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Old 07-01-2016, 07:52 PM   #1
FlyingPeanuts
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i'm a selfish monster

sorry to make another thread but I'm freaking out right now. my former best friend and I got in a huge argument and aren't really speaking anymore. well, technically e are speaking. but I sort of did something bad. I didn't reply to his messages. I've avoided facebook and tumblr for the past few days because I'm flat out avoiding him because I can't handle it. I looked at his tumblr today and he thinks I'm dead. and I'm not too scared to go back online. apparently he's contacted my friends (I'm assuming he's talking about me because it all sounds too specific) and I'm made at myself for upsetting him and making him more ill but there's just no way I can go back on there I'm too tired and scared and hurt. I'm hurting so much right now and I'm so confused. I hate myself for what I' doing to him but I can't stop myself.



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Old 08-01-2016, 01:32 AM   #2
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It wasn't your fault that he thinks you were hurt or worse, he came to that conclusion on his own.

However, it would be good to send him a brief message, just to let him know that you are okay. Even if you are not on speaking terms, and that is perfectly fine btw, you don't owe anybody friendship, it still would be best. Just to put his mind at ease and to help clear your conscience. I know that sounds about as appealing as Danny DiVito in a speedo, but still it would help the situation immensely.

Best of luck to you! If you ever need someone to vent to, drop me a line!



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Old 09-01-2016, 10:33 AM   #3
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I told him a few hours after i posted this, and I'm not even entirely sure what happened. One moment we were talking about how much we care about each other and the next he blocked me on tumblr and unfriended me on facebook. He still sent me messages after that, though, telling me that he loved me and stuff. I've completely disconnected from everything - my friends from college are all worried now and I'm just... I don't even know. I'm trying to focus on my college work but i'm just so... I don't know. I don't have words to express it all. I've forgotten how to be a person without my best friend and i just feel like i'm a shell without him.



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Old 13-01-2016, 07:12 PM   #4
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I found out the other day exactly how I ruined everything and it proves that I am in fact a selfish monster and I shouldn't be allowed near people. All I do is hurt people, even when I'm making a massive effort not to.



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Old 13-01-2016, 07:29 PM   #5
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I don't think you're a selfish monster, or that you shouldn't be allowed near people. I think if you were a bad person, you wouldn't be bothered about hurting other people. And I think that everyone is deserving of care and support.

Would it help to talk through what happened and what makes you feel that you ruined everything?



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It'll get better. Until then, have a day."


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Old 13-01-2016, 10:57 PM   #6
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I got so scared that he would leave me and i ended up manipulating him without even realising. I didn't even realised the extent of what I'd done until after he cut contact with me and made a post on tumblr about it. I tried so hard not to hurt him but I managed to anyway.



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Old 13-01-2016, 11:15 PM   #7
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I don't know. I want to hurt myself but bad things will happen if I do that. I want to die but I don't have the energy to do anything. I'm really tired. I don't know.



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Old 14-01-2016, 01:50 PM   #8
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Can someone PM me i need to ask about something that's just happened to me i'm scared



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Old 14-01-2016, 05:28 PM   #9
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You're welcome to PM me if you like.

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Old 15-01-2016, 07:26 PM   #10
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I'm sorry I never pmed anyone yesterday. I think I've managed to handle what happened but I don't know. I feel like I should feel more about this. I should feel hurt and angry and annoyed but I just don't really feel anything.

my old best friend messaged me for the first time in a week yesterday. He cut contact with me a week ago, so I wasn't expecting to speak to him ever again. I replied and he got mad at my response - he's misunderstood what I was trying to say. I think he;d messaged me just so that he could have a go at me.



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Old 15-01-2016, 07:47 PM   #11
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*hugs* Have you replied again explaining what you meant? Or do you think that would damage the relationship further? I really hope you can stay safe at this time..



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Old 15-01-2016, 07:57 PM   #12
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I hope you don't mind me speaking ill of him but I don't think he sounds like the greatest person to be around so I think that whilst it's incredibly painful to have him suddenly cut contact like this, it may well be for the best.

From what I know you did have very frequent contact with him, so yes it's a little rude for you to have avoided him when he was worried but it's also not the worst thing in the world if it's only a few days so I think he's over-reacted massively, and the quick swings between nice messages and being blocked seem like stress you could really do without in your life!!

Have you replied to his message? If you think he's just messaging you to have a go, it'd be perfectly reasonable to not reply if you don't want to.



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Old 15-01-2016, 08:07 PM   #13
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I haven't replied to his last message. What he said to me was just so harsh that I don't want to think of a reply. He'll only insult me more if I do reply, and I know that.

I can see now how I hurt him and why he got mad at me, but he's not exactly been a saint to me either, but there's no point in wasting my time calling him out on that.



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Old 16-01-2016, 01:12 PM   #14
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That seems sensible not to reply. As you've said, he's not been ideal and if he's unwilling to accept any responsibility for that then he's not worth your time.

Do you think you'll be able to keep your distance from him/not reply to any further messages?

Sorry you're going through this, it sounds really unpleasant :(



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Old 16-01-2016, 01:31 PM   #15
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I don;t know i hope so but i'm always tempted to repl to him because i miss him a lot



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Old 17-01-2016, 11:52 PM   #16
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i have college in tge morning and i have to be up at half 5 and i skipped friday but i'm drinking again



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