Its just that i find myself doubting every emotion. Like, are people really abandoning me or is it just BPD paranoia? I wish i had never read the symptoms because i feel like i dont know whats real anymore.
I feel like i cant trust anything i feel, and no one else can trust me either.
I feel like the girl who cried wolf, constantly. I feel like everyone thinks i'm pathetic. Everytime i feel suicidal i'm SURE its what i want and that i'm going to do it, i text people for help and tell them, but they're getting bored of hearing it now. I havnt killed myself yet, so i'm ok? I've been suicidal everyday for 7 months... but i've only OD'd twice, so i feel like no one thinks i might do it. Its scary. I dont know whats real.
Hallo Mark! I am distinctly average. I've just talked myself out purging, so I suppose I should be pleased! And I have exams this week, and am freaking out o_O [/pointless woe].
How are you this fine morning? It's sunny here :)
Hmm. It's a difficult one Lauren. I literally don't know what to advise, because I struggle with 'fake thoughts' and 'real thoughts', so I mainly only know retrospectively which were my actual thoughts and feelings :p
However, I think it's fair to assume that there's a level of paranoia occurring. Are there particular people you're concerned about abandoning?
I think it's important to differentiate between being actively suicidal and passively suicidal perhaps? As it's unlikely that you've been actively suicidal everyday for seven months, but it's quite feasible that you've been passively suicidal that long. When you text your friends to say that you're suicidal, what do they say that convinces you not to attempt? Maybe you can note down some things they've said in the past, so that you're more able to self-soothe in situations like that, if you're worried about being too reliant on them.
I get triggered going to A&E as well. I went with a friend recently and it triggered me. Also, the crisis team often ask to see me there and I try to explain it triggers me. x
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