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Old 16-02-2020, 04:35 PM   #2181
one_step_closer
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Also sorry i can’t support others right now





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 16-02-2020, 04:39 PM   #2182
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I was wondering how you were getting on earlier.

How do you feel about the plan?

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Old 17-02-2020, 07:29 PM   #2183
one_step_closer
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I really want t go ahhead with it but i’m so low and tge men are intrusive. I ended up ligaturing last niight 🙁 still want ro make a good go of my passes.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 19-02-2020, 12:00 PM   #2184
Pi.R^2
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Sounds like you're having an awful time at the moment and I'm sorry that you ended up ligaturing the other night. How was yesterday and how is today going?



We’ll find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 21-02-2020, 02:33 PM   #2185
RoseThorne
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how is today going?



need someone to talk to? PM me, I'll respond as soon as I can ❤

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Old 21-02-2020, 07:15 PM   #2186
one_step_closer
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Thanks. I want to bash my head but my cover up method isn’t covering up the noise. I went homr fir a day pass yesterday and it was way too much. I need to take smaller steps. I have a blade that doesn’t do much but i can’t admit i have it. The men are so powerful. I need a kind person.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 21-02-2020, 07:27 PM   #2187
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I'm sorry you're struggling so much and home leave was difficult. <3 Sending so much love







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Old 21-02-2020, 09:29 PM   #2188
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Sending you love and wishing you a speedy recovery xx

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Old 29-02-2020, 04:28 PM   #2189
one_step_closer
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Thank you. I can hardly do communication. Supposed to be discharged on Tuesday coming up.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 29-02-2020, 04:36 PM   #2190
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How do you feel about going home?



with Christ I hang upon the cross

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Old 01-03-2020, 03:52 PM   #2191
Pi.R^2
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Just to say I'm thinking of you. I hope if you are discharged on Tuesday, that you feel ready for it and will be supported in the community.



We’ll find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 05-03-2020, 01:19 PM   #2192
one_step_closer
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Thanks everyone. I don't think I have been discharged at the right time but will try to get on with it. They messed up my meds so I had none yesterday or this morning. Things are overwhelming. People are expecting me to get straight back into doing normal stuff after 6 weeks in hospital. I don't have any support because my CPN is on holiday and I missed an appointment with my support worker. My key worker wants to meet me before the gym group but it's so hard to even do peopling right now, in person, on the phone, text, PM, whatever. The only way I can access support until my CPN comes back is the usual phone call. I'd like a person to hang around my house not getting in my way but being there when I need them, a bit like hospital I guess.

I should be in physical pieces. I don't want to be saved.

I will try hard to get back into supporting here.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 05-03-2020, 02:02 PM   #2193
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Sorry you don't feel ready for discharge. Don't worry about supporting others, you deserve support too. I really hope things improve for you x



with Christ I hang upon the cross

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Old 05-03-2020, 02:13 PM   #2194
Cacoethes
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I'm sorry you don't have much support at the moment lindsay
Remember we are always here if you need us, though I know it's not the same as real life support.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 06-03-2020, 10:59 AM   #2195
one_step_closer
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Thanks.

This may turn into a ramble. I'm sure I have definitely been discharged at the wrong time. My first 4 weeks or so in hospital were spent doing nothing much than going to the shop with staff or spending five minutes at the front door on my own to hope I wouldn't run away to the train station again. Then all my passes were crammed into less than a week and I usually need them spaced out with breaks to feel properly confident at home. Everyone just wanted me to go home. I briefly got to see OT and we made plans but then the doctor cancelled OT so he could send me on pass. I was also supposed to see the IP psychologist and that never happened because they gave me no time to access all the support.

People said I wouldn't be discharged if I wasn't ready but I knew that was bollocks so I just agreed with them that it was time for me to go home. I couldn't explain what was wrong anyway, at that point I didn't have the words to explain that I need more passes and input from OT and psychology.

I was just about getting to the coping stage when I was in hospital but the things that weren't right have continued into the community and a lot is worse at home. Really stupid things like my balance is terrible, I'm slapping my head loads more, I'm avoiding people, I'm hearing messages in all sorts of sounds, crossing the road is a task and this is one of the things that happens when I'm unwell. Anyway. I just think I was rushed through hospital and that wasn't helpful. I can't phone anyone. I'm just doing my best to avoid train stations.

I was thinking about how much I struggle and how some people think mental illness isn't a disability. I can't imagine this struggle plus trying to be a 'normal' person and have a job etc. I'm cracking up. I need someone.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 06-03-2020, 06:20 PM   #2196
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I'm so sorry I wish I knew what to say. Sending you love and hugs x

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Old 06-03-2020, 06:37 PM   #2197
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I am so sorry you've been treated that way, that was wrong and they should have stuck to what they said in respect to all the input you'd be getting but then you were rushed out. Are you still in regular contact with your CPN? I wonder if they are able to put you in touch with an OT in the community?

Sending love.







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Old 07-03-2020, 03:09 PM   #2198
one_step_closer
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My CPN is on holiday at the moment and I only wanted to work with the inpatient OTs to help me through my admission, I don't need OTs in the community plus I don't feel comfortable with the one who would be allocated to me.

It's wild here. Something is on fire in the other world and I don't know how to put it out and the followers are screaming but that will only make them inhale more smoke.

I'm constantly getting overwhelmed by every big thing and every little thing. My skin says no to self harm and that's not good. I can only do minor stuff which is not enough.

I'm being plagued by things that aren't helped by self soothing. I miss the good nurses on the ward who could help to reassure me.

I wish I was more tolerant of the cold so I could please the men at least.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 07-03-2020, 09:54 PM   #2199
Pi.R^2
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What a rotten time you're having, I really hope that there's some much better times on the way for you.

Does anything grounding help with the, ahem, 'extra' things experience? What's your daily routine like at the moment?



We’ll find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 08-03-2020, 12:28 PM   #2200
one_step_closer
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I'm sticking to my housework routine anyway, and I still have to collect my meds daily.

I'm finding I can't really do journeys well because of the other world stuff and my balance and my difficulties with crossing roads and fear of bumping into people. I just don't know what to do. I really need to see my CPN but she won't have answers either.

There is CCTV specifically watching me. There are beeps and all sorts of scary noises and cracks where the smoke from the other world is coming through.

The cats are even feeling too much for me.

I actually do think if I had been kept in hospital to work through things more slowly I'd be doing better than now.

Nothing really helps to ground me because my head is full and unbalanced and I feel lightheaded.

I've had to many just on time to 'save' mes, I want out.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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