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Old 17-12-2008, 05:49 PM   #1
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~Ruth~
 
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Thanet
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Triggering (SI/Suicide) - so scared of another relapse

The nightmares have started again. I'm back to struggling to sleep through the night and being afraid to even go to sleep because I don't want to have to remember.

The nightmares, and subsequent sleep problems, are usually the first indicators that my mental health is going back downhill again.

And I'm so scared.

So very scared of what I am going to do with myself.

I know I have way too many tablets in my flat, and I am struggling so badly not to take them all.

I fight with myself everyday not to go and get new blades-the ones I have at the moment are at least fairly blunt so it's hard to do too much damage with them if I start cutting again.

I'm so scared of myself and I just don't know what to do.

I don't know what's triggered it this time.
I don't know how long I have before I majorly relapse and I'm so scared because I don't have anyone to save me anymore.

Help me.



"Has anyone seen my contact lens? It may be stuckto a tree or a rock or something. Oh boy, I am so grounded" Family Guy
if everyone cared and nobody cried, if everyone loved and nobody lied, if everyone shared and swallowed their pride, we'd see the day that nobody died


!!!! I got lei'd in Vets !!!!



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Old 18-12-2008, 12:20 AM   #2
Seraphsigh
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Ruth!
I wish I was over there because I would come visit and help keep you safe. Do you have a friend or doctor that can help you regulate the pills you have (assuming that you need them in moderation) or help get rid of the ones you don't? If there's no one around, can you get rid of the things that might hurt you later on?
I really hope that you will be able to do something for yourself before it gets too bad. If it helps to be online and talk, I'm around, so please pm me or we can chat, whatever.
I'm thinking about you and hope that you feel better soon.
*massive hugs*
You can get through this. And I'm here to help, if you need me!

D'Arcy



Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae.

Lambchop, LadyMacbeth, Butterfly525, and Moonchild are my sisters. Ruffle is my daughter. That Faery Kid is my kitty!



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Old 18-12-2008, 01:53 AM   #3
ravynsoul
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*sending lots of hugs your way*

I am sorry to hear that you are starting to feel so bad again :(
Please listen to D'Arcy and see if you can go speak with a doctor or so.. maybe you can catch things before they get worse.

I'm here if you ever want to chat; feel free to pm me.



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Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. ~ Scott Adams




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Old 18-12-2008, 09:14 AM   #4
Sigma
 
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I'm sorry it's getting worse - it's scary when a pattern seems to be starting again... can only agree with D'Arcy & ravynsoul - is there someone you can ask for help? Either to help stop it following the pattern, or if that isn't possible, to help you get through it?

Try to stay safe...

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Old 18-12-2008, 05:44 PM   #5
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Thank-you guys.

I have a friend coming over tonight so I will try and talk to him and see if he can help at all. None of the tablets I have are prescription, so I will see if I am strong enough to just chuck them, or ask him to take them away from me. At least if I don't have anything in my flat, I have longer to think and not do anything on impulse.

If I have the courage (I hate going to the drs), I will try to ring or pop down to my GPs to see if I can get an appointment with my doctor to talk to her about the possibility of going back on my happy pills. I'm not sure I particulary want to go back on medication as it makes me so drowsy, but at least I know the ones I was last on did allieviate the moods.

I just didn't think I'd ever go back into 'the cycle' again as I'd been better for so long.

Thank-you for reading and replying.

xxxx



"Has anyone seen my contact lens? It may be stuckto a tree or a rock or something. Oh boy, I am so grounded" Family Guy
if everyone cared and nobody cried, if everyone loved and nobody lied, if everyone shared and swallowed their pride, we'd see the day that nobody died


!!!! I got lei'd in Vets !!!!



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Old 19-12-2008, 07:21 AM   #6
Sigma
 
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That sounds a good plan - I'm sorry 'the cycle' has come back - I know how horrible it is (am in that situation myself after a couple of good years) - but I also know it will be better again at some point. Also hate that 'drowsy/spaced out' feeling of meds, but perhaps it will help you get through the bad patch?

Anyway, I hope it went well with your friend last night, take care of yuorself

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