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Old 22-01-2020, 09:04 PM   #2081
one_step_closer
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Thanks. Not ok. Took some meds which I'm sure doesn't constitute an overdose with my body weight but NHS 24 said to go to A&E. I'm not going yet because they won't be able to take bloods yet and there is supposedly a bus at 9.55pm so will get that. Really can't be bothered. Just want to go to sleep. Wasn't trying to kill myself, just an impulsive reaction to being upset. I don't want to hang around A&E, it's distressing. NHS 24 have sent a report to A&E so they will be expecting me so I can't just not turn up. I guess I better get checked out anyway because I don't want to be ill but I'm sure I'm fine anyway. I hate all this. Life is really not worth it.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 22-01-2020, 09:08 PM   #2082
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Definitely worth going to A&E. I really hope they look after you there and that you get the help you need. Xx

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Old 23-01-2020, 01:45 AM   #2083
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I'm so sorry about your friend. Hope you're getting yourself checked out.

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Old 23-01-2020, 02:33 AM   #2084
Indigo.
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I'm really sorry about your friend and how much you're struggling. Things may be hard right now but you are doing your best.

I hope A&E isn't too difficult and that you get appropriate treatment and support. Thinkin of you X



If I only could
make a deal with God.




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Old 23-01-2020, 10:05 AM   #2085
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Thinking of you.

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Old 23-01-2020, 10:56 AM   #2086
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I hope you went to a&e. I'm glad you phoned NHS 24.



with Christ I hang upon the cross

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Old 23-01-2020, 12:04 PM   #2087
one_step_closer
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Thanks everyone. I didn't need any treatment for the overdose. Psych didn't see me and just said they're happy that I'm able to contact the CMHT if I need some support. I can't do that easily and don't think I'll even try.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 23-01-2020, 12:14 PM   #2088
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I'm glad you are physically ok. I wish if was easier for you to ask for help. Please don't give up.



with Christ I hang upon the cross

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Old 23-01-2020, 12:41 PM   #2089
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So glad you're physically okay. Please try to reach out if you can. Or get someone to ring on your behalf? Thinking of you xx

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Old 23-01-2020, 02:07 PM   #2090
one_step_closer
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I really can't get in touch with anyone. It would have been better if psych had organised some support from the duty CPNs which they probably would have done for someone else.

I'm so low. Eating is a huge task unless it's just snacks. I'm really sick of being alive, all life does is bring pain and suffering. Another person gone. It should be my turn I think.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 23-01-2020, 02:57 PM   #2091
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I don't know if they would have for someone else, but I think people don't get the support they need and I wish they did xx well done for going to A&E. Sending love.

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Old 23-01-2020, 03:37 PM   #2092
one_step_closer
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Thanks. I wish I had actually done some damage at least but I can barely take enough of anything when I overdose now. I hate myself. I really need some support but can't reach out for it. I emailed for a message to be passed on to my key worker to let her know I wasn't coming to the gym group and mentioned that I had been in A&E last night but no one even acknowledged that they would pass on the message. I think my key worker isn't too bothered about me anyway and she'll probably just be annoyed that I've missed the group again.

I don't want this torture. There is no relief except through death and so many people are achieving death which means I should be able to also. I've done some very minor self harming, i'm too tired to do it any better but hopefully will try again. What is the point of this fight? Whenever I die it will be in a horrible and painful way to reflect how I have lived.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 23-01-2020, 07:12 PM   #2093
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I wish i knew where you could find some solace and if i did know i would tell you right away. I think it was irresponsible of a&e to just send you home. Not to turn it dramatic but i really Think so.

You have been struggling for a very long time, with scarce and sporadic support, and then you friend dies and of course there is bound to be a reaction. Then that reaction is neglected like everything else. Sadly, i can't tell you where to go when the system fails you. If i knew, i'd go there myself. But i can tell you that you are a very important and valuable member of this community and that all of us here care very much about what happens to you.

I hope there is just a tiny amount of comfort in that <3

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Old 23-01-2020, 07:36 PM   #2094
one_step_closer
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Thank you Kat, that is kind of you to say. I am very glad to be a part of this community.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 24-01-2020, 11:08 AM   #2095
one_step_closer
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Wow. Thank you.

I keep most things to myself other than on here so I wouldn't call myself attention seeking.

I'm sorry.

I will try not to post so much. And please don't think that's me being passive aggressive as you've said because I promise you it isn't.

I wish I wasn't such an awful person.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 24-01-2020, 11:15 AM   #2096
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I wouldn't call you attention-seeking or passive-aggressive either. I would encourage you to tell others how you're feeling here and outside of RYL and would not consider that attention-seeking either. It's okay to feel angry.

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Old 24-01-2020, 11:18 AM   #2097
one_step_closer
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I'm really upset but I shouldn't even say that because I obviously want attention for my emotions. Now I can't even come here for support.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 24-01-2020, 11:25 AM   #2098
Soft Kitty
 
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I can understand why you feel that way. This is an important space for you to receive non-judgemental support and space to express your inner experience, none of which is bad or wrong.

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Old 24-01-2020, 11:30 AM   #2099
Cacoethes
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You aren't attention seeking at all lindsay
I really hope you can continue to post here when you need to
I know I'm pretty crap with the advice side of things but I always read your thread and I care about you



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 24-01-2020, 11:46 AM   #2100
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I want to second the above. Stay safe and try to ask for and accept help - here and in real life.



with Christ I hang upon the cross

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