I've been contacted by a past "client" from when I ran a support group. He saw my address on a letter that was being sent out when he did volunteer work there too at the end of 2012 and had remembered it since.
Anyway he's written me a long letter detailing me a lot of his struggles recently and then ended saying that now I'm not facilitating the group we can be friends, left me his contact details and said he hopes we can meet up.
He initially contacted me prior to this letter with a card I thought was sent from him via the organization but it turns out they had nothing to do with and he made that up. I feel deceived and uncomfortable and unsure of how to clearly but firmly say no to this friendship.
Sidenote: he's an adult male who has autism so social communication is potentially different to this situation regularly, which I still struggle with.
Did he leave his return address when he sent the letter?
If so, I'd respond with a letter. Keep it short and professional and explain that you cannot be friends as even though you do not faciliate the group any more he is still a past client and therefore to be friends would be unethical and unfair on him as it would blur boundaries. Wish him well and politely say you cannot have any more contact with him unless it is through the group (ie if you were to return).
It does sound like a difficult situation. I'm glad you are going to say no as I could foresee quite a problematic relationship if you were to agree to being friends!
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
Also I would contact the organisation in question about the breach of data protection and ask them what they are going to do about it! He should never have been able to see your address.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
My Dad has suggested an idea that I was toying with and that was to start by informing the organisation about his contact, knowing my address and using them as a guise to contact me.
From there, asking them to inform him not to contact me (and that I've moved house... hoping he believes it).
He suggested this was a good idea because it means I don't have any personal contact with him. This guy isn't threatening but I'm uncomfortable with him, and having the organisation talking to him would set the clear boundaries.
There is the downside that this might send him into a greater depression (And/or mean he gets angry at me and comes to find me).
And really driving home to the organisation that this is a breech of confidentiality of my information and finding out how they'll deal with it.
It went really well and she really validated how uncomfortable I must be feeling about the situation. She was visibly uncomfortable as well when I described it and said it had given her shivers "so I can't imagine how you'd be feeling". She's agreed to speak with him next week about how inappropriate it all is, and I've asked her to emphasize that he not contact me again.
She was very understanding. I told her that I was recently sexually assaulted to put it into some context of why I'm extra cautious and she showed real empathy making sure I was getting support and going above and beyond, really. But overall she understood that he has breached my privacy and trust and he will be spoken to and told to cease contact. She took a copy of the letter also for reference.
Last edited by Snow White. : 07-08-2014 at 09:59 AM.
Document what she said she would do. If the organisation falls under someone else, you should get an official response from someone on the outcome. While the individual may be seen as a vulnerable adult, it needs to be seen that you have not solicited this attention, and the organisation failed both you and this young man.
Hang in there, and possibly speak to a lawyer just to make sure you should not be notifying anyone else.
~Happy tomatoes together we will be~
You say toe- may- toe, I say toe- mah- toe:
Let's call the whole thing- red
“It’s time to lead the third revolution, which is not to say we want to be at the top of the world, but to say we want to change the world. Because the way the world has been designed by men is not working. It’s not working for women, it’s not working for men,
it’s not working for polar bears.” Arianna Huffington 2014
I'll try, my memory isn't very good for verbal information and she wasn't very detailed because she didn't yet know how she would deal with it (what she would say), but I guess the important thing to write down is that he will be instructed to not contact me. I intimated to her that she needs to spell this out to him extremely clearly because if he contacts me again they won't be the only people I'll be informing (ie. I'll go to the police).
She did say she'd follow up with me about how it went too so that will help to keep me informed.
I'm glad that things are getting sorted. It sounds like he perhaps isn't so sure of things because of his autism, but hopefully they'll be able to make it clear to him.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
i would turn him to down polietly as possible and suggest he find friends suited to his own needs, people with special needs. Im sure their must be autism groups he could join or special learning disabiity groups
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
You definitely did the right thing :)
At least once every couple of months I get a patient I have previously nursed either write me a card and send it to work, add me on Facebook or Facebook message me... although automatically you'd want to reply saying 'thanks but no thanks' kinda thing, even some I would like to reply and see how they are, but ultimately the best (and most professional) way to deal with it is to either ignore it, or if it's persistent or upsetting then inform such organisations that are still involved with them that can sort it out.
Well done though, hope that's the end of that and you don't hear from him again!
We're all architects of our own private hell
No-one can hurt us like we hurt ourselves...
I hope it will get sorted now and please don't feel guilty, it's not your responsibility if he gets depressed over it. The fact that you even worried shows what a kind person you are, but you have every right to decide who you are friends or not with. I'm sorry you've been put in such an awkward situation though.
