The Borderline Personality Disorder Thread

[Hollz]

My CPN is on annual leave today and tomorrow, I will try and give her a call on Monday though before I see my gp

Carrie - have you sent an email re website

Hope your doing okay Sarah xxx

Its bliss atm, I put Kara in my bed and she has been sleeping the past hour whilst my mum is out picking up the other boys from nursery and school, hope she sleeps till my mum returns

[~Grace~]

well its all just ****. i cant ****ing do this anymore and if i had the pills i would bloody take them....i may have a search for my meds whilst hubby is out. I am ****ing livid and i cant do this anymore I will NOT see another doctor and I am not going to take my meds anymore. I have asked for a break from seeing my doctor and i now dont see him until march and im going to text my therapist and tell her that I need a break from everything and leave that until march too. I wont be dictated to

[Bleeding Angel]

just got more recording done, but i dont like for some reason i sound like a guy, it sounded ok in pro tools, but now once ive mixed it it sounds awful. But i got two things recorded, so at least my piano skills improving ha ha

Rowie taking pills isnt going to help anything hun.

[youngatheart]

evening everyone! how are you all?

[Bleeding Angel]

im good thanks, how are you?

ive uploaded my two latest creations, im all out of creativity me thinks lol

[x-dying-inside-x]

hi everyone.

[Hollz]

Rowie - Ihope you are okay and safe, please do not do anything rash hunni, as mari says, pills will not help hunni xxxx

I got a text from letting agents to say that everything is ready, just need to sign lease and I can move out tomorrow, so yeah pretty happy about that, told mum it was just me on the lease as carri couldn't get guarantor as her mum n dad dont work but she is paying her share upfront, so I hope that is okay, I knows its a lie, but she would say I was wasting my money if I told her the truth, and even though my friend nikki (who I met on ryl initially) she might be moving in with me, but she aint been to see flat or anything, so atm I dunno.

Anyhow, I am away for a bath. I don't think I've washed my hair since last weekend ugh, just been so lazy. Going to weightwatchers to get weighed and then I am going over to Davids house, still not really great about going to his but he says he has a surprise for me, so I'll give it a shot and see how it goes

Hope everyone else has a good night xxx

[ferretmonster]

hi ya, just popping in to see how everyone is,

well done carrie! your doing so well

rowie i really hope your taking care x

hollz hope you can find someone to discuss things with :)

[ThinkingofRecovery]

Thanks Ferret. How are you doing?

Hollz, I will look at your email when my head is a little clearer as it seems to be quite long

[ferretmonster]

im ok thanks hun, still getting over the side effects a bit but nothing too bad. :)

quite nervous about group next week but im sure it will be fine :)

[~Grace~]

Sorry.....i was really cranky after my doctors appointment. Have calmed down now. Im not seeing either my doctor or my therapist until the first week in march so the pressure is now off me and it gives me some thinking time. I just felt like i was going to explode with it all

Hope everyone is having a good evening xx

hugs grace hope u can use the breathing space well.

hope everyones ok

[ferretmonster]

glad your feeling better grace :)

[x-dying-inside-x]

just poppingin to say hi.
sorry ive not been around tonight not feeling too good at all.
I'm off to try and get some sleep now
night everyone.
xxxxxx

[Tig]

Night Daniella. I hope you feel better tomorrow *hugs*

[Bleeding Angel]

my friends pissing me off, i cannot be bothred with this tonight

wats happening chick

[Hollz]

Howdy,

Hope everyone is okay, I am glad you are feeling a bit better Rowie, and don't worry about the email Carrie, read it when you have time, thats okay.

Okay, well I am not happy. I know I am not allowed to talk about my weight on here, so I wont mention numbers, but I have tried my damn hardest all week, gym, gym and more gym and I've been eating well all week, didn't stray at all on the food besides a pancake and a bit of toast, and tonight I had chicken fajitas and then i had a fondant fancy, but all I had earlier today was a bowl of ww soup and tiny bit of bread, so yeah I am annoyed, I did lost weight, but not as much as I was expecting, as I had weighed myself elsewhere a few times over the week, and thought I was on course, but my ww leader is still pleased and I know I aint taking everything into account, but I did expect to do better and I am annoyed that I never. Still, what I aint going to down is drown by sorrows by binging, so I will be equally as good this week, and more exercise me thinks.

Got to Davids, we watched two films and had a bit of a chat, mainly about mental health. I know thi probably sounds weird, but I think I get on with him better because he does have mental health problems, its like we can relate to each other, talking about things we did in the past, our current therapy, our meds etc etc, he is annoyed how he gets his lithium daily and they won't take him off daily dispense, he wants to go weekly and well I am weekly but its weird, we are both aint pyscotic but are both on anti ps, mmmm its weird but its kinda nice in a weird way, because it feels like I aint on my own no more and I don't need to justify to him my weird behaviours.

I have been upfront with him about a lot of things, my moods, my gambling problems, self harm, things done in the past, lack of relationships, okay well really no relationships, beside stupid crushes in high school.

My experience with men normally goes like this: kiss in club, go home, sleep with said person, leave and never see them again, let alone know their name. There have been a few guys who I have slept with on more than one occasion, but its never been about being in a relationship, just sex.

David gave me a valentines card and present tonight. Its a bit overwhelming for me in all honesty because, I've only ever had one proper card before and I was 17 at the time, from a guy I went out with briefly, just so happened it was over this time. Never since this has there been anything. I would hate this day, as I'd always be on my own. Now I don't know when I will see David again, but yeah, I feel touched that he bought me it. Although, I gave him a card and next vouchers for his birthday last week, and he said it was nicest thing anyone had done for him in a ong while. He even text me to ask if I got home safe, and all we did was lie together on his bed watching a few films, holding hands and a kiss on the way out the door. He seems happy to take things slowly and for a change, so do I? Is this what having respect for someone is? I've never felt it before lol.

Sorry I am prattling away, just been a lot going on in my head tonight.

Plan. Up early tomorrow, pack up some stuff, go to letting agents, sign lease and hopefully get moved in tomorrow. Then personal trainer at the gym and then meet mari for dinner/drinks.

Mmmmmmmmmm

Anyhow, I am rambling and really should try to sleep, only took my meds 5 mins ago though. So hope everyone had a good night and has a good day tomorrow, I might not be online much tomoz if at all, so take care everyone.

Finally, Mari - Happy Birthday, hope you have a good day and I will see you around 4ish if thats okay, will text you tomoz, just ran outta credit there, ahhh paranoid now david will think im ignoring him mmm - anyhow, yeh, takes cares, night xxxxxxxxxx

[ThinkingofRecovery]

Happy Birthday Mari.

I hope you manage to go out with Hollz and have a good time hun.

xxx

[youngatheart]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARI!!!!
Hope you have a great dayxxxxx