurting.Well done for talking.Im sorry not to be much usex

Revival · 20-01-2011, 07:25 PM

thanks guys,

I wish that it had made things easier but it only seem to have made things worse. I'm sorry that every time I come on here I'm moaning about myself, I just feel so so low and here is the only place that I can really be honest.

The dietician's upping my meal plan today which is totally freaking me out, I dont know how I'm going to do it. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just have the tube in because eating is so hard for me right now, but I wouldn't ever choose that because that is totally losing any sense of control.

Would it be ok if I had some suggestions about how to get through today? I just really feel like I won't be able to do it.