Reviews Requested- Safe - First Love- Always the hardest. Comments please

[Survivor!]

Just a little poem, that i wrote.. not the best but it was from the heart. Please dont comment if you arent going to say anything nice, but id appricate comments greatly:)



The first day that i saw you, i just froze,
God sent an angel down from heavan to keep me on my toes.
I knew what you'd mean to be there and then,
it was as real as this ink thats coming out of my pen.
Learning as we go along because no body knows,
just exactly how this love thing goes.

It was hard for me to love but,
with you it just came so fast.
I dont know if its because im stubborn or because of my past.
Because lets face it before i met you i was a mess,
then you took the pain away and i just couldn't care less.

We were only 16, young and keen,
childhood sweet hearts..you know what i mean?
But like all good things they dont last forever, they always come to an end,
we talk now and then, hard to face it but you'll never just be a friend.

[xeli03]

Hello

I love your poem :) I especially like the image of the ink from a pen in the first stanza.

I have just done a poetry course at university so have had to really look at the form of poems and how they are constructed and for me there was one tiny thing that would make it 'flow better' and that was to get rid of the 'it' in the very last line and replace it with a comma. I just think that it is such a powerful image and it really provoked emotion in me and to say it a little more concisely would make it even more powerful :) Of course it is your poem and never let anyone tell you to change your work if you don't want to, I did it once on someones advice and ended up hating the result.

Do you write much poetry because I really enjoyed this :D

Take care.

[Survivor!]

Thank you for your advice:) I will take it on board.
I have never wrote poetry before, this is the first poem i have written.. & i wrote this a while ago.
But thank you very much!:)

[Charmed]

This is really good :) you can tell its from the heart and its very well written :) be proud of your first attempt!

[Survivor!]

Thank you :D!